Gratitude Practice - What does it Even Mean?

“Dear journal, I am thankful for my health. Dear journal, I am grateful for my family. Dear journal, I am thankful for the food we have. “
Okay, so maybe there is a better way to approach gratitude? 

Many times when I mention gratitude practice to my leader clients, they have the same look on their face that I used to have when someone said they practice "meditation."; It is the look of "come 'on another woo-woo thing that people who wear tie-dye shirts do?’“ 

In this article, I will clarify gratitude practice and suggest a few ways that might be helpful for you to experiment and see if it helps you boost your energy, focus, and adversity and brings a sense of joy that might be missing in your life. 

Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership. Are you ready? Let's go. 

In one of my last videos, I mentioned the negative bias. The negative bias is a tendency we focus in our day, week, and life on the things that don't work for us. For example, you had a wonderful day at work, and then around 2 pm, there was one annoying coworker comment. When you come home, and your partner asks you how your day was, all you remember from that beautiful day is that one annoying comment and respond with a grumpy face: "I had better…." That's what we call the "Negative Bias." Our ancient brain was engineered to be obsessed with our mistakes, with our failures, because the focus on the mistakes and failures made sure we learn from them; that was our way to survive our life in danger out and about. This Negative Bias mechanism kept us alive. The mechanism stayed as in many ancient brain behaviors, but the need is different. 

The good news is that we can reprogram our brains. Our brain CAN learn new ways that serve our new life needs. One of the ways to teach our ancient brain to lower its focus on the negative bias is to focus on progress, what's working, and gratitude.

• Progress – where can we see improvement?

• What's working – where we can recognize and appreciate what we do well?

• Gratitude – where we can appreciate and be grateful for what we have in our lives?

 To learn more about the Negative Bias and rewiring your brain check out my article HERE.

Multiple studies show that gratitude can boost our well-being and improve our mood. A study published in Applied Psychology in 2011 showed that people who practiced gratitude for 15 minutes before they went to sleep slept better and had fewer negative thoughts. Another study found that people who practice gratitude have fewer negative emotions like resentment and anger.

Being more aware of gratitude's impact on our lives, I have noticed a pattern. When I coached successful leaders who are more resilient and find it easier to adapt to change, I asked them what made these attributes their strengths. The answers were the same repeatedly; they were grateful for what they had had in their life. Many mentioned that expressing gratitude was something they saw in their house with their parents or grandparents or another influential leader or teacher they met in their life journey.

This supports other studies that positive and grateful people are contagious; many want to get closer to them. Many successful people practice gratitude every morning.

How do you practice gratitude?

There are many techniques, but I will share three that most of my clients appreciate and, most importantly, find easy to adapt as a habit. 

1.     Journaling

Here is how I define Journaling; Journaling is writing your thoughts and emotions in whatever fits you. There is no right or wrong way to journal; there is no specific length of writing which is good or bad. It can be one word or many pages. It can be a few times a day, every day, or every few days. It can be different from one day to another. The important thing is that you take the time to express your thoughts and emotions in writing and/or drawing/doodling and any other art that suits you. Maybe even composing what we are grateful for?

Here are two you can try.

• The Long List – take time to write down 50 things in your life every day that you are grateful for. This technique is not for every soul. But the purpose of this approach is that the more you write, the deeper you must challenge yourself to see what you have to be grateful for. The competitive, or those who like a challenge, can enjoy this practice. 

• The Shortlist (the Zen Approach) - If, like me, you prefer short and deep. You write two or three things you are grateful for every day, but you have to be specific. 
  Write a specific sentence that expresses why you are grateful for your health: I am thankful that today I could work out for 30 minutes even though my right knee hurts. Instead of writing a vague short sentence like, I am grateful for my health. Or rather than writing, I am thankful for my family, write a specific example that explains why. For example, I am grateful that my son in college called me today, even though I know he prefers to text. 

2.     Visual/Imaginative way - Scan your day and choose the best images of your past day.

 One of the best ways to reprogram your brain to focus on what's working is before you sleep. Before you go to sleep:

• Scan your day.

• Look at all the visuals in your day, somewhat like a video.

• Click the Pause Button on your remote when you identify a moment you are grateful for and be with it.

To appreciate that moment and keep scanning the video of your day, focusing on moments of gratitude, you can take a moment to enjoy and be with them fully.

3.     Praying

Praying can be a religious practice, but not only. Praying can work well for people who like to express their thoughts and emotions out loud. It can also be an excellent gratitude practice for people engaging in or reconnecting with this routine. Prayers can be poems or quotes you feel can be a perfect way to express your gratitude; they can be religious prayers or prayers from a prayer book you like; they can even be prayers you wrote yourself. Prayers can be a poetic way to feel and express how grateful you feel for what you have in your life.

If you choose to experiment with gratitude practice in one of the ways I mentioned above, or a different way, I invite you to pay attention to your day or the day after you practiced gratitude. When I try a new habit, I do my best to be consistent with this new habit, but when I miss a day rather than being upset with myself, I move into curiosity.

What do you notice about yourself when you practiced gratitude vs. the days you didn't? Did something feel different?

 Did you feel more focused? Did you feel more positive? Do you have more energy? Did you sleep better at night? If nothing changes, let it go. But if you notice a shift in the way you experience life, in your ability to deal with challenges and even experience more joy, maybe it's a new routine you can add to your life. 

Thanks for watching. If you liked this video and would like to keep going Beyond with your leadership, please follow me @noaRcoach, subscribe to my YouTube channel, and check out my Beyond Blog here www.noaronencoaching.com

The Negative Bias - Train our Brain to Look at Progress for Better Results and Inner Peace

You're having a great day when suddenly, you have so much progress with the project you lead, and then when you meet a coworker during a coffee break, they are making an irritating comment. The rest of your day went well; during your 1:1 with your supervisor, they complimented you on influencing an idea in the last meeting with the team, and later on, you met with a peer to progress on another project, and you both worked well together. But when you arrive home, all you can remember is the irritating comment from your coworker during the coffee break. 

Why, when you had a not-good, but great day with so many accomplishments, all you can remember is that one incident? 

That phenomenon is called "The Negative Bias" or negativity bias. And in today's article, I will share what negative Bias is and how we can overcome it. 

Hi, I am Noa and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership. 

When you look at your passing day, your week, or maybe even your past month? What are you looking at first? 

1. What have you not accomplished? 

2. What didn't work?

3. What worked?

Most of us tend to look first at all the things that didn't work. Why do we tend to focus on the negative? 

There are different reasons; some are the way we were raised, by our parents our culture: "do better," "do your best," and "aim for excellence!!" "why 99 and not 100?" or "did everyone get 100?" these sentences shape the way we look at the world.

And today, I want to focus on another reason: our brain and, more specifically, our ancient brain. In the last few years, neuroscience research has become very strong. And what we know now about the ancient brain is that its role is to flag danger so we can know if to: "fight," "flight," or "freeze" in moments that can be risky for us and get in our way of surviving life.

One way is by flagging something that is different; the brain will communicate to us: "Hey! Be careful; this is different! It might be dangerous. Stay away."

Another way is when our ancient flags make mistakes: "Hey! That was not a smart idea! Next time you do that, you might get in trouble or lose your life! Don't let it happen again." This mistakes mechanism that our ancient brain flags are called the negative Bias.

But now, when we no longer live in the jungle, that negative bias mechanism can get in our way. Rather than focusing on what's working, we focus on that one thing in the day that didn't work and give it so much attention that we feel distracted.

For example, when we sense that someone is annoyed by us, maybe they even said something to communicate how they feel. We can sense our ancient brain triggers the negative Bias, and we will repeat that sentence in our head many times during the day, asking ourselves: "what could we have done or said differently?" or "why are they so annoyed by us?"

Another example is when we have an important presentation at the office. We wear the yellow shirt that makes us feel confident. After the presentation, a few people stop you outside to compliment you for the presentation. You stop to chat with one of your peers, who says: "by the way you have a coffee stain on your shirt. Do you want the special stain pen I have to fix it?" You thank them, but all you can think about the rest of your day is: "How did I miss this stain?" the compliments from others on your presentation disappear, and you are distracted by the stain.

So what can we do to keep the negative bias mechanism from distracting us? Neuroplasticity, or brain flexibility. Some call it rewiring our brains because our brain is like electric wires that send notifications. We can teach those wires to send new messages. The brain can learn to do that.

But this time, with our brain, the machines you use in the gym are replaced by new ones.

How can we do that? We train our brains like any other muscle we work in the gym. Like any change, change happens in repetition.

You see, what the neuroscientists have found is that we can reprogram or train our brain or pay more attention to what's working, progress, and strengths than the negative, what's not working, and weaknesses. 

Studies show that people who look at progress and strengths as routine practice achieve more.

 Now remember the focus is not on not allowing ourselves to see what's not working or even negative emotions and ALWAYS STAY positive; it is not about not letting our peers express challenges and non-positive experiences. We want to embrace and accept where we are and create a safe space for ourselves and others. And yet, if we notice that our focus is all the time on what's not working when the only feedback we give to others is on weaknesses, when we talk with ourselves and others about improving and doing better but never recognize what's working, maybe it is time to pause and ask ourselves if the ancient brain is distracting us. We might need to refocus and train our brains to notice: Strengths, Progress, and What's working.

How can we do that? 
There are many options, but I will share the two that you can take:

1. Gratitude practice.

 Take time in your day, week, or month to practice gratitude. Please check my next blog post and video to learn more about that.

2. Reflect on what's working and progress. 

Take time at the end of your day/work day to reflect on your day, week, month, quarter, and year. 

 Here are a few questions you can engage in your daily/bi-weekly/weekly/monthly/yearly reflections:

• What are the three things that worked today/week? 

• Where have you seen progress today? Work and life, 

• Where have you seen yourself using your strengths today/this week?

• What are you grateful for?

Find an accountability partner to meet with or share your notes if needed. Ensure you always start with these 4 points before you dive into fixing or discussing what you could have done better.

The more your ancient brain meets this practice, the more you will notice progress with yourself, your peers, your team, your kids, and your life.

I Challenge You:

Do you need to give a performance review to someone you feel is not performing well? That can be very challenging. I will challenge you to take a moment with yourself before you meet with them and ask yourself: what does that person do that works? What is one strength that this person has?

 Find at least one for each of these questions and then prepare again for your conversation with this person.

 I have done the Progress Reflection Practice weekly for over 12 years. Still, each time I reflect on my week, my ancient brain will try to distract me from what's not working, and every week I will delete the first sentence that starts with what's not working and refocus myself and my ancient brain on progress. Remember, like any muscle, when we stop using them, it becomes harder to use them, and the more we use them, the shorter it takes us to overcome challenges. It is a life work of progress, just like any workout.

How can being an Extrovert or Introvert impact your energy levels?

A few years ago, I facilitated a workshop with a good friend. Don't you feel energized? I asked her after the workshop. She looked at me and said, "No, I actually feel drained."  This was the first time I realized how impactful it is how extroverted and introverted people experience their energy with others. You see, introverted people work their energy from the inside outside; they give energy to others. They also process their thoughts internally and only then express them externally. On the other hand, extroverted people get their energy from other people and process their thoughts externally; through this external process, they understand their thoughts. 

Whether you are an extroverted or an introverted, or one of them is more dominant (even a bit) than the other, in this article, I will share a few tips that can help you manage your energy better and feel that you are not drained. 

Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership and their teams. Are you ready? Let's go. 

You might have heard about the Myer Briggs assessment, the MBTI. This assessment introduced Carl's Yung Idea of extroversion and introversion. Since then, a few other assessments, like the DISC assessment, engaged the extroversion/introversion energies.

I have to admit that my concern with any assessment is that it puts people in boxes that limit them from seeing more about themselves or others to see them as capable of going beyond their tendencies. 

I heard clients who shared that they are introverted, and that's why they are shy about being with people. Or that extroverted take over conversations and are just too much. Or maybe they can't lead meetings because they are always so quiet, and so on and on.

Those limiting perspectives don't serve how we look at others or ourselves and get in our way of looking beyond.

So let me reframe the idea of extroversion and introversion. I see them as energies.

Energies.

Introverts use their energy from the inside out; they process their thoughts internally before they speak up. But then, after they give their total energy and presence to others, they need to recharge and be quiet. And the belief that they are shy or quiet is old school, they can speak, but they prefer the 1:1 conversation because they prefer thought-through, deeper conversation that creates connection. Now extroverted people work from the outside inside. They talk first because when they speak out loud, they process their thoughts and ideas and get a deeper understanding to move forward. When they are with others, they get energized. That's how they recharge; the more people, the more energy they have.

So how can you support yourself or the people you lead on your team to support both energies?

Introverts

1. Take a break at work.

   • Introverts lose energy in today's hybrid reality, back-to-back meetings with no time to recharge. They need time to be alone. I suggest moving your organization to 45 minutes meetings instead of 60 – you will be more efficient and give people the 15 minutes they used to walk to the next meeting room or their desk to breathe and keep going.

   • Conferences, retreats, team building – design quiet time; some conferences have a quiet room for introverts to read a book, journal, or go outside to be in nature. They need it.

2. Take a break at home. Take time to disconnect, read a book, put on some noise-canceling earphones, go on a walk, meditate, and work in the garden. Anything quiet will recharge your soul and energy.

3. Give people time to write their thoughts. Different people have different needs. In meetings, before you give people time to speak, ask them to take a moment to write down their thoughts and the discussed topic (maybe invite them to think about it in advance). It is a good skill for extroverts to manage their ideas by writing them down before they speak and allowing your introverted team members that need time to think through quietly before they share their thoughts. We must let people be more comfortable with crafting space for quietness and organizing their ideas before speaking. People who mainly don't express themselves will start sharing ideas and input because they feel they have time to organize their thoughts. You might even notice that if before, when you asked questions, the conversation was not rich enough, now when people have time to prepare and feel comfortable to share.

4. Set a time to meet with people 1:1 at work/life
   Introverts love deep conversations. 1:1 can be a great way to get to know people more deeply. I love to grab a coffee and walk with a good friend (walk and talk); some like to set time to sit and work together in a coffee shop or other location. Find your way to create 1:1 opportunities to create deeper connections.

Extroverts:

1. Don't be alone too long - even though Extroverts can enjoy some quiet time when they feel their energy going down; it is a sign to get up and meet some friends.

2. A conference can be a great way to meet new people, learn with a large group, and get some people's time.

3. Group Learning, like group coaching, training, or even an art class, can be another way to be with others and process your thoughts and ideas with others.

4. Moved to a new place? Have you just moved or relocated to a new place or even started a new job? Research outside work groups of your interest or professional associations, in-person events, and learning opportunities; inside work, look for communities or employee resource groups you can be part of.

5. Any group setting can move to 1:1 conversations that can build deeper connections and friendships that will introduce you to new circles and group opportunities. Let's face it, for extroverts, the more, the merrier.

Extroverted or introverted, make sure to pay attention to your energy. 

If you are extroverted that spend too much time alone, and you can sense that your energy is going down, maybe it's time to ask yourself, who can I meet? Or how can I create social opportunities for myself? 

If you are more introverted, do you give your energy to others without recharging? A pause is a place to start and explore how to extend opportunities to recharge along your day and week. 

How do you support your energy level as an extroverted or introverted person or in general? I would love it if you shared it with us in the comments.

If you liked this video/article and would like to keep going beyond with video leadership and support your team, make sure to like and subscribe for more and share with your friends. 

Do you have a leadership momentum? What can you learn from your energy levels right now?

Have you ever asked yourself, what makes you feel momentum with your energy, and on the other hand, what brings your energy down? Let's dive together to get a better understanding of your energy levels.

Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies and their teams to go beyond with your leadership. Are you ready? Let's go.

 Energy is defined as the ability to do the work. Think about it. Energies at work change the state of the matter, from gas to liquid, from liquid to solid. We sometimes forget that the same force of energy that shifts gas to water can also change water back to gas. Why is it important to understand that? Because our energy is the same. Our energy changes all the time.

We need to identify when our energy is high, when we have momentum with our leadership and focus and when our energy is low.

When we have momentum with our energy, this is when we feel that everything we do works for us. When we go to a meeting, we inspire and impact and influence others; we feel focused; it feels great when we do the work. Long story short, we see results.

On the other hand, when our energy is low, we feel that no matter how much we try to push into action, we don't see results. And at times, we can't even bring ourselves into action. It is as if our cup is full, and still, we are trying to pour more and more liquid into it. But no matter how much more liquid we try to pure into it, at the end of the day, all we have left is what's in the cup.

As leaders, when our energy is high, we notice that we have clarity about our purpose, vision, and values. Suddenly when we share our ideas and vision, people get a better understanding and clarity of what we communicate with them. They hear and see how focused we are; there is a sense of alignment that they experience from us.

If you experience high energy right now, know that you have momentum, and I invite you to do everything you can to influence your ideas. Take advantage of this.

 If your energy is low right now, it's okay; remember that energy never stays the same. It is changing. Sometimes it is high, and sometimes it is down. So you must identify it and know where you are.

• Many of us have low energy after we push through an intense project or event in our life that took much of our attention. Like other cycles in life, we need time to recharge to move through the next time we need higher energy. So give yourself time to recover. As some people say, we can't work out in the gym 24/7; it is not efficient or adds value to our bodies.

• Another reason we have low energy is when we lack clarity of the purpose behind our actions and vision. So it might be time for you to do some work to understand the purpose behind what you're trying to achieve or behind your vision. This area can be challenging to do independently, and finding a thoughtful partner to work through your ideas can be very helpful. It could be a peer, your manager, your team, or even a coach or mentor who can challenge your thought process and help you widen your perspective.

•  Another reason our energy can be low is change. There are many thoughts and emotions engaged in the process of change. And when there are so many thoughts and feelings, it's hard for us to move into action. Whether it's a life transition or a work transition, when we go through a change in our lives, we need to redefine who we are in the new situation, which takes a lot of energy from us.
  For example, the COVID-19 reality allowed us to work from home, but now many companies require people to return to the office. Many of the people I know that had to shift from remote work to going back to the office felt their energy dropping down, and even though they try to push into action, it feels like they are pressing the gas pedal on neutral, but the car is not moving. This is the time to pause or slow down and allow your emotions and thoughts of change to be processed and acknowledged without judgment. Emotions, thoughts, and energy are never stagnant. Our thoughts move all the time, our emotions move all the time, and our energy can change too. The more we fight this idea, the longer we stay there. So allow yourself to be with the emotions and thoughts you experience now, and remember they will not be with you forever.
  The funny and even silly thing is that the more you fight your emotions and thoughts about the change with action, the more you will feel stuck and not see the result and energy shift you want.  On the other hand, the sooner you stop the action and acknowledge what you feel and think in a time of change, the faster you experience your energy shift.

Remember, energy changes all the time. Yes, there will be moments when you have momentum, which will be high, strong, and impactful. And there will be other moments when your energy will be minor/low and quiet. It's not about good or bad. It's about paying attention and being more compassionate to yourself or others when they or you need to recover.

Be curious, not judgmental about your energy shift. What can you learn from each of the energies you experience?

 If you liked this video and article and would like to go beyond with the leadership, subscribe for more, or share with someone you think can get value from this article or video. Sharing is caring!

What Can You Learn From Listening to Your Procrastination?

At times, when clients are stressed, busy, or overwhelmed, they will talk about themselves as lazy and procrastinators.  But let me ask you, is it true? Are you really lazy? Are you really a procrastinator? I don't think so. I believe there is always a bigger truth to why we do not do what we should do.  I find that most times, we can learn a lot from what the resistance of moving into action is trying to tell us that we ignore and jump right away to what we have heard from others. There is always a bigger truth; we just need to listen to what it has to say about what we call laziness or procrastination.

 Hi, my name is Noa. And I work with teams, leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership. Are you ready? Let's go. 

 Procrastination, as the dictionary defines it is an action of postponing or delaying something. But looking at this definition, I was missing the Why behind this. But why do we procrastinate? I believe that there are three main reasons why we procrastinate.

1. Importance

2. Purpose

3. External Accountability

I will start with number two: Purpose. I believe that many times when we don't move into action, it's because we do not understand the purpose behind the action. We are still unclear about the why behind this action, so there is no real motivation, and sometimes it feels like resistance: "why should you?"
Let me give you an example; When I need to write an article or a blog post, sometimes I find that I cannot move into action and start writing. Initially, I used to feel upset with my slow to action; why am I so excited about the idea of writing but cannot move into action when I sit in front of the screen? What's going on? Now I know that I'm unable to start writing because I still don't have clarity on the purpose behind this topic; the idea is not deep enough for me to move into writing, and my resistance is telling me that I need to understand it better. When I understand the purpose behind what I want to write, when it is all clear to me, it's easier for me to move into action. 

 Reason number one. Importance. 
Sometimes, a reality check and being very honest with ourselves are needed. This is when we need to look in the mirror and ask the hard questions: is this action necessary to me? Maybe this action is not as important as you want it to be. Maybe it is not even you that think this action is essential, but others are telling you that you should/need/have to take the action. Or maybe you see others taking this action and you want to do it because others do. If you look beyond your (or others') shoulds, needs, and have-to-do you really need to take on this action? Listen well to what the resistance to moving into action is trying to tell you. Maybe it's time for you to pause and assess the situation. When we look deeper, we might identify that the action is unimportant or even necessary for us, and we can let it go. Or maybe the actions aligned with the purpose and vision of this action and how it is connected to your life and/or business/work vision.

Now to number three, Accountability. In her work, Gretchen Rubin explains that we are wired differently to move into action to reach our goals. Some of us are motivated by what she calls internal Accountability – we set goals with ourselves and achieve them. Others are motivated by external goals – we need to commit to our teams, a manager, and partners to achieve our goals. Look at your accountability systems; you might notice that you have already created ways to commit to others but overlooked them as external Accountability. If you are wired to achieve your goals by external Accountability – don't work against yourself. No matter how often you say: I will achieve this goal on my own, you have a low probability of doing so. Therefore ask yourself who can serve as your external Accountability partner/s.

 For example, when COVID19 started, I found it hard to engage in running as part of my workout routine, even though I used to do it until then a few times a week. Since I need external Accountability to achieve goals when I don't move into action, I reached out to my youngest son, who wanted to learn how to run longer runs. I asked him if he would support me in going back to running while I was teaching him how to get to a run of 2-3 miles gradually. That was a win-win for both of us. He learned how to run longer runs, and I could get my two, three miles runs a few times a week back into my weekly workout routine. And start creating systems of committing to an accountability partner or accountability buddy. 

To learn more about Accountability Partners and external and Internal Accountability, check out my article about accountability partners. 

 So remember, you are not lazy nor a procrastinator, and there is a lot you can learn from listening to the resistance from moving into action. So lean back, pay attention and listen to what the procrastination has to teach you; It could be that this action is not that important to you. Or, maybe there is a lack of clarity about the purpose around the doing of this action. Or, perhaps, you need external Accountability to achieve your goals and move into action. If you liked this video and would like to go beyond with your leadership, make sure to subscribe to this channel, like this video, and/or share my blog post.

I See - How to Recognize Others as Leaders?

One of the top three reasons people leave organizations? Lack of recognition from their managers. When people come to me and share with me their frustration with their managers not recognizing them, here is what I ask them: "What if your managers have never learned how to recognize others?" Why do I ask that?

Because I used to be that manager, and today I'm going to share with you a few simple ways of how you can feel more comfortable recognizing others and also feel more comfortable when others recognize you.

Hi, my name is Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership.

Are you ready? Let's go.

Some of us find it very challenging to be recognized by others or recognize others. I was the same. And here are two main reasons why for some of us, it can feel so challenging.

The first one, as always, is our parents.

And the second one is our culture.

Maybe this experience will sound familiar to you. When I was a little girl and came home with a good grade, my father asked me why 99 and not 100? That question, "Why 99 and not 100," followed me for years; I always asked myself, "How can I do things better? How can I take myself from 99 to 100?" The problem was that not only was I having this internal conversation with myself, but I also started having the exact expectations of the people I worked with and managed. And by the way, also with my kids.

The second reason that recognition was so challenging was that I came from a red pen culture. Erin Meyer, the researcher and the author of the book, the Culture Map, explains that red pen culture is a culture where a student submits their work to the teacher they receive it with red pen notes. In those notes, the teachers write down what the student could have done better to do the work. People from a red pen culture will always ask themselves: "how can I do things better?" and that would be their focus.

 When I moved to the US, I realized I needed to shift how I communicate with others, including my kids, and start recognizing what others do more.

But how do you do that? How do you work on the mental muscle of recognizing others? Working on a muscle, just like in the gym, takes time. And I believe it has to first start with working on yourself.

The first thing I had to learn was how to shift my focus from what's NOT working to what works.

Shifting your focus to what's working is not an easy path. And you have to train yourself and work on that mental muscle to learn how to shift the focus from what's not working to asking yourself again and again first, what's working?

When you learn how to do this work with yourself, then you can start working on how to do this work with others.

How do you do that with others?

Here is a simple way that you can recognize others.  What people really want is that their actions will be seen. And that's why the simple way for you to start working on the mental muscle of what's working is to use two words: I See.

So if you find it challenging to recognize others, next time when you sit with others, start the sentence when you want to recognize them with "I see." Or "I noticed."

Now be very specific when you use the words: I see/I noticed.

Rather than saying "good job," or "Awesome work" (this is vague and people don't really know what to do with this feedback) be more specific, and say for example, "I saw yesterday in the meeting that you took initiative in the conversation, and the report you suggested is working very well for the team. Thank you for taking that extra step to help our team move forward."

Building on "I see"

And here is a cool way you can build on the idea of "I see" that I learned from one of my executive clients who implemented this method of "I see" to recognize their people.

When people share with you what they and their team are doing to ask for recognition, you can ignore it, or you can build on their sharing by using the “I see.”

"Yes, I have seen what you and your team have done in the past few weeks. It was a great opportunity for you and your team. And I loved to see the email from the CFO recognizing what you and your team did this morning. It means that you are building your team’s brand to be seen as experts of … – well done."

So remember first train your brain to look at what's working rather than what's not working, and then play with "I see" / "I have noticed" and share in detail what you see so people can know and understand what you mean and build on their momentum. And if needed, you can build on the I see/I notice when you see your people seeking recognition  (and may it be a learning opportunity for you that they don't need to seek recognition, release them from this burden and initiate the recognition before they ask for it).

A great resource to learn more about this topic is the book How Full is Your Bucket by Tom Rath and Donald O.Clifton Ph.D