Gratitude Practice - What does it Even Mean?

“Dear journal, I am thankful for my health. Dear journal, I am grateful for my family. Dear journal, I am thankful for the food we have. “
Okay, so maybe there is a better way to approach gratitude? 

Many times when I mention gratitude practice to my leader clients, they have the same look on their face that I used to have when someone said they practice "Gratitude"; I had the look of "come 'on another woo-woo thing that people who wear tie-dye shirts do? 

In this article, l will clarify what gratitude practice is and a few ways that might be helpful for you to try and experiment and see if gratitude practice helps you boost your energy, focus, adversity, and bring a sense of joy that might be missing in your life. 

Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership. Are you ready? Let's go. 

In one of my last videos, I mentioned the negative bias. The negative bias is a tendency we focus in our day, week, and life on the things that don't work for us. For example, you had a wonderful day at work, and then around 2 pm, there was one annoying coworker comment. When you come home, and your partner asks you how your day was, all you remember from that beautiful day is that one annoying comment and respond with a grumpy face: "I had better…." That's what we call the "Negative Bias." Our ancient brain was engineered to be obsessed with our mistakes, with our failures, because the focus on the mistakes and failures made sure we learn from them; that was our way to survive our life in danger out and about. This Negative Bias mechanism kept us alive. The mechanism stayed as in many ancient brain behaviors, but the need is different. 

The good news is that we can reprogram our brains. Our brain CAN learn new ways that serve our new life needs. One of the ways to teach our ancient brain to lower its focus on the negative bias is to focus on progress, what's working, and gratitude.

• Progress – where can we see improvement?

• What's working – where we can recognize and appreciate what we do well?

• Gratitude – where we can appreciate and be grateful for what we have in our lives?

 To learn more about the Negative Bias and rewiring your brain check out my article HERE.

Multiple studies show that gratitude can boost our well-being and improve our mood. A study published in Applied Psychology in 2011 showed that people who practiced gratitude for 15 minutes before they went to sleep slept better and had fewer negative thoughts. Another study found that people who practice gratitude have fewer negative emotions like resentment and anger.

Being more aware of gratitude's impact on our lives, I have noticed a pattern. When I coached successful leaders who are more resilient and find it easier to adapt to change, I asked them what made these attributes their strengths. The answers were the same repeatedly; they were grateful for what they had had in their life. Many mentioned that expressing gratitude was something they saw in their house with their parents or grandparents or another influential leader or teacher they met in their life journey.

This supports other studies that positive and grateful people are contagious; many want to get closer to them. Many successful people practice gratitude every morning.

How do you practice gratitude?

There are many techniques, but I will share three that most of my clients appreciate and, most importantly, find easy to adapt as a habit. 

1.     Journaling

Here is how I define Journaling; Journaling is writing your thoughts and emotions in whatever fits you. There is no right or wrong way to journal; there is no specific length of writing which is good or bad. It can be one word or many pages. It can be a few times a day, every day, or every few days. It can be different from one day to another. The important thing is that you take the time to express your thoughts and emotions in writing and/or drawing/doodling and any other art that suits you. Maybe even composing what we are grateful for?

Here are two you can try.

• The Long List – take time to write down 50 things in your life every day that you are grateful for. This technique is not for every soul. But the purpose of this approach is that the more you write, the deeper you must challenge yourself to see what you have to be grateful for. The competitive, or those who like a challenge, can enjoy this practice. 

• The Shortlist (the Zen Approach) - If, like me, you prefer short and deep. You write two or three things you are grateful for every day, but you have to be specific. 
  Write a specific sentence that expresses why you are grateful for your health: I am thankful that today I could work out for 30 minutes even though my right knee hurts. Instead of writing a vague short sentence like, I am grateful for my health. Or rather than writing, I am thankful for my family, write a specific example that explains why. For example, I am grateful that my son in college called me today, even though I know he prefers to text. 

2.     Visual/Imaginative way - Scan your day and choose the best images of your past day.

 One of the best ways to reprogram your brain to focus on what's working is before you sleep. Before you go to sleep:

• Scan your day.

• Look at all the visuals in your day, somewhat like a video.

• Click the Pause Button on your remote when you identify a moment you are grateful for and be with it.

To appreciate that moment and keep scanning the video of your day, focusing on moments of gratitude, you can take a moment to enjoy and be with them fully.

3.     Praying

Praying can be a religious practice, but not only. Praying can work well for people who like to express their thoughts and emotions out loud. It can also be an excellent gratitude practice for people engaging in or reconnecting with this routine. Prayers can be poems or quotes you feel can be a perfect way to express your gratitude; they can be religious prayers or prayers from a prayer book you like; they can even be prayers you wrote yourself. Prayers can be a poetic way to feel and express how grateful you feel for what you have in your life.

If you choose to experiment with gratitude practice in one of the ways I mentioned above, or a different way, I invite you to pay attention to your day or the day after you practiced gratitude. When I try a new habit, I do my best to be consistent with this new habit, but when I miss a day rather than being upset with myself, I move into curiosity.

What do you notice about yourself when you practiced gratitude vs. the days you didn't? Did something feel different?

 Did you feel more focused? Did you feel more positive? Do you have more energy? Did you sleep better at night? If nothing changes, let it go. But if you notice a shift in the way you experience life, in your ability to deal with challenges and even experience more joy, maybe it's a new routine you can add to your life. 

Thanks for watching. If you liked this video and would like to keep going Beyond with your leadership, please follow me @noaRcoach, subscribe to my YouTube channel, and check out my Beyond Blog here www.noaronencoaching.com

The Negative Bias - Train our Brain to Look at Progress for Better Results and Inner Peace

You're having a great day when suddenly, you have so much progress with the project you lead, and then when you meet a coworker during a coffee break, they are making an irritating comment. The rest of your day went well; during your 1:1 with your supervisor, they complimented you on influencing an idea in the last meeting with the team, and later on, you met with a peer to progress on another project, and you both worked well together. But when you arrive home, all you can remember is the irritating comment from your coworker during the coffee break. 

Why, when you had a not-good, but great day with so many accomplishments, all you can remember is that one incident? 

That phenomenon is called "The Negative Bias" or negativity bias. And in today's article, I will share what negative Bias is and how we can overcome it. 

Hi, I am Noa and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership. 

When you look at your passing day, your week, or maybe even your past month? What are you looking at first? 

1. What have you not accomplished? 

2. What didn't work?

3. What worked?

Most of us tend to look first at all the things that didn't work. Why do we tend to focus on the negative? 

There are different reasons; some are the way we were raised, by our parents our culture: "do better," "do your best," and "aim for excellence!!" "why 99 and not 100?" or "did everyone get 100?" these sentences shape the way we look at the world.

And today, I want to focus on another reason: our brain and, more specifically, our ancient brain. In the last few years, neuroscience research has become very strong. And what we know now about the ancient brain is that its role is to flag danger so we can know if to: "fight," "flight," or "freeze" in moments that can be risky for us and get in our way of surviving life.

One way is by flagging something that is different; the brain will communicate to us: "Hey! Be careful; this is different! It might be dangerous. Stay away."

Another way is when our ancient flags make mistakes: "Hey! That was not a smart idea! Next time you do that, you might get in trouble or lose your life! Don't let it happen again." This mistakes mechanism that our ancient brain flags are called the negative Bias.

But now, when we no longer live in the jungle, that negative bias mechanism can get in our way. Rather than focusing on what's working, we focus on that one thing in the day that didn't work and give it so much attention that we feel distracted.

For example, when we sense that someone is annoyed by us, maybe they even said something to communicate how they feel. We can sense our ancient brain triggers the negative Bias, and we will repeat that sentence in our head many times during the day, asking ourselves: "what could we have done or said differently?" or "why are they so annoyed by us?"

Another example is when we have an important presentation at the office. We wear the yellow shirt that makes us feel confident. After the presentation, a few people stop you outside to compliment you for the presentation. You stop to chat with one of your peers, who says: "by the way you have a coffee stain on your shirt. Do you want the special stain pen I have to fix it?" You thank them, but all you can think about the rest of your day is: "How did I miss this stain?" the compliments from others on your presentation disappear, and you are distracted by the stain.

So what can we do to keep the negative bias mechanism from distracting us? Neuroplasticity, or brain flexibility. Some call it rewiring our brains because our brain is like electric wires that send notifications. We can teach those wires to send new messages. The brain can learn to do that.

But this time, with our brain, the machines you use in the gym are replaced by new ones.

How can we do that? We train our brains like any other muscle we work in the gym. Like any change, change happens in repetition.

You see, what the neuroscientists have found is that we can reprogram or train our brain or pay more attention to what's working, progress, and strengths than the negative, what's not working, and weaknesses. 

Studies show that people who look at progress and strengths as routine practice achieve more.

 Now remember the focus is not on not allowing ourselves to see what's not working or even negative emotions and ALWAYS STAY positive; it is not about not letting our peers express challenges and non-positive experiences. We want to embrace and accept where we are and create a safe space for ourselves and others. And yet, if we notice that our focus is all the time on what's not working when the only feedback we give to others is on weaknesses, when we talk with ourselves and others about improving and doing better but never recognize what's working, maybe it is time to pause and ask ourselves if the ancient brain is distracting us. We might need to refocus and train our brains to notice: Strengths, Progress, and What's working.

How can we do that? 
There are many options, but I will share the two that you can take:

1. Gratitude practice.

 Take time in your day, week, or month to practice gratitude. Please check my next blog post and video to learn more about that.

2. Reflect on what's working and progress. 

Take time at the end of your day/work day to reflect on your day, week, month, quarter, and year. 

 Here are a few questions you can engage in your daily/bi-weekly/weekly/monthly/yearly reflections:

• What are the three things that worked today/week? 

• Where have you seen progress today? Work and life, 

• Where have you seen yourself using your strengths today/this week?

• What are you grateful for?

Find an accountability partner to meet with or share your notes if needed. Ensure you always start with these 4 points before you dive into fixing or discussing what you could have done better.

The more your ancient brain meets this practice, the more you will notice progress with yourself, your peers, your team, your kids, and your life.

I Challenge You:

Do you need to give a performance review to someone you feel is not performing well? That can be very challenging. I will challenge you to take a moment with yourself before you meet with them and ask yourself: what does that person do that works? What is one strength that this person has?

 Find at least one for each of these questions and then prepare again for your conversation with this person.

 I have done the Progress Reflection Practice weekly for over 12 years. Still, each time I reflect on my week, my ancient brain will try to distract me from what's not working, and every week I will delete the first sentence that starts with what's not working and refocus myself and my ancient brain on progress. Remember, like any muscle, when we stop using them, it becomes harder to use them, and the more we use them, the shorter it takes us to overcome challenges. It is a life work of progress, just like any workout.

ILPC - Identify, Label, Pause, Choose

We all had those moments when someone or something triggered or annoyed us.  We observe ourselves from the side and can see the inner spark or total silence that is not aligned with what we want. In those moments, we experience our emotions and or thoughts or actions leading us instead of us leading (not controlling) them. They get in our way to head toward the outcome that we want, and we might even hear an inner conversation that sounds somewhat like: "urge, I ted wish I would show up differently." But the frustrating reality is even though we promise ourselves time after time that we will show up differently – we don't.

Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership. Are you ready? Let's go. 

 In this article/video, I would like to share a simple framework that can help you lead your emotions or thoughts in a productive way.

 Emotional self-regulation or emotion regulation is the ability to understand and manage your behavior and reactions to feelings, especially strong ones, and calm down after something exciting or upsetting happens.

Same with your thoughts, when you know your thought pattern, you can learn how to lead your thoughts in a new way. I call the framework: ILPC. 

 ILPC stands for Identify, Label, Pause, and Choose. 

 Step 1: Identify

Okay, so you are triggered. The question is, how are you showing up when you're triggered?

When we are triggered, our thought patterns and emotions lead us to unwanted behaviors. This is why it's essential to identify the thought patterns that led to how we show up with our feelings and thoughts. 

 Which of the following is your thought pattern, and when does it show up?

• All-or-Nothing Thinking - Seeing things in black-or-white, zero or one, right or wrong. You will think that it has to be either or. But there are many shades of gray and numbers between zero and one.

• Negative Bias – even though things are going well, you pick one negative detail out and focus on it. 
   If you are a neuroscience geek, please know that the negative Bias is a survival behavior adopted by our ancient brain to keep us safe. Making a mistake could cost our lives; this is why our brain wants us to be aware of the "bad decisions we made" and pay attention to what's NOT working. But in today's reality, most of us do not need to worry about our life all the time. Still, the mechanism stayed.   The cure is to learn how to teach our brain to look at WHAT'S WORKING. We can rewire our brains to see situations from a new perspective and switch how we approach them.

• Overgeneralization - Believing that it "always" happens to you or "never" happens to you – this is when we feel frustrated and defeated. 

• Magnification/minimization - Your special magnifying glass can magnify an issue, making it bigger than it is. Or you're able to minimize the situation and your positive qualities. 

• Mind Reading/Fortune Telling - You jump to a conclusion based on a feeling or thought without any evidence to support it.

• Emotional Reasoning - You believe that whatever you're feeling, it must be so. 
  So how do you show up with your thought patterns, and when? 

Step 2 - Label

So now you know.
The problem is that when we often know that we feel or think in a way that is not aligned with the outcome we want to see, we ignore, avoid or make it small. Why?It goes back to your thought pattern:

• Make it small – well, others have more significant problems. I should not be this way.

• Self-Deprecation – how do I even dare to feel or think this way? I should be positive.

• Ignore/Avoid it – I will work and distract myself.

 The problem with these techniques is research that shows that every time you ignore your emotions and your thoughts, you think about them or feel them 49 times more. 
When we label or name our emotions or thought patterns, we validate what we feel and think. We acknowledge that they exist without needing to fix or delve into them. They are just there to co-exist. They are no good or bad. They are just there.
What can be confusing is that labeling our emotions and thoughts doesn't mean that they will stay there forever. Emotions are not stagnant. They come and go. Even right now, when you read or listen to this idea, you have many thoughts and emotions that show up and disappear. When you trust that this is the idea of thoughts and emotions, that they are energy that goes in and out, that there are not there forever – you can validate them and say: I see you and hear you, I know you are here with me. 

 
Step 3 – Pause & Choose

Now, when we name and validate what we feel and think, we can pause and then choose. Have you ever experienced feeling overwhelmed with emotions or thoughts, and when you shared it with another person, you heard the response: "calm down, let's just take a big breath." 
I can't stand it. Why? Because when people tell me to take a big breath, it feels like I don't have a choice: they are making me do something that makes me feel out of control. I don't feel like taking a big breath; what I want to do at that moment is scream, cry, yell, or lose control of my way. Not their way.

Here is what I do believe taking a big breath is not about calming down. Taking a big deep breath is about a moment of PAUSE This deep breath is because I know my emotions and thoughts are leading me It is an intentional moment for me to pause and choose between two options

- Do I want to stay and let my emotions and thoughts keep leading me?

- Do I want to shift to a new way of being or doing?

Pause doesn't have to be a deep breath; it can be anything that makes YOU PAUSE, to be intentional.  You can stand, take a sip of water, step away from your computer, and make yourself a coffee or tea. My favorite is touching a pulse point on your body (heart, arm) or touching jewelry you wear on one of those pulse points (bracelet, watch, neckless). It can also be a grounding question you write on a sticky note and stick to your computer/laptop screen.

Step 4 – Making an Intentional Choice

Making a choice is a powerful experience. Whether I choose to stay or shift, I respond to a need.
If I choose to stay– that's okay – I am choosing to show up this way. 
The paradox at that moment is that we sometimes want and need to stay. Then the transition is organic and gentle. Most important, we are not on autopilot anymore. It is an intentional choice.
If I choose to shift – I only shift after I check in with myself and ask: 
 What do I need? The answer can be different

• I need to step away

• I need to reach out and ask for support 

• I need to reach out so I can see a new perspective

• Anything else you need

What I love about sharing this system is how empowering it is. Being at a place of choice is empowering to you and others.
It takes time to practice this framework, but finding your way is so liberating.

Remember, first, you identify, then you label or name your emotions or your thoughts, you pause to center yourself, and last, you make an intentional choice. And as a leader, you can use that not only with yourself but also to empower others when you help them develop and grow. Experiment with the ILPC and share with me how it works for you. If you liked this video/article, subscribe and share.

What Can You Learn From Listening to Your Procrastination?

At times, when clients are stressed, busy, or overwhelmed, they will talk about themselves as lazy and procrastinators.  But let me ask you, is it true? Are you really lazy? Are you really a procrastinator? I don't think so. I believe there is always a bigger truth to why we do not do what we should do.  I find that most times, we can learn a lot from what the resistance of moving into action is trying to tell us that we ignore and jump right away to what we have heard from others. There is always a bigger truth; we just need to listen to what it has to say about what we call laziness or procrastination.

 Hi, my name is Noa. And I work with teams, leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership. Are you ready? Let's go. 

 Procrastination, as the dictionary defines it is an action of postponing or delaying something. But looking at this definition, I was missing the Why behind this. But why do we procrastinate? I believe that there are three main reasons why we procrastinate.

1. Importance

2. Purpose

3. External Accountability

I will start with number two: Purpose. I believe that many times when we don't move into action, it's because we do not understand the purpose behind the action. We are still unclear about the why behind this action, so there is no real motivation, and sometimes it feels like resistance: "why should you?"
Let me give you an example; When I need to write an article or a blog post, sometimes I find that I cannot move into action and start writing. Initially, I used to feel upset with my slow to action; why am I so excited about the idea of writing but cannot move into action when I sit in front of the screen? What's going on? Now I know that I'm unable to start writing because I still don't have clarity on the purpose behind this topic; the idea is not deep enough for me to move into writing, and my resistance is telling me that I need to understand it better. When I understand the purpose behind what I want to write, when it is all clear to me, it's easier for me to move into action. 

 Reason number one. Importance. 
Sometimes, a reality check and being very honest with ourselves are needed. This is when we need to look in the mirror and ask the hard questions: is this action necessary to me? Maybe this action is not as important as you want it to be. Maybe it is not even you that think this action is essential, but others are telling you that you should/need/have to take the action. Or maybe you see others taking this action and you want to do it because others do. If you look beyond your (or others') shoulds, needs, and have-to-do you really need to take on this action? Listen well to what the resistance to moving into action is trying to tell you. Maybe it's time for you to pause and assess the situation. When we look deeper, we might identify that the action is unimportant or even necessary for us, and we can let it go. Or maybe the actions aligned with the purpose and vision of this action and how it is connected to your life and/or business/work vision.

Now to number three, Accountability. In her work, Gretchen Rubin explains that we are wired differently to move into action to reach our goals. Some of us are motivated by what she calls internal Accountability – we set goals with ourselves and achieve them. Others are motivated by external goals – we need to commit to our teams, a manager, and partners to achieve our goals. Look at your accountability systems; you might notice that you have already created ways to commit to others but overlooked them as external Accountability. If you are wired to achieve your goals by external Accountability – don't work against yourself. No matter how often you say: I will achieve this goal on my own, you have a low probability of doing so. Therefore ask yourself who can serve as your external Accountability partner/s.

 For example, when COVID19 started, I found it hard to engage in running as part of my workout routine, even though I used to do it until then a few times a week. Since I need external Accountability to achieve goals when I don't move into action, I reached out to my youngest son, who wanted to learn how to run longer runs. I asked him if he would support me in going back to running while I was teaching him how to get to a run of 2-3 miles gradually. That was a win-win for both of us. He learned how to run longer runs, and I could get my two, three miles runs a few times a week back into my weekly workout routine. And start creating systems of committing to an accountability partner or accountability buddy. 

To learn more about Accountability Partners and external and Internal Accountability, check out my article about accountability partners. 

 So remember, you are not lazy nor a procrastinator, and there is a lot you can learn from listening to the resistance from moving into action. So lean back, pay attention and listen to what the procrastination has to teach you; It could be that this action is not that important to you. Or, maybe there is a lack of clarity about the purpose around the doing of this action. Or, perhaps, you need external Accountability to achieve your goals and move into action. If you liked this video and would like to go beyond with your leadership, make sure to subscribe to this channel, like this video, and/or share my blog post.

Six Things You Should Know Before Hiring an Executive Coach

Here you are - asking yourself whether you or your company should hire an Executive Coach to support you or a few people on your team. This professional interaction can provide a great opportunity for self-development, to take you from good to great, and to dare yourself to be the leader you want to and can be for your team and organization as a whole.

I gathered all the information I think you should know before you hire or consider hiring an executive coach. This information comes from questions I receive from new clients, people who reach out after they see me speaking in conferences, people who are watching my social media videos, or people reading my book and articles. Here are the six things you should know about executive coaching.

What Is Executive Coaching?

Let me take a step back and share the ICF (International Coach Federation - the international coaching association) definition of coaching: “Coaching is a thought-provoking and creative partnership that inspires clients to maximize their personal and professional potential, often unlocking previously untapped sources of imagination, productivity, and leadership.” 

An executive coach builds on these fundamental skills by helping the executive become aware of their leadership blind spot so they can achieve their personal/organizational goals and see consistent results. 

Mostly the coach and executive will decide on a few coaching goals to focus on for four to six months. 

So, What Is The Difference Between Coaching, Mentoring, Consulting, And Therapy?

With all the personal and emotional professionals out there, it can be confusing to understand what the difference between a coach and other professionals is. So let’s take a moment to make the distinction between the different professions.

1. Therapists identify the past events that are getting in your way of moving forward.

2. Consultants help you solve a specific problem by following steps they designed themselves and believe to be the best method. This mostly comes from their own experience.

3. A mentor is someone who walked the path you want to walk and helps you, from their own personal experience, to move toward this goal. 

4. Coaches help you close the gap between where you are right now and where you want to be. The coach does that by asking powerful questions that help you find clarity so you can move forward. 

Confidentiality

Being a leader, I knew that at times there are situations I can’t share with my peers, friends, and even with my husband. Executives are exposed to information that can be delicate or might feel very uncomfortable sharing with others. ICF certified professional coaches must abide by the ICF code of ethics, which requires the coaches to keep the coaching conversations with their clients confidential, no matter who sponsors the coaching. This is why even when organizations sponsor a coaching engagement, an executive coach is not allowed to share the conversation with their client. I can tell you that when my clients know that our work is confidential, we are able to have open-hearted conversations that allow a profound conversation

It Can Be Lonely Up There

Being a leader and having experience as a change management consultant, I learned that the higher up you are in the organization, the less you can share. Working with an executive coach can help you bounce ideas off of a trusted partner, or to take time to brainstorms some solutions to a challenge or opportunity. Some of my clients found it easy to hide or not be seen or to move on without taking a moment to pause, celebrate, and Reflect. Unconsciously, they learned that it is better to shy away rather than getting in trouble or being seen and hurt others. 

Having an executive coach can be a place to celebrate a breakthrough, promotion or success, especially if you overcome an obstacle or when you feel uncomfortable talking about it or celebrating it with your peers or even with your partner. It is important to sit with your wins and reflect on them too, as much as when you overcome challenges or mistakes.

Different Perspective

When you come to the coaching conversation, you likely have one or two perspectives on a current situation. Being on autopilot you might not have been able to notice your blindspots, or maybe you were too busy to take the time and think about them. The coaching conversation allows you to explore a new perspective and even identify some areas you might have been lacking clarity in, especially when you talk with someone who holds an external perspective and is not engaged one way or another with the other personas in the organization. 

Have An Honest Conversation With You

In her study about self-awareness, Tasha Eurich found that the higher you are on the corporate ladder the less self-aware you are. Why is that? Her study shows that a big part of it is that the higher up you are, the fewer people will tell you what they think. 

You know how important it is for you to receive feedback from your team and peers, still, according to a 2017 study from Quantum Workforce, about half of employees don't regularly speak their mind at work -- whether to colleagues or managers.  I know how much I craved honest feedback or conversation without people holding back, and if this a need you feel has not been met, my promise to you is to always have an honest conversation with you where I share how I experience you. 

 As you can see from this article, executive coaching covers a wide spectrum of leadership skills: vision, strategy, techniques, and even wellness. Each executive coach has a unique methodology and a unique perspective of what can help their clients thrive. This is why most coaches offer a free coaching session to help you identify your coaching journey, and see if the methodology the coach is using and their style will be a good fit for you. Take advantage of this opportunity and speak with more than one executive coach to see who you feel can fit your needs and whom you feel comfortable speaking with. 

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To help you get ready in your preparation for hiring an executive coach, I gathered everything I discussed in this article into a one-page checklist.  As a bonus, I also added important questions that can help you get better clarity of what are your main coaching goals, and what you should ask your coach in order to make sure they are the best fit for you

Procrastination - Why I believe there is wisdom in our resistance to move into action and how can we start listening to it?

Well, here I am. It is the evening before this article is due. Did I start it a week ago, when I assigned it to myself? Of course not. I, like many, struggle with a common challenge: Procrastination. For years I fought this urge to put everything off to the last minute. I'd receive an assignment and say, "This time, I'm going to be organized. I'm going to start early, go bit by bit, and not put everything off to the last second. I will not procrastinate."

 My daughter can attest to this tendency. Every weekend, before COVID19 hit us, the two of us would head to our favorite coffee shop. She would work on her homework, and I would focus on writing. Writing during the workweek is very challenging to accomplish. So moving it to the weekend made sense. "Did you start?" she would ask me about an article or chapter in my book or a speech I had to work on. "I just need to work on something else that is very important, and then I will start!" I would tell her with a mother who knows it all face.

But, ultimately, we'd be heading to the car from the café, and she'd ask me, "Did you complete the task?" And time after time, I was forced to say, "I haven't even started."

Time after time, I'd end up in my office two days before the event or due date writing and practicing like a madwoman. And time after time, when my daughter came cautiously, afraid of the madwoman in the office, aka me... to say goodnight, she'd sigh and say, "Oh Mom, why did you wait until the last minute again?"

"Because," I'd say. "That's just the way I am."

 Even though my frantic preparation for these events was intense enough to scare away my family for the day, one time, I finally got my daughter to watch one of my speeches with me. My daughter looked at me, confused. "This is from when you procrastinated? From two days of preparation?"

"Yes, it is."

"But you did so well! If I waited to the last minute like you, instead of preparing ahead of time, I would be a mess!"

Maybe some of you are like my daughter, and perhaps you must start early for the sake of your mental health and internal peace. But for some, like me, procrastination stimulates a "good stress" that allows us to bring our best product. The moment I realized this IS my process, I became a free woman.

After years of struggle and self-deprecation, and endless coaching conversations with clients about this topic, it might be time to edit my business card and give it the additional title: Noa Ronen, an Executive & Leadership Coach, Speaker, Author, and a Proud Procrastinator.

Next time your procrastinator-tendencies cause internal conflict, how will you know if procrastination works for you or against you?

Does procrastination get you in trouble?

"I am such a procrastinator," one of my clients shared with me at the beginning of our session. "You know," I told him, "I believe sometimes procrastination is a good thing; let's try and see what it is trying to tell us…."

 "You know," he said, "I have never got in trouble for doing things in the last minute. I have never failed at school, or college; I keep being seen and promoted. Plus, maybe it just creates space for me to work on more important tasks?" 

 We took a moment to look at his calendar, and he said, "I think I will take care of this task tonight," then, while smiling, he stopped and said, "but I probably won't…" 

 "I love it!" I said, "a moment of honesty; So when are YOU going to do it? tomorrow?"

 "Nope," he said, laughing.

 "The day after," I asked?

 "No way," He replied, laughing louder, "I don't see getting to this task before the end of the week."

 "I have to ask you… how does it serve you when you put tasks on your calendar that torture you when you know you will not touch them until later in the week/month? You have enough on your plate - work with you, not against you."

Does the stress of procrastination lead you to create just an okay product or a fantastic product?

If waiting for the last minute helps you create a fantastic product, keep procrastinating; it is part of your creative process. Some research shows that in the "not doing," your brain keeps working and thinking and collecting different ideas that show up when you do the work.

And what if waiting to the last minute can get in your way or even gets you in trouble?

 I believe we can learn plenty from your resistance. I refer to it as the wisdom or your resistance. 

When you postpone doing something, I believe that most times, it's not because you are lazy or disorganized; there is a reason for your non-action that you are AwareLess to see for now. So, what is it that you're resisting? What can the resistance teach us if we take a moment to listen to it?

• Are you going against your core values? Your values like the north star, make sure you keep walking with integrity and follow the path of what's important to you. When you need to take on action against your core values, you will experience an internal conflict that will hold the doing. For example: if you're asked to stay late, and your core value is freedom, you may resist doing the task and check your social media feed. You DID stay, but your actions are keeping you in control of your value, or you will resent the request and act out.

• I don't know enough? Is it true? Suppose the answer is yes, you probably don't move into action because you are missing skills or knowledge. Still, at times people who lean to believe they don't know enough can get in trouble. They feel that no matter how much they learn, it will never be enough for them; this is when learning becomes their obstacle from achieving results. It is a wiser mechanism of avoiding moving into action. If you know that this is a pattern of yours and ongoing learning takes you away from achieving your tasks on time, here is my question to you (you can use this question with employees who hold this perspective); what is one step you can take with the information you already have?

• Purpose and Meaning - are you missing clarity about the purpose or the why of moving into action? When we don't understand the purpose or meaning of something we need to act on, we don't move to action. This resistance will show up with the goals you set for yourself or others. This is the essential information and an opportunity for you to step back and ask yourself:

• What is the purpose of this project?

• What is essential for me about this goal?

• What will people (or I) experience from sharing/creating/writing this message?
  
  It can sometimes be hard to find all the answers on your own, and you will need help from a mentor or coach.

• Maybe it's just not important enough? If you're resisting something or not moving into action, maybe it is time for an honest conversation with yourself and letting it go if necessary. The question I ask is straightforward: from 1 to 100 (1 being the lowest and 100 the highest), how much is this project important to you? Remember, no one sees or hears you, so be entirely honest with your wants, not your needs, have tos, or shoulds.

• Maybe your goal is essential, but not now? When I look at my plan/goals, I can identify a project or goal important for me but not now. Allowing ourselves to decided: Yes! But not now is helping up making sure we focus and prioritize the now while freeing our headspace from distractions.

 When we look at procrastination as something we don't do, we miss an opportunity to listen to our resistance's wise message.

Maybe procrastination can serve you? Perhaps it can help your creative juices flow or making you feel more in control? Time after time, my clients learn so much from slowing down and listening to their inner wisdom.

Maybe there is something you can learn from not acting on a specific task? Perhaps you can learn from checking in with yourself and paying attention to how you work? And maybe, just maybe procrastination is your intuition leading you towards YOUR way of heading to focused success?