Meet the Saboteur - The Voice that Gets in Your Way from Achieving Your goals.

This article is posted a few days before we step into a new year, 2023.

Maybe you read this article as part of pondering your new year's development plan, or perhaps as part of deciding on your New Year's Resolution, or maybe it is not the beginning of the year, but you design new goals.  

When we step into a new year, we take a moment to reflect and ask ourselves: What is the change we want to create in this new beginning?

When we want to create a change, whether big or small, there might be that little voice, a very nagging voice and still very persistent, that will whisper in your head that action on this change might not be a good idea. 

"You are not good enough to create this change," it might say, or maybe this voice will ask you: "why bother? No one cares," or perhaps it will say: "Do you want to embarrass yourself? You are not ready yet! Make the change when you are REALLY ready. Start with more research and learning but not now – now is big! even huge mistake!!"

 In this article, we will meet this voice and learn how to identify it with us, when and why it shows up, and how we can address it when we feel this voice is taking over and we think we have lost power.

 Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go BEyond with their leadership and their teams. Are you ready to learn more about the Saboteur's voice? Let's go!!

The word Saboteur comes from the French word sabotage, which is the purpose of this voice in our life – to sabotage our way from moving into new action or way of being when we want to create a change. Let's dive deep to get to know this little voice and understand when it likes to grow big in our minds and, if possible, to take over. 

 The Saboteur wants to keep the status quo, to keep you where you are, from moving forward. Because if you act on it, you might fail, get embarrassed, or, worst case scenario, people won't care. So the Saboteur's voice will tell you: "Let's stay here. Here it is safe."

And here is the thing, the more significant the change, the louder the voice of the Saboteur will be. Mainly the voice of the Saboteur will become louder when we want to design a change or already going through a transition. Promotion? Loud, New Relationship? Loud, Starting your own business? Loud, having a baby? Loud, Starting a new job? Loud, Speaking in an event/meeting? Launching your website/publishing a book? Loud, Using a new skill? Loud, Loud, Loud, and that drains your energy. You feel exhausted.

Check-in with yourself. From 1- 10, how loud is the voice of the Saboteur right now in your head?

 How do we learn to identify the voice of the Saboteur?

The Saboteur's voice is very repetitive; it sounds somewhat like a slogan; I broke them into three unique categories: 

1. "You are not good enough" - You don't have good enough skills, you're not smart enough, you're not talented enough, you don't have enough experience. The bottom line, you're not good enough. 

2. "Your work is not good enough" or "You are not there yet!" – this voice urges you to avoid embarrassment and keep learning, researching, not showing up in front of others in meetings or projects, and taking the lead. 

3. "Why even bother?" – no matter how much effort you put into it, people will not appreciate it anyway or see you, so come on! Why bother? Let's get some ice cream and binge on Gossip Girl... 

 I love Shirzad Chamine's extension of this idea that there is more than one voice; actually, we can identify a few other Saboteurs' voices with their persona, and by learning more about them, we can work to lower their volume.

Check out his TED talk about this topic and his assessment HERE. 

So what can we do about this voice? How can we get rid of this voice? That's a great question. 

I don't believe we can eliminate the Saboteur's voice, but I know from working on this area with hundreds of leaders that we can learn how to lower its volume. Here are a few ways to experiment with lowering the Saboteur's volume:

1. Get to know your Saboteur.

The first step is to create awareness by getting to know your Saboteur. Getting to know it means that your focus is to learn it AND NOT to try and fix the situation that it is with you.

Bring curiosity to learn your Saboteur:

What does it sound like? 

What does it say? 

When - in what situations do you notice the Saboteur shows up?

What pronoun it uses; he, she, it, they? For example, one of my clients calls his saboteurs "The Monkey." 

 Again, my invitation is, don't judge yourself when the Saboteur shows up. Stay curious rather than saying: why did it show up - again??? 

 Br playful and say: "Oh! The Saboteur is here! Interesting!!! I am wondering what made it show up right now?. What can I learn from us co-exist together in this moment." 

2. Be the Director of your mind. 

• The first step is to identify new voices that serve you.
  The Saboteur is not you; it is a voice in you. That's an important distinction. When the Saboteur is a voice in me, it is not all of me. When I am the Saboteur, I am getting in my way. 

  Now, as the Director of your mind, you have the control to add more voices. Voices that serve you. For example, The Motivator, The Cheerleader, The Wise one, The Compassionate, The Leader, The Visioner, and The Intuitive one. 

• The second step is to place those voices on your mind stage. 
  If your mind was a stage where each one of these voices is right now? Don't make it beautiful or what you want it to be; if your Saboteur is having the front of the stage, put it there. If your wise one is backstage, that is where it is right now. Be the Director of your mind.

• Move them around
  If you are the Director, you can choose where you want those voices to be. Where will you move each one, for example, if your Saboteur is at the front stage – where if at all, would you move it at? Who will you move to the front?
  We forget we can choose and create a new reality. It is in our power.

 3. Talk to it with supportive data.
Some Saboteur's voices don't exist well with data. With some of the leaders, I work we find data that the Saboteur cannot contradict, and it gets weaker and weaker.
For example: 

Leader": "All my leader-friends are so confident it seems like they are never stressed about anything I am not sure I deserve this new role." 

 Me: "How do you know? Did you ask them?"

Leader "No, I haven't."

 Me: "Would you be willing to ask one of them?"

 Leader: "yes there is a peer I can ask I am meeting with them tomorrow, I can ask them for sure."

Next session:" So I spoke with my peer, they said they are very surprised with my question, they were sure I am never stressed I look so calm to them, it was so funny to realize they see me the same way I see all my peers. Apparently we are all good at hiding stress."

Me: "Hmmm how is your saboteur doing right now?"

Leader: "I don't think it is even here with us, I think it took a nap or something…."

4. Ask for support

 In moments where everything we try is not working, and we feel powerless, we can start by reaching out and asking for support from the people in our life who can remind us that we are resourceful and empower us to see our strengths.

Reach out to your friends, your mentor, a coach, or even your manager to be reminded of the moments you were resourceful and overcame challenges and obstacles to become a better version of yourself. 

 Remember! the Saboteur's role is to keep you where you are, to keep you "safe" from their perspective. You can reach out internally or externally for a new view from new voices that can serve you better. 

 Who is the internal or external voice you will reach out to in those moments?

 If you liked this video and would like to go beyond with leadership, make sure to subscribe for some more

How To Break The Emotional Or Thought Spiral? Four Techniques To Help You Work With Your Emotions Rather Than Controlling Them

A few years ago, during a work break, I went to the kitchen (as I do every day since I mostly work from home). That morning, when I opened the refrigerator, I noticed something different: I wasn’t breathing. Okay, I was breathing, but I could sense that I was pressing my lips against each other so hard it was as if I was holding my breath before diving into deep water.

I must say that I became very curious about this kitchen experience; what made me press my lips together in this way? The more I observed myself, the more I was amused with my being and how I was with my actions.

Apparently, during that time, my concern about the progress of a project I was working on kept me from breathing! I closed the refrigerator door and did something I had been resisting for a long time: I took a big breath.

It was a choice, a choice to shift from where I was; concerned and worried, some call it spiraling with my thoughts and emotions, to the point where it felt like I couldn’t breathe- to a new way of being with myself. Choosing to stop spiraling, closing the refrigerator, and focusing on breathing. I didn’t know that this moment would teach me one of the most powerful lessons I’ve ever learned and will teach so many of my clients: taking a big breath is a pause that moves us to take back the lead on our emotions and thoughts. Move from autopilot spiral mode to being at a choice of how we show up with ourselves and others.

 Emotional regulation is the ability to effectively manage our emotional states and bounce back, mainly when our emotions run high.

We all have different methods to remind ourselves what we need to do: Post-it notes, electronic calendars and phone alarms can all serve as reminders for the actions we need to take, but how can we remind our being energy (the emotions. thoughts, and concerns) to bounce back when we feel stressed, overwhelmed, afraid, or let our self-limiting belief hold us back?
Centering techniques can help us pause and move to a place of choice with our being energy. 
Pause is the space in between that moves us from an autopilot way of being to control our emotional choices and, therefore, our mindset in different situations.

Pause #1 Breath

Taking a big breath is not about the need to calm down, but about the pause. Breathing intentionally creates a moment of pausing. This pause allows us to ground ourselves and ask the big choice question: “Are we willing or wanting to shift?”

 A few days after the refrigerator a-ha moment, I found myself lecturing my three kids during dinnertime . . . again. I could see myself saying the same blah, blah, blah that I used to say almost every dinner while my kids ignored me. That night, I chose to take a big breath intentionally. It wasn’t the big breath of “Let me bring the ‘Oy Vey’ guilt of a Jewish mother defeated again by her children’s daily behavior.” Instead, this breath allowed me to pause and choose, in this interaction, if I was going to stay with my daily routine and keep lecturing my kids, or shift to a new way of being/doing and be quiet. Everyone was waiting on me to keep going after the big motherly breath, but I didn’t.

In his book, A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle explains that breathing brings us back to the present moment. That evening I learned that lecturing was more of a need for me than an action that brings value to anyone else at the table.

Pause #2 Tangible Reminder

A tangible reminder is an object that reminds us of how we can be our best selves. It is a reminder that what we feel or think is just a thought, and we can choose differently.

Research done by Millward Brown, a global leader in brand advertising, found that tangible, printed materials produced deeper engagement versus digital materials. The printed material evoked more brain activity associated with the integration of sight and touch. It gave a more robust emotional response that suggests a healthier memory formation and a deeper connection with personal thoughts and emotions.

 This is why touching or looking at a tangible reminder can be so helpful when we want to move into a state of choice.

Here are a few ways you can use tangible reminders:

• Touching an object on your body: wearing a piece of jewelry like a bracelet, necklace, ring, or a watch, and touching upon feeling stressed, and can help center yourself. If, like many of my clients, you feel nervous before speaking to management or peers, touching a tangible object or jewelry in your pocket can be useful. When you touch the item, it is a reminder that things can be different, that you can shift, it can help you relax and center yourself without anyone knowing that this is what you do. It is a simple yet essential action step that can help you regulate your emotions or shift your mindset and lower your stress levels or nervousness.

• Look at an object: Rather than touching the item, you can choose to look at something. For some people looking at a tangible reminder can be as powerful as touching an object to lower the stress levels and bounce back. 

Here are a few ideas:

• Desktop picture - A picture on your smartphone lock screen or computer screen

• A key charm

• A rock, or seashell

• Sentimental toy or decorative object you can put on your desk

• A quote

• A plant 

Pause #3 - Centering word 

As with a deep breath, a tangible reminder centering word/sentence is another centering technique that can help you pause and move into choice. One of my clients combined the action step of touching a tangible reminder with a centering word; she came up with the plan of touching her watch while saying, “It’s time.” It’s all she needed to escape conflict and bounce back from a high emotional state.

Pause #4- Stand Up

Part of spiraling creates a body experience where we feel stuck, The spiral takes over and it feels as if we are losing control of the situation, and very soon the emotions, fears, and thoughts will take over.
One of my clients was an executive that felt extremely low confidence in the leadership meetings. It felt as if all their peers are much more brilliant than them. It lead to a point where they didn’t share their thoughts during those meetings and of course felt even worse about themselves when someone else shared the same idea and received recognition - if only they shared their thoughts…
We learned that by standing up this executive was able to shift the energy and in a way take the lead back. It was their moment to pause and take over. Many of my clients find the option of standing up as a good way to break the spiral and center themselves.

When we let emotions and concerns react and lead the way (I don’t think we need to control them just lead them) in a situation that takes us on the wrong path of actions, it can be a red flag for us that we might need to explore a new way of being that can bring new results. Centering techniques take just a few seconds and will not only lead to a calm, centered, clear, way of being, but we will also see new actions. Train yourself to be more mindful, bit by bit, and you will see the results in the way that you lead your way of being rather than letting the unwanted emotions lead you.

Of course, you can use only one centering technique or engage all three: breathing, touching a tangible object, and saying a word. Centering yourself can help you feel grounded, calmer, and able to respond articulately and clearly when you feel nervous or unable to control your thoughts and emotions.

Some say it takes 21-30 days to create a habit, but it will only take 3 seconds to breathe. So right now, close your eyes and take a deep breath and start the journey of being at a choice your way. It starts with a moment of pause and intentional choice.

Procrastination - Why I believe there is wisdom in our resistance to move into action and how can we start listening to it?

Well, here I am. It is the evening before this article is due. Did I start it a week ago, when I assigned it to myself? Of course not. I, like many, struggle with a common challenge: Procrastination. For years I fought this urge to put everything off to the last minute. I'd receive an assignment and say, "This time, I'm going to be organized. I'm going to start early, go bit by bit, and not put everything off to the last second. I will not procrastinate."

 My daughter can attest to this tendency. Every weekend, before COVID19 hit us, the two of us would head to our favorite coffee shop. She would work on her homework, and I would focus on writing. Writing during the workweek is very challenging to accomplish. So moving it to the weekend made sense. "Did you start?" she would ask me about an article or chapter in my book or a speech I had to work on. "I just need to work on something else that is very important, and then I will start!" I would tell her with a mother who knows it all face.

But, ultimately, we'd be heading to the car from the café, and she'd ask me, "Did you complete the task?" And time after time, I was forced to say, "I haven't even started."

Time after time, I'd end up in my office two days before the event or due date writing and practicing like a madwoman. And time after time, when my daughter came cautiously, afraid of the madwoman in the office, aka me... to say goodnight, she'd sigh and say, "Oh Mom, why did you wait until the last minute again?"

"Because," I'd say. "That's just the way I am."

 Even though my frantic preparation for these events was intense enough to scare away my family for the day, one time, I finally got my daughter to watch one of my speeches with me. My daughter looked at me, confused. "This is from when you procrastinated? From two days of preparation?"

"Yes, it is."

"But you did so well! If I waited to the last minute like you, instead of preparing ahead of time, I would be a mess!"

Maybe some of you are like my daughter, and perhaps you must start early for the sake of your mental health and internal peace. But for some, like me, procrastination stimulates a "good stress" that allows us to bring our best product. The moment I realized this IS my process, I became a free woman.

After years of struggle and self-deprecation, and endless coaching conversations with clients about this topic, it might be time to edit my business card and give it the additional title: Noa Ronen, an Executive & Leadership Coach, Speaker, Author, and a Proud Procrastinator.

Next time your procrastinator-tendencies cause internal conflict, how will you know if procrastination works for you or against you?

Does procrastination get you in trouble?

"I am such a procrastinator," one of my clients shared with me at the beginning of our session. "You know," I told him, "I believe sometimes procrastination is a good thing; let's try and see what it is trying to tell us…."

 "You know," he said, "I have never got in trouble for doing things in the last minute. I have never failed at school, or college; I keep being seen and promoted. Plus, maybe it just creates space for me to work on more important tasks?" 

 We took a moment to look at his calendar, and he said, "I think I will take care of this task tonight," then, while smiling, he stopped and said, "but I probably won't…" 

 "I love it!" I said, "a moment of honesty; So when are YOU going to do it? tomorrow?"

 "Nope," he said, laughing.

 "The day after," I asked?

 "No way," He replied, laughing louder, "I don't see getting to this task before the end of the week."

 "I have to ask you… how does it serve you when you put tasks on your calendar that torture you when you know you will not touch them until later in the week/month? You have enough on your plate - work with you, not against you."

Does the stress of procrastination lead you to create just an okay product or a fantastic product?

If waiting for the last minute helps you create a fantastic product, keep procrastinating; it is part of your creative process. Some research shows that in the "not doing," your brain keeps working and thinking and collecting different ideas that show up when you do the work.

And what if waiting to the last minute can get in your way or even gets you in trouble?

 I believe we can learn plenty from your resistance. I refer to it as the wisdom or your resistance. 

When you postpone doing something, I believe that most times, it's not because you are lazy or disorganized; there is a reason for your non-action that you are AwareLess to see for now. So, what is it that you're resisting? What can the resistance teach us if we take a moment to listen to it?

• Are you going against your core values? Your values like the north star, make sure you keep walking with integrity and follow the path of what's important to you. When you need to take on action against your core values, you will experience an internal conflict that will hold the doing. For example: if you're asked to stay late, and your core value is freedom, you may resist doing the task and check your social media feed. You DID stay, but your actions are keeping you in control of your value, or you will resent the request and act out.

• I don't know enough? Is it true? Suppose the answer is yes, you probably don't move into action because you are missing skills or knowledge. Still, at times people who lean to believe they don't know enough can get in trouble. They feel that no matter how much they learn, it will never be enough for them; this is when learning becomes their obstacle from achieving results. It is a wiser mechanism of avoiding moving into action. If you know that this is a pattern of yours and ongoing learning takes you away from achieving your tasks on time, here is my question to you (you can use this question with employees who hold this perspective); what is one step you can take with the information you already have?

• Purpose and Meaning - are you missing clarity about the purpose or the why of moving into action? When we don't understand the purpose or meaning of something we need to act on, we don't move to action. This resistance will show up with the goals you set for yourself or others. This is the essential information and an opportunity for you to step back and ask yourself:

• What is the purpose of this project?

• What is essential for me about this goal?

• What will people (or I) experience from sharing/creating/writing this message?
  
  It can sometimes be hard to find all the answers on your own, and you will need help from a mentor or coach.

• Maybe it's just not important enough? If you're resisting something or not moving into action, maybe it is time for an honest conversation with yourself and letting it go if necessary. The question I ask is straightforward: from 1 to 100 (1 being the lowest and 100 the highest), how much is this project important to you? Remember, no one sees or hears you, so be entirely honest with your wants, not your needs, have tos, or shoulds.

• Maybe your goal is essential, but not now? When I look at my plan/goals, I can identify a project or goal important for me but not now. Allowing ourselves to decided: Yes! But not now is helping up making sure we focus and prioritize the now while freeing our headspace from distractions.

 When we look at procrastination as something we don't do, we miss an opportunity to listen to our resistance's wise message.

Maybe procrastination can serve you? Perhaps it can help your creative juices flow or making you feel more in control? Time after time, my clients learn so much from slowing down and listening to their inner wisdom.

Maybe there is something you can learn from not acting on a specific task? Perhaps you can learn from checking in with yourself and paying attention to how you work? And maybe, just maybe procrastination is your intuition leading you towards YOUR way of heading to focused success?

­Negotiation – three Ways to Reach Mutual Agreement

When was the last time you had to prepare for an uncomfortable conversation? Can you remember how only thinking about that conversation impacted your energy levels. Whether it is uncomfortable conversations, solving a disagreement, or giving someone feedback, all these conversations have a negotiation component within.

Negotiation is a conversation where both sides need to achieve an agreement; if there is no disagreement, there is no negotiation or uncomfortable conversation. Period. Negotiation doesn’t begin until someone says no. Wouldn’t it be great if we can always have people agreeing with us?

The problem is that craving people saying yes to us and agreeing with us can get us stuck in the belief that negotiation is the act of doing our best to keep the other person from saying what they want to say: their no… This is why our mindset navigates the conversation on our hand towards hearing them saying what we want to hear – our yes. With that in mind, the way we address the exchange is from our want; for some, it will be by listening from our yes and ignoring what the other person has to say. For others, the negotiation conversation becomes a game they need to win; it is us against them, an either-or –– which can lead to a conflict. Therefore the question is not how do we handle a no response, but how do we turn the no go to let’s go!  Let’s go is when we have an alternative solution that works for both sides.

When I hear clients want to find in our session the right strategy to convince a peer that his/her idea is not good for the organization. What I observe is that their focus is on convincing the other person that they are wrong. This mindset closes the door to a conversation before we even started it. No one likes to hear that what they are saying/thinking is wrong. “What if instead of worrying about what the other person will say or why we need to be right,” I ask my clients “we can shift our focus to the idea that no one gets to be wrong and no one gets to be right?”
What if we change the focus? What would it look like if the other person and you were both together against the conflict? What would be possible then?

Let’s see the steps you can take to shifting your mindset from no go to let’s go together:

1. The concerns list.

When we think about the uncomfortable conversation we are going to have, many times, there are thoughts, concerns, and even emotions that play a crucial role in how we approach the conversation. Take a moment before you move into an action to pay attention to your being energy (your mindset and emotions) and write down all the concerns you have about the meeting. For example, concerns I hear from other clients many times:

“What if they don’t care about what I have to say?”

“What if they don’t respect my needs?”

Now let’s flip it and look at the other person. What would be the list of their concerns meeting with you? What would they write down?

Take a moment to write all their thoughts, frustrations, emotions, and beliefs.

Start with crossing over to their side. Look at the others' perspectives. Why might they have reacted to something you said or write the way they did? Why are they resisting your stance? There is undoubtedly a reason, and you’ll find that you will bring an open mindset perspective to the meeting when you take a moment to look at the world from their perspective.

2. “It is going to be hard” - What is the mindset you bring to the conversation

When thinking about the meeting, have you found yourself saying to another person or yourself before going to the meeting: “It will be hard,” or “I will need to fight to get what I want,” or “I know I will need to defend what I believe in.” Can you see how defensive and protective your view is in those moments? Without knowing what the other person will say, you look at the conversation from a heart at war. 

We choose how we step into a room, are we ready to put on the boxing gloves, or are we willing to wait and see what the other person has to say? Perhaps all you will need is to explain your perspective rather than defend it? Maybe, just maybe it is going to be easy?

3. Know your boundaries?

We need to know where the conversation starts and what intention we bring, but it is also essential to know where it ends; there are some situations where conversations will not go toward an agreement. This is why it is vital to understand what will make us say the final no and know that this is the end of the path for us or that from here our managers need to keep the conversation. Managers’ intervention doesn’t mean that you are weak, sometimes asking for help is actually the smart way to go; there are many situations that your managers need to solve organizational barriers that our peer and us cannot solve.

When we want to reach mutual agreements, both sides work together to bring as much value as they can it requires paying attention to what the other person’s wants and needs are. This is not an easy task, but slow down and ask yourself: “if I could bring compassion and curiosity to the situation what that person wants and needs are?” even if you view their reasons as irrelevant, not serious, or not realistic, understanding their challenges will once again help you stop fighting them and work together productively so both of you can benefit from the conversation and create value for the organization (or system) as a whole.

The Power of Morning Routine

Focus. The center of interest, our ability to pay particular attention to someone or something and see clearly.

I was a machine of getting things done. If you gave me a complicated project, my brain would know how to break it down and make it simple. Like a photographer who looks at the view and knows in their head what the picture should look like, it was as if I aimed my camera lens while squinting my eyes as narrowly as possible so I could see all the steps clearly in my head.
Then one day the focus flew out the window. Having my own business taught me that it is so much easier to deliver when I am part of the team. But working on my own? I lost my ability to commit and see results.

How come?
Like many other skills that business owners must learn to become better at what they do, I did a deep dive to help myself understand what some actions I could take in order to overcome my challenge with staying focused and on track were.

One of the things that showed up repeatedly was a morning routine: from Warren Buffet to Ariana Huffington, many successful people had created a morning routine that would feed their energy and help them stay focused.

 When I brainstorm, with my clients, ways to help them stay focused, I always bring up the morning routine. As Tim Ferriss says, “If you win the morning, you win the day.”

Think less about the time and more about the return on your investment. Yes, some people have a three-hour morning routine: they wake up early, drink water, do a hardcore workout, and then meditate for at least 20-30 minutes. Some even pray, shower in cold water, journal. Many will write down their goals for the day and add on gratitude journaling and then move on to breakfast unless they follow intermediate fasting.

Some will do their emails from home quietly while others will not touch their emails until later in the day. The morning routine is their personal development, self-care and it helps make sure their energy is high and they are focusing on their vision and goals.

 If, like many others, including me, you have a need to boost your energy and want to feel less distracted and more focused, let’s review a few of the steps you can take to explore what can be your morning routine.

Waking Up
That was one of the hardest steps for me. I was (and still am) a night owl. On average, I slept five hours a night. With three little kids, I was tired all the time. It was fine when I lived, worked, and walked in the Big Apple. When we moved to the suburban way of living, I attended a wellness workshop and learned the sad news that sleeping less than six or seven hours not only screwed up the way my body burned the fat when I worked out, but it was also dangerous to my children. You see, driving with so little sleep was scientifically as if I was driving after drinking two glasses of alcohol! That was enough motivation to say goodbye to almost 40 years of late-night work. 
Some might say that to be successful with what you do you should wake up at 5 am, even 4am. And maybe you are one of the lucky ones who hop out of bed when the alarm clock strikes four. If so, congratulations. But it shouldn’t feel like getting up is the worst part of your day. Remember, your morning routine is about setting the tone for the rest of the day. You need to wake up at the right time for you. The key here, however, is to stick to that wake-up time every single day of the week, including the weekend, and to get at least seven hours of sleep.

 Cheat Sheet: Getting Ready
Getting ready for the day can be more efficient when you take a few moments to prepare for your next day the night before. Set an alarm clock half an hour before you want to get to bed. Some people will even need more than one hour to transition to bed. On the nights I know I will start my morning with a run or another workout routine, I will make sure my workout clothes are waiting for me, ready to go. Seeing the workout clothes in the morning is a commitment to the night-Noa who laid them out the night before and who I will stay accountable to in her plan because I know how easy it is for me to get off track. Staying committed to my night goals keeps my energy up, I know I am aligned with what is important to me: I walk the talk, and I am a woman of my words.

 Mindfulness Routine:
Focus is about feeling centered, it is about being mindful and aware of your choices, and beyond anything else, it is about being present with what needs to get done and with others.

Mindfulness, in a nutshell, is the actions we take to become more aware and present with ourselves.
The list to practice mindfulness is long:

• Walk

• Run

• Yoga

• Writing

• Playing (box game) or an instrument

• Creative work

• Meditation

• Praying

• Working in the garden

• Journaling

• Gratitude

• Nutrition and drinking water 

Different people find value in different activities. This is where experimentation comes into the picture. My approach, after speaking with people who teach meditation, yoga and other mindfulness practices, is that it is less about the time and more about the consistency. But first, you have to learn what works for you and what doesn't. Like with food allergies or sensitivities, when people limit what they eat, after a few weeks they can add it back and see, by tracking what they eat every day, how they feel mentally and physically, and whether some symptoms are back. I suggest doing the same when you engage in mindfulness practices into your day. See how those activities impact your physical health, your emotional well-being, and your goals for the day. For example, if you choose to wake up every day at 6:30, and then meditate for 2 -5 minutes, track how your days look when you engage in these activities and how they look when you don’t. For example: How is your day when you engage in the activity? Does meditation help you sleep better or be more present with your work? Are you more focused and less emotional during the day after clearing your thoughts and emotions through journaling? Are you more energized when you work out? If you do miss a day of your morning routine, don’t be upset. Use this as an opportunity to track any difference that occurs when you remove whatever activities you were practicing.

Goal Setting
The vicious cycle of emails. No matter how hard you try to reduce your emails, there are always more. It is so easy to distract yourself and start your day with emails. Before you open your inbox, take a moment to look at your day and set intentions for the day and week. What are one to three goals you would like to achieve today or this week? Having a shortlist of goals forces you to stay focused. Long lists are great to see the big picture, but on a daily basis choose between one to three you would like to accomplish and stick with them. Having these goals written down and planned out is going to allow you to stay focused, feel more productive, and motivated- and, in the long run, accomplish more.

 Experiment to Find Your System
There is no right way to find your perfect morning routine. It took me almost two years to find mine. First I had to work hard to switch my internal clock from a night owl to early bird and only then I was able to add on. I don’t need to work out first thing in the morning; I didn’t find it to be of much value for keeping me focused throughout the day. However, I do need a certain amount of specific workout routines throughout the week in order to feel good, feel more energetic, and to stay focused. Others will find working out in the morning to be the most important component to make their day perfect for them.
At the end of the day, we are different people with different needs. What makes me stay focused might not be of value to you. Be willing to experiment until you find what works for you.
Most importantly, the key here is to start your morning by setting a tone for what you want your day to look like, as well as to take care of yourself before you dedicate the rest of your day to your work, your family, or whatever else is consuming your attention.

Work-Life Balance : How can you look at it differently?

I am not a fan of the term “work/life balance.” Why? Let’s look at the definition of balance: “a state where things are of equal weight or force.” Just as I don’t believe in the idea that we can be happy all the time, I also do not believe that we can have a schedule equally distributed between the work and life, a perfect 50-50 split. Those unrealistic terms frame us in a mindset that is judgmental and deflates our energy.

So I would like to reframe the idea of work-life “balance,” I see work-life balance as energy. Energy is always moving, shifting, and changing. This is why it is not an uneven percentage that frustrates us, but rather our choices: what do we say yes to, and what do we say no to.

When we say yes to too many things, we start feeling like we don’t have control of our time and where we spend it. We feel as though we are spending our time on the wrong things. When we say yes to everything, we don’t feel accomplished or fulfilled or happy: we give more to others and there is no time left for what we need/want to do.

When we experience balance there is a sense of control, and we feel fulfilled and accomplished.  

There are two main areas where I find that it is helpful for my clients and me to achieve more balance in life and feel a sense of control.

1.     Pay attention to your choices – what do you say yes to and what do you say no to.

Saying NO - Sometimes when I head for a quick stop at the supermarket, I look at the big cart or the shopping basket and disregard them “I am only getting milk and bread” I tell myself. But then I pass by the fruit section and see a delightful pack of green grapes that I know my kids enjoy, and then I pass by the cans isle and grab two tomato sauce cans, “It can be a good idea for dinner tonight.” Like my supermarket juggling, having too many things in my hands knowing that in a moment everything will fall down, we do the same with life and work. We say yes to too many things and then we are surprised why we have no time left for what we want or need to do.

If we flip the coin, in his book Essentialism, Greg McKeown, mentions that before we say yes, we need to take a step back and ask ourselves: “What is the main thing I want to see on the path I am walking toward? Is what I am doing essential to reaching my long-term goals or self-care?”
Saying Yes to the “right” things – business, distractions, reactive-fixing problems mentality along the day- makes us forget to take a step back and ask ourselves: “Where are my organization and I heading? What are the small goals we need to take in order to head there?”
Asking these questions will move us from saying yes to the wrong things. Sometimes we say yes to the wrong things because it feels that saying yes to that would be easy to accomplish (especially when it is complicated for others), or maybe because it is comfortable for us. Not only those wrong yeses take us nowhere. They have no value and distract us from seeing the results we want. Yeses should not be the easy and comfortable path, but the ones that will help us grow and bring value to our career and life path.

2.     Design your boundariesMy client once said to me, “As a Human Resources manager, it feels like there is always someone asking me questions, and now, with my newest team member on the team, it is really hard for me to get things done.” In her role like many roles that cater to others’ needs, her door was always open: figuratively, and literally. It was hard to get to the point where she could sit quietly and focus on doing her work, planning, designing, even answering emails. Her days became longer and she arrived home too late to enjoy her two toddlers.

The open-door policy is important in communicating to others that you are accessible and available to support them, but for some people, especially the givers, the ones who are always willing to stop everything they do and help others, they find that there is no time left to accomplish their work. This is when they get in trouble, some will even become bitter and resentful. My client felt this way.
“Can I say that from listening to you it sounds that you have some challenges with boundaries?” She nodded in agreement and replied:  “Yes, I feel it is hard for me to say no with my words and actions to others.”  I asked her to physically draw how the boundary line between her and others looks. “Ha!” she smiled, “as uncomfortable as it is admitted to you, I have no line, at times it might be a very thin line, maybe even dotted – that’s why I never get to do anything, I communicate to people that they can take my time and attention whenever they want.”
We worked together to draw the different boundary lines she wanted to have with different people and in different situations. “You know,” she said, reporting back to me in the next session, “I learned that those lines were meant for me and not for other people. The moment I had them in my head I was able to say no to people or ask them to come back in 2 hours when I am done working on the monthly report. It was actually liberating.”

Whether you feel low-energy because you focus on the wrong goals or spend your time first on others with none left for yourself, take ten minutes to sit down and answer the questions:

1. What are some actions you are saying yes to because they are easy or comfortable, but bring you no value (non-essential)?

2. What are the actions you want to focus on? They might be less easy, maybe not as fun, and maybe even scary but will take you to where you want to be.

3. Are you juggling too many things in your hands right now? Maybe it is time to bring a shopping cart and move some of the things there? You can do that by delegating (to your family or employees), Or you can choose to put things back on the shelf - they are not needed right now and you can buy them at another time.

Remember the key to balanced energy is your ability to make hard choices of what stays and what goes. Does it always bring you joy? No, is it essential? I hope so.
What can you learn from your answers to these questions?