Procrastinating? How Accountability Partner and Mastermind Groups Can keep you Accountable to your goals?

Many times, when I speak with leaders, I sense that the higher they climb the leadership ladder the lonelier they might feel.

Isolation. I remember the first time I heard that word related to my life context. A few years after our relocation, someone I met told me that I probably have a deep sense of isolation. Leaving our family, friends and my career behind was a very isolating experience for me. Until that person used the word ‘isolation’, I knew there was a feeling, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. But that person nailed it. They were able to express the word I couldn’t find in order to explain what I had felt for so long. Isolation is one of the deepest experiences you have after relocation, not only do you feel alone and isolated, but you tend to isolate yourself. Not because you plan to do so, it is just a natural way to be when you have the feeling that every time you leave your house you are different than everyone else around you.

The second time I chose to use the word isolation was during my last leadership role. You see, there is that unique paradox in leadership. Leaders lead, and when they lead others, they need to connect with them. They need to communicate their passion and vision so people will choose to follow them.  When you enjoy leading processes and people this is an exciting experience, but mostly you cannot escape the challenge and sometimes the challenge becomes a drama. I could sense in some moments how I escalated when I stepped onto the path of a challenge with another person, or a difficult situation. I can even sense how I want to dive into the drama. But with experience, you learn how to manage yourself and see what your options are in the situation. But here is the thing, many times when you are in a challenge, you are there all alone. Sometimes your friends are part of the organization and you choose not to gossip about the situation, and again, the higher up you go the harder it becomes to share your challenges. Some leaders sharing their challenges might look like they share their weaknesses, a path they are not willing to take. So, what’s left? A mentor or a coach can help you go through the experiences and learn what you can do better, or help you make a new choice, make a different decision, or show up differently. These are one or two hours in a timeline of many constant struggles, where the leader feels alone. This is when the sense of isolation showed up again, but this time I knew I needed to support myself, especially as an extrovert persona who needs to talk through her challenges with others.
Here are a few simple ways to overcome isolations that worked for me:

1.  Accountability Partner - An accountability partner is someone who helps you to achieve your goals. Like any relationship, you need to find the person who will be committed to the process. My accountability partner and I meet once a week to discuss our weekly goals and beyond. When a challenge or opportunity meets us along the way, this is our safe space to consult with each other, brainstorm ideas, and help each other become our better selves. I heard about different ways to work with an accountability partner; for example, you both meet remotely or face-to-face to work on a specific task. You share what task you will accomplish in the next hour; an hour later, share your accomplishments. Remember, in any relationship; you need to discuss with your accountability partner how this partnership is going to look and how you both need to stay committed and accountable to the process. It is not an easy process to find the right person, but it can help you feel supported and accomplished when you do.

2.    Mastermind Group - There are many definitions or ways of setting up a mastermind group. I see it as an opportunity for a group of people to share perspectives, encourage each other, and help each other grow. I wanted to have conversations with diverse leaders and business owners from different business areas and views. The main thing that connects us all is our desire to be challenged by others, a willingness for a new perspective, and a deep want to grow as people. It is impressive to see the changes that each of us went through since we started this group, and this is one of my favorite meetings each month. Something is compelling about knowing that others have the same challenges as you, and their visions, creations, and willingness to share are incredibly inspiring. Everyone finds value in these conversations and, most importantly, a new perspective of how they saw their personal or work situation. The most exciting thing was to see how everyone would leave the room with a boost of energy, no matter how they stepped into the room.

This is when a new idea started percolating. What if I could utilize the structure I have created in different Mastermind groups and we could meet outside? There is nothing better than facing your challenge in nature with other bright minds around. Today, I lead a few Mastermind Groups a year for Social Business Leaders and Executives. They are all confidential, and in each one, it is so exciting to see how much the group members become each other’s cheerleaders, supporters, and some even become good friends.

I believe with all my heart that the more leaders connect with each other rather than isolating themselves, the more impact and influence they will create in our community and beyond.

My question to you is what is how can you keep showing up for yourself to achieve your goals? What can help you stay accountable?

External and Internal Accountability - How Can You Stay Accountable to Your Goals?

OKRS, KPIs, Business goals, personal growth goals, team goals, sales goals; we all know that it is important to take the time for some individual/team internal check-in and ask ourselves what are the things we need to let go of, and what are the things we want to sustain and keep doing,
We understand the importance of moving forward and achieving our goals, but the main challenge is, how can we hold ourselves accountable to achieve the goal we set for ourselves? 

 The article's primary goal is to give you the tools to stay accountable for the things you say you will do as individuals or teams. This article can also help a manager (and even a parent) to support direct reports who can't deliver on what they have, accepting responsibility for the progress, whether it is a success or failure. 

 Work with you, not against you!

Let me start by saying that most of us don't see the results we want because we work against ourselves. We see what others do and get upset with not being able to do what they do. Not only do we focus on beating ourselves up, but we are also stuck and don't see a movement. So let's start with a quick awareness that can help you let go of the burden.

 External Accountability vs. Internal Accountability.
In her Assessment – the Four Tendencies, Gretchen Rubin, explains our tendency to expectations. One crucial point you can take from her idea is that we have internal/inner or Outer/external accountability.

• External accountability – is our need to be accountable to someone else so we can achieve goals. You are motivated to achieve your goals with another person. According to Rubin, most of the population is motivated by outer expectations. How do you know if this is you?

  • If you are one of the people who ask: "Why is it so easy for me to deliver on my promises to my family/friends/team/clients, but it is challenging to deliver on my personal goals?" you are motivated by external accountability.

  • What will encourage you more to work out? Paying membership to the gym, or knowing that your friend is waiting for you at 5 am outside the gym to join them? If it is the latter, then - you are motivated by external accountability. 

• Inner accountability – you can set goals and achieve them yourself; you don't need others to achieve your goals. How do you know it is you? You will start your day with a list and achieve most of what you wrote on the list by the end of the day.

 When you understand your motivation, you can design the system you need to create to achieve your goals.  Here are a few ways to design your system without going against your tendencies – experiment with the different methods, and feel free to reach out to me and share great ways that worked for you that you would like to add to this list!

External Accountability: You need to find partners that will help you stay accountable to your goals or desires. Here are a few different ways to establish these partnerships and make sure you are on the right path for you and your accountability partner. 

•  1:1 Accountability Partnerships - An accountability partner/partnership is with someone who helps you to achieve your goals. Like any relationship, you need to find the person who will be committed to the process. There are different accountability partnerships. Some are paid for their time like a performance coach, or personal trainer, while many establish a relationship meant to support each other on needed goals. Let's review a few options of accountability partnerships:

  • Accountability Partner for business/leadership/personal growth– my accountability partner and I meet once a week to discuss our weekly business goals, business challenges, and aspirations. When a challenge or opportunity arises, this is our safe space to consult with each other, brainstorm ideas, and help each other become our better selves. Some even sign a confidentiality agreement. 

  • Specific Accountability Partnerships – this is a partnership to achieve a particular goal for a limited time, like Weight loss, meal planning, work on a specific project like writing a book, filming videos, and much more. 

    Whether it's face to face or remotely, there are many ways to work with an accountability partner; some will state the task they would like to achieve during the meeting, then each one will work on their task. Others can focus on their discussions on progress, challenges, and goal setting. There isn't a right way; there is only your way and your aligned needs.

  • Pets – yes! We don't always need another human friend to help us stay accountable. Pets can be excellent accountability partners to a specific task. Whether you want to start running, walk every day, or BE more present with your life. I have many clients who realized that having a pet helped them meet a specific need.

  • Social Media – A few years ago, after I went on my run, I posted my first "On The Run" video, letting everyone know that from now on, every time I run, I will post a video. Putting it out there made me accountable for this project and posting videos for more than two years after I run. If you know putting out a specific task can help you with your goals – put it out there – why not?

• Groups – the same way some prefer the one-to-one partnership; some like group accountability with more space for reflection and different perspectives.

  • Mastermind Group - There are many definitions or ways of setting up a mastermind group. I see it as an opportunity for a group of people to share perspectives, encourage each other, and help each other grow. I wanted to have conversations with diverse leaders and business owners from different business areas and views. The main thing that connects us all is our desire to be challenged by others, a willingness for a new perspective, and a deep want to grow as people. It is impressive to see the changes that each of us went through since we started this group, and this is one of my favorite meetings each month. Something is compelling about knowing that others have the same challenges as you, and their visions, creations, and willingness to share are incredibly inspiring. Everyone finds value in these conversations and, most importantly, a new perspective of how they saw their personal or work situation. The most exciting thing was to see how everyone would leave the room with a boost of energy, no matter how they stepped into the room.

  • Group Coaching is an opportunity to take the foundations of one-to-one coaching and move them to a group setting with a coach who holds group coaching facilitation skills. During the meetings, the group explores preferred topics, and at the end of each session, the members state how they are going to keep working on the topic. At the beginning of each meeting, the members report back to the group on their progress. The main difference between group coaching and a mastermind group is that group coaching requires a coach's facilitation. In contrast, a mastermind group can discuss topics without having a coach who facilitates the conversation.

  • Online groups – from social media groups to apps like noom and Fitbit, many have the option of online discussions and even coaches/mentors and group facilitators that can help the group process and share their thoughts, challenges, and resources. Find the group you can share your goals and get group support. 

Design the relationship agreement - Remember, like any relationship, to establish a partnership, you need to discuss with your potential accountability partner how this partnership is going to look and what you both need to do and be to stay committed and accountable to the process. It is not easy to find the right person, but it can help you feel supported and accomplished when you do.

 To learn more and prepare for this conversation, I have created a special document you can download here and support you through this conversation.

 Internal Accountability:

People who feel motivated by internal expectations do not need an accountability partner, but there are many other ways to help them achieve their goals. Here are a few creative ways:

• Stacking – if there is something you want to do, make sure you connect it with another action. For example, when I want to go on a run first thing in the morning, I will prepare the workout clothes the night before. This way, when I wake up in the morning, I have no excuses not to go on my run.

• Gamification – most internally motivated people like competition. If it is right for you, too, you can look at your weekly goals and give each goal a score. The more challenging the goal is, the higher the score will be. For example, writing an email is 1 point, while if networking is something you are trying to avoid – doing this task, you will give yourself 20 points. Competitive people will feel when they see their score going higher and higher each week. It takes some planning but can be very helpful to achieve goals you are trying to avoid. 

What are systems you can identify you already created unconsciously in your life to achieve goals and stay accountable?
As you can see, your outer or inner accountabilities play a significant role in achieving your goals. – find the system that works for you- remember, don't do it their way – do it YOUR way. 

 Are there other systems you have created to stay accountable?

The Guide For Your New Reality #2 - And I Guess That's Why They Call It the Social Distancing Blues...

My client was delighted, in the past few sessions, her goal was to see how can she convince the organization to let her work from home. 

"Noa, I am so happy," she said, "not about the COVID-19, I am freaking out about it, but at last I can work from home. 

Many don't share the same experience as my client. They miss the human connection; they miss going to make coffee with another team member or catching up with a peer while waiting for everyone to join them in the meeting room.

"I love the energy in the room when we brainstorm in the meeting room together. It doesn't feel the same when we do it remotely," this is what a manager told me a few months ago when his work shifted to leading his team remotely. He was lost and lonely, mentally, and physically.

Feeling Alone

For me, experiencing social distancing ­right now is not the first time. Actually, I felt this way for quite a long time when I relocated to the US. Why am I sharing this with you? Many people feel a sense of isolation for the first time when they go through relocation. I say that not only because of my own personal experience but also from working with many expatriates-executives and expat families in the past 10 years. The feeling of loneliness is actually familiar in a time of change. Before the transition, we think we know how the new situation is going to look like, still, in reality, it looks different than how we envisioned it. Not knowing how to behave in this unexpected situation, we find ourselves in makes us feel a lack of control, and many of us will move inwardly and isolate themselves.

You see, when you move from one country to another (or even from one state to another), you leave behind your family, friends, and your social networking. In a split second, you lose all your support. From working full time and having child care or the grandparents picking up my older son from the nursery school, I was all alone. From a full-time executive, I became a stay at home mom who was with two toddlers and no real adult conversation. It took me a while to build again my friends' circle, which is not an easy task when you are in your thirties. I remember talking to my life coach and sobbing about how lonely I feel.

But in the second round, I approached the relocation to Raleigh, NC, differently. After making many mistakes with my first relocation, I felt equipped. Still, I was willing to accept that re-rooting our family and being part of a new community will take longer, even a few years.

Here are a few learnings from my relocation experience that can help you navigate through the social distancing blues.

1. Don't Isolate yourself more than you already are. One of the most significant learnings I had is how easy it is to isolate ourselves unconsciously when we feel lost or out of control. It is a hidden focus that misleads our actions. This is why I believe it is essential you set the alarm to go every day outdoors. The research shows that nature has the ability to heal our soul and shift our mindset even with mental health. Walk, run, skip, bike, sit in the sun, or work in the garden (far away from your electronics) - I am a big believer that nature can help us feel grounded and centered. Especially in times when we feel a lack of control. When we feel grounded and connected with ourselves, we find the energy to connect with others.

2. Talk with people don't text. Living in a different time zone brought another challenge: how do I find a time that works to speak with my family and friends. Not having a voice or video conversation with the family and friends while being all day long with the kids didn’t help with my loneliness. We have enough texting, emailing, and scrolling through our social media feed. Just talk with someone. We – human beings need to communicate. We need to express and process our emotions and thoughts (even the ones that tend to process more when they write or use art.) In the COVID-19 reality, when many of us try to push our concerns and emotions away, communicating what we feel and think is needed even more. Now, video is not part of the protocol. No one said this whole social distancing requires to use Zoom, just pick up the phone and call someone. My friends and I started the walk and talk calls. We call each other while walking rather than walking alone. I don’t do it every day, but once or twice a week is enough for my needs.

3. Have a routine. Here is the deal, we didn’t ask for this reality nor chose it. But when forcing into a new reality, we can be on autopilot and react, or we can take a moment and be intentional with our choices. From being a working woman, I became a stayed at home mom with two little kids with no help. My days at first passed by with no purpose nor joy. I did choose to move to the US but did not expect to stay home and not work for a long time. I learned that when we are forced to a situation, a routine is key. Be intentional about your day and week, even if this situation feels temporary. I believe this COVID-19 “temporary” reality is going to stay here much longer than we anticipated. So do yourself a favor and ask yourself the following questions:

• Are you reactive or intentional about your week?  If you are intentional, you are on the path to feeling better and empowered – you take control of some of the choices you have in your day. It’s a start! If you react without any intention, move to the second question.

• What are the key elements you want to see in my week? Wants! not need or have to. What are the key elements you want to see in your calendar this week? Working out? Speaking with X people on the phone? Eating healthier, Taking 1 hour off for running errands, take 1 hour to homeschool your kids, clean your house, learn a new skill, write a blog post? Whatever elements you want to see in your week – write them down, then look at your calendar and plan your week with intention.

Being in this new reality we have never experienced before we become reactive and let the situation leads us. I call this a state a state of AwareLess (unable to notice our tendencies in those situations when we are distracted and maybe even stressed).

When we feel a sense of no control, we can look around and see what some tiny steps are, or decisions we can make to think that we have somewhat of control over the situation. Taking the time to become more intentional of how you act, feel, and think not only will create a sense of control but maybe even make you feel empowered.

Take a moment to rescan again the points I mentioned above and ask yourself: How can you move from being reactive to intentional with your actions and choices? What are the hidden focuses that mislead your way and make you feel the social distancing blues? Then create a new plan that can bring your energy levels up and hopefully change your perspective about where you are.