Five Shorts -Why I don't Wait for 2021? Burnout, Energy and Gratitude.

Short 1 - Why I Don't Wait for 2021

A year ago, December 2019, I was full of excitement – I waited for 2020 to begin. 

20 20

This number 2020 - I had this unique feeling that nothing can go wrong; did you share the same feeling? 

And then 2020 happened; so much messiness and uncertainty and still, can I admit that 2020 was a joyful year for me? How come?

The main reason – I stopped waiting. Each time there was an obstacle in my life - I waited, I waited for nothing. Obstacles stay, the question is do you stand and wait for them to move, or do you move.

This time I took advantage of the new reality aka family at home. 

I had no hard stops, no need to pick up kids or run errands; I can do what I want and I learn how to approach my skills in a new way. I learned how to deliver virtual events in an entertaining way (thank you YouTube); I started speaking as a guest at podcasts (I love love love it), I get to network with podcast hosts worldwide.

You see, In this paradox of being in somewhat of a lockdown, I feel freer than ever.

Short 2 - Why You Shouldn’t Wait for 2021?

Why wait?

Why not now?

What is the difference between today and January 1st?

What if there was never a new year to wait for? What would be possible then?

Check my new article about why I believe procrastination is not as bad as we think. Procrastination - Why I Believe There Is Wisdom In Our Resistance And How Can We Start Listening To It?

Short 3 - Energy Bank 

This month's theme is... drum rolls... Energy.

Many of the people I coach have back to back meetings. The never-ending story. The vicious cycle of people being at home and creating more work for each other.

Here is what to do when you feel that your energy is low:

1. Step one – write down all your energy drainers and all your energy boosters:

Energy Drainers: Here you write everything that takes from your energy: people, actions, situations. For example, every time they ask for a five-minute chat, a peer drags you to a 30-45 minutes call while they complain and complain. Maybe energy drainer is when you don't have time to eat lunch or have video meetings all day long or work every day after dinner.

Energy Boosters: Here you write all the things that boost your energy: people, actions, activates. For example:

• Walk outdoors for 20 minutes

• Have phone calls instead of video calls (can you walk while you have those calls)?

• Eating lunch with your child once a week

• Listening to a podcast/audiobook

• Coach one of your team members

• Learning something new or read a book for 30 minutes

• Coffee

• Meditation

• Work in the garden

• Meet a friend once a week?

2. Step two – include energy boosters in your weekly and monthly plan. How? 

• Ask yourself how many of the energy boosters you would like to fit into your week. No judgment; One? Two? More?

• Reality-Check - Open your calendar and see how many of the boosters you CAN fit into your calendar.

• Add the boosters

• Protect your boosters

• Repeat every week, month, and year.

Short 4 - Burnout 

In my book, I talk about the Being and Doing Energies. The Doing energy is the energy of the actions. The Being energy is the energy of our mindset (thoughts, fears, aspirations, beliefs, perspectives) and emotions.
Burnout is when we experience emotional exhaustion. Most of us focus on the actions and regard the being energy. Why is that? From an early age, we learned from the adults that actions are what expected from us and what we are rewarded for ("Be a good boy and clean up your room, be a good girl and do your homework) so we focus on doing.
Burnout is when our container of emotions and thoughts is BEYOND full so we ignore what we feel and think and focus on actions or prefer to focus on actions because inside we know that touching the emotions and thoughts can be too much.
It is a journey to learn how to BE with our emotions and thoughts or to be with the emotions and thoughts of others.
During the Holiday Season when you meet with your family and friends, when it feels too much, or when you hear too many thoughts in your head - slow down and acknowledge what you feel and think, and if needed take a break and recharge.

How?

• Go on a walk/run

• Sit outside

• Work in the garden

• Listen to this 60 minutes podcast about burnout with Brene Brown while cooking

But I am the host I can’t leave them…

• So take 15 - find a quiet room like the laundry room, the garage, your bathroom, your closet, and take five to twenty minutes to breathe, meditate, read a book/poems, journaling or listening to a podcast or TED talk that can inspire you.

• If you have kids take them outside and play with them.

Check out the following two podcasts around burnout

1. Nothing Left to Give - A full podcast around burnout - Click here to check the podcast

2. Brené with Emily and Amelia Nagoski on Burnout and How to Complete the Stress Cycle -   Click here to listen to the podcast episode

Short 5 - Gratitude 

Once a month I meet with my coach. In coaching it is the coachee's responsibility to bring the topic for the conversation –– to indicate what they want to work on. This month I was not sure about my topic. But what did show up is gratitude. Gratitude to many of my clients who show up week after week –– some for six months, some for a year. They show up with a topic, e-v-r-e-y-t-i-m-e. And even if they don't have a topic, they trust that in the coaching conversation they will always learn something new about themselves or their challenges. I am inspired by their want to grow and become their better selves - not just for themselves but also for the impact they create in building relationships with others.

Five Shorts - October - Puppies, Fall and the Wisdom of Resistance

Short 1 - The Wisdom of Resistance
Procrastination? Excuses? Laziness? Here is what I have learned from pushing back on those notions from my clients. Most of them are not lazy; when we take a moment to listen to the wisdom of resistance, it always has something wise to say. So why we don't move? Mostly it is when we don't have clarity about the purpose and meaning of what we are doing or asked to do. Until you understand the purpose or get clarity on what you want to create, sitting in front of this task and making yourself do it will move you nowhere.
Check this video to learn more about this idea.
 
 

Short 2 - Books, Books, Books
When I published my book, my desire to read returned. I promised myself to read at least one or two books each month. Right now, I am reading

• The Heart of Buddha's Teaching, Thich Nhat Hann – it was time to deep dive and understand better the foundations of Buddhism; I like how simple this book is.

• The Color of Water, James McBride - recommended by my daughter. A real story being told by the black son of an orthodox mother. Expressing a black child's identity crisis beautifully and a young man without a father in a challenging reality of courageous mothers goes against so many norms.

• Stretch, unlock the power of less by Scott Sonenshein – are you a chaser? In the last few months, I work on experiencing more joy, and one of the biggest realizations was that the question "What's Next?" needs to move away; it is time to stay and appreciate where I am and being more resourceful with what we have.

Short 3 - Is It Bad?
My older sister said something a few weeks ago that stuck with me. Like any sister's conversation, we always have the kids segment: "How are the kids doing?" we ask each other. I told her that I am worried about the kids. They don't have enough social interaction. "I don't think it is such a big deal," my sister said, "our kids learn now how to be resilient; we made life too easy for them. Our life as kids was not that easy so that they will have a good lesson from this season in their life."
It made me look at my kids differently. I see my kids appreciating socializing with their friends more; they enjoy spending time with my husband and me.
I see them enjoying the virtual learning and creating their schedule for a whole day with ease. I can see each of them where the struggle is, and I challenge them to work through it rather than solve it for them. I want them to know that I am always there for them, but they are creative and resourceful, and after this experience, they will be even more.

Short 4 - Connect Two
Do you wish you had more time? Do you wish you were able to achieve more goals in your long to-do list? I don't have a long list, but I keep some goals consistently as my weekly goal. For years I have: a meeting with a friend once a week. Yep. This is a long term weekly goal. Another weekly goal is 4-5 times a week to work out and even no workout day to recharge and chill.
But what do we do when there is a new goal? How do we incorporate the new ones with the current ones? My secret is connecting two.

• Meet a friend and walk

• Be with my kids and workout

• Listen to podcasts or audiobook while cooking or doing puzzles

• I invite my clients to walk during our coaching sessions

What are your Connect Two? Share your tips.

Short 5 - Adventure Anyone?
What brings you joy? One of the things that bring me joy are little adventures. When I lived in Brooklyn, my favorite thing was to go with the kids (or alone) on an adventure. We hopped on the Subway train, and when we got off the train, the adventures had always found us. Every Sunday morning, my husband and I go on a long walk. It became our COVID tradition, but with a decision to let go of date nights, one Sunday morning, I asked him if he feels like heading to a coffee shop and get something after the walk. We got back home from the walk, got into the car, and off we went. The next week Saturday night, I saw on Instagram that a new coffee shop is opening; what's going on? So many new coffee shops that are opening during COVID19? Maybe it is a way for us to support new businesses while doing what we both love, drinking coffee? And that's how our new adventure started, every Sunday we go on a long walk and then check a coffee shop new or old that we haven't checked before. It is our special time, and it feels like an adventure. Our adventure.
Here are a few of the coffee shops we checked until now;
Here
and
Here
and
Here
For more check my Instagram Feed.

My Latest Social Media Video - Puppies?  
Check my latest social media video with my son Idan; he explains the connection between pace, progress, and puppies.

Check it here

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The COVID-19 New Reality Guide #4 When Things Will Go Back to Normal…(?)

“I just can’t keep going with this constant change; I can’t wait for things to go back to normal. I feel overwhelmed with taking care of little kids and the changing strategy at work, I wouldn’t say I like change, I like stability. Until I felt like I am catching up with things, every day, I wake up to my manager, letting me know we pivot again. I am just tired and can’t wait for things going back to normal.”

Oh! Change.

Part of my career experience was to take organizations through change. When everyone was feeling as the ground underneath their feet was shaking, I was there excited to take them to the other side of the road, not back to normal.

But there is the Noa who loves helping people and organization go through change; she thrives when she leads teams through change. This Noa feels focused, grounded, strategic, and agile. I know how to work and pivot fast, and it is actually pure fun for me. Indeed, many of my clients thrive right now, and I can even use the word fun regarding how they feel with how they show up in this constant environment. They are sharp, fast, and people trust them and follow them.

Yet, in my personal life it feels as in the last 15 years my life pivot constantly, I can admit and say that every time I thought I could control my life and I will not need to slow down any more for family reasons and at last, can move into full steam with my business, something showed up. First, we had to relocate again, and then I had to establish my coaching business in a new state. Then my husband had to travel more for work, which impacted my schedule, and last we had family issues that required my attention. With the last health issue, my relationship with “When – Then” stopped. What I mean by when-then is that you create in your head a belief that when things are different, then you can achieve what you want. This is a common belief we have with achieving goals, we believe that when we reach a specific goal, we will feel happy, but when we meet the goal – it is doesn’t fill as happy or fulfilling as we expected.

The family health situation was the universe's cruel way of teaching me that life will never fit my needs. Period. Holding on this self-limiting belief was a waste of time, and mostly not being able to achieve what I wanted the way I wanted to make me beyond frustrated. Yep, as I always say, I take my time to learn what the universe is trying to teach me. Still, from the other side of the learning curve, my learning was there would never be a “perfectly normal” things might improve or look different, but I can't recall a time in my life they went back to the same normal - and what is even that normal anyway?  

So if like my when-then clients (and the “waiting-Noa), you scan your life in this COVID-19 reality and tell yourself, or others: “when things will go back to normal, then I will feel different,” here are a few things I want to share with you from my learning and the work with my clients during this reality: 

Waiting will not serve you

 When you tell yourself and others that when things go back to normal, then everything will be fine - what you are doing is expanding the time of feeling frustration and self petty. You extend the waiting.

Anxiety loves waiting

But wait! Isn’t waiting is choosing to be patient? Waiting is actually about not making any decision, and with that, you feel as you are stuck and not move into any action. We humans like having a sense of purpose and feeling stuck can be very frustrating. 

Why planning works?

 Here is the deal, when we wait, w take on no action, which keeps us in the not knowing. Anxiety and other overwhelming emotions live very well when you have no plan. With no plan, they take over your show of the worry and self-judgment: "what will happen?" "when things will go back to normal?" "why can I be flexible like others?". Making a decision not to wait and designing a plan of how your feelings, thoughts, and actions can look like right now in this reality without losing it is stop waiting. It can be a short term plan - how am I feeling better tomorrow or this week, it doesn't need to be for the next month; anyway we don't know how things will look like in a month. But here is then thing, choosing to stop waiting and moving into a plan makes you feel empowered when you feel empowered, you feel resourceful again, and creativity shows up, and with that, you will stop feeling stuck.

What is even normal? 

Stories - we tend to feel and think that everything before was much better than how things are right now. But with so many variables, no one knows how life is going to look like when lock-down ends. I am not saying it can’t happen, but have you considered the possibility that things will never go back to the old normal? Have you considered that even the word normal is kind of 'off' right now? 

So how can you move from waiting to designing a short term or longer plan to support how you feel, think, and act right now so you can lower worry, frustration, and even anxiety levels and feel more empowered, creative and seeing results?

The Guide For Your New Reality @Covid-19 Era: #1 Working From Home With Kids

A few days ago, an executive with young children decided not to cancel our coaching call even though his kids were on his laps, while his wife was taking a conference call with clients in the home office. "I am sorry," he said, "it was the choice between canceling our call or the choice of taking the time with you to recover, get clarity and get your help preparing for a challenging conversation right after our call. So I decided to keep our session with my kids in the background - I hope you understand. I am really sorry." I do understand.

As a professional coach, I get to hear the two sides of the coin: how managers experience a situation and how employees experience it, and there is a lot of learning that I think is essential to share with you. I believe that not only our life is changing now, but it will also impact on how we do things afterward and how the "new normal" will look like when life "go back to normal." This is why I decided to create the SOS series of articles that can help you cope and get a new perspective on your work and life challenges in the covid-19 reality.

"I am sorry," 

So like many others, in the past few weeks, many of my clients shifted their calls with me or meeting in-person to remote calls from home. I see clients who need to share office space with their partner; I see clients who work from their living room next to their toddler's rug filled with toys, I see clients who have to talk with me while their kids are playing and asking them a question, or crying because they don't want to take a nap. An apology always follows the kids (or pets) interruptions. Don't they know I understand?

We Are in a Grace Period

If you are one of those parents that work from home, sharing the office with your partner, your pets, and your kids. Stop feeling that you need to apologize when your kids make noise or sit on your lap, or when you forgot to unmute yourself when you yelled at them to be quiet. Yes, before some of those behaviors were "unprofessional," but this is a time of grace. What do I mean by that? 

Most managers care. Most of my executives' clients care for their people. They take the time to think with me how they can help their people, how they can make sure their people feel supported, what is the best way to communicate with their people without being over-controlling, and even how they can create space for their people so they don't feel overwhelmed.

This IS a Time of Change

Do you feel not professional because your kids need attention and food rather than sitting all day long in front of their screens? This is not easy, but what if we reframe "not professional" and realize that part of our roles as parents is to be professional with our kids too? They need care, running outside, and even some structure. We feel that this is just a temporary situation. Still, I believe that the sentence: "This is how we do business" is breaking into little pieces and will challenge companies and organizations to listen to their people who will demand a new reality that will not go back to the old normal. Things will change after this change. Look around, all the "right" ways of doing things are fading, and suddenly almost everyone is okay with getting messy and moving processes fast to make things work even if not in a perfect way.

Here are a few steps you can take to help yourself or your team feel better about working from home with kids:

Managers:

1. Can You Imagine this? Many couples are sharing one office space with their partner who works too. It is not easy with babysitters or grandparents are out of the question. As one of my c-suite clients shared with me: "I have piles of dishes in my kitchen, piles of laundry, I didn't get to the supermarket, and after my workday ends I need to take care of the house, I am so tired and have no support system."

2. Reality check - I don't believe kids will go back to school this year, how long do you think kids can sit in front of the screens with no attention?

3. Let them know - don't assume your working parents think you understand, mostly they don't. So let them know.

4. Let them know again - Pick up the phone and ask how they are doing.

5. Design the new reality - ask your people what do they need. It is okay to ask for some structure, but make sure to design it in a way that works for both sides and that you have tangible steps.

6. Say Thank You - let them know you see they are making an effort.
   

Parents:

1. Stop apologizing and give yourself permission to be a parent - you are not alone; you didn't choose to work this way, nor have this reality.

2. Talk to your manager and find a win-win- if your manager didn't say anything and you feel like you should have a conversation, let them know that you need some understanding. Maybe there is a way for you to design together a flexible time that suits your personal needs and working goals.

Master Walking his Talk

One of my favorite spots is our downtown Coffee shop. As a coffee lover, a latte is my favorite drink. My coffee has to have the right aroma and right taste, and I know that in this coffee shop, no matter who makes my coffee it will taste the same. 

A few days ago when I entered the coffee shop, I was surprised to see my kids’ Taekwondo teacher assistant, or as they call it: The Master’s Assistant. When he saw me entering the coffee shop, he stood up and bowed toward me. 

When my three kids joined the Taekwondo studio the Master taught us, the parents and the kids, that when we all enter the studio, we bow, when the kids go on the mattress or off the mattress, they bow. When the Master and other instructors hand you something you bow, and when you hand something to the Master he bows. 

When you bow, it signifies not only respect for your Master and classmates but respect for yourself, for the art of Taekwondo and your life in general. It is a universal gesture that signifies respect and appreciation. It is as they say without words: “I see you.”

When my teenage kids came for the free trial lesson, I could see something in their eyes and stance that I haven’t seen for a while. The Master was able to ask for respect and discipline from the students, but at the same time, he also showed respect for each student.

As you know, this is an experience that teenage kids don’t always have. I believe that most of the time when you enter teenage phase two things happen at the same time; While observing the world and the adults they are trying to understand what’s good/right and what’s bad/wrong and with those categories, they observe the adults and the world as a whole. It feels at time as they have much judgment regarding the way adults behave. They are watching closely to see if the adults are walking their talk in alignment with what they expect from the kids. 

That day, when my kids took the trial class, I could see that because the Master’s respected all students and at the same time almost demand respect, they saw the Master, an adult, whom his walking his talk. I could sense how their energy is shifting during and after the class; it was magic. 

Back to the coffee shop, when the assistant Master bowed toward me, I have to admit that I was inspired. This young man who has a dream to be a Taekwondo Master walked his talk. In today’s world, I feel that many of us walk conflicted. We behave one way in the office and another way when we leave the office.

When I mentor new coaches or coach business owners they will talk with passion about the deep conversations they have with their clients. However, when they leave the office, when they are outside with other people who are not their clients they let go of their gifts, and it is as they don't know how to utilize their strengths the same way. They hold a value or strength strongly with one group of people and don't know how to access it, how to use it in other areas in life. 

This young man knows that there is a long way for him to become a master. Even when you receive the black belt, the journey is still long. He also understands that part of his journey to become a master is to model Master behavior everywhere he goes. He holds the values of his Art strongly no matter where he goes and whom he speaks to.

I think that for some of us, doing what he did, stand up and bow in the middle of a coffee shop might sound strange, but when you walk your talk, you hold your values, thoughts and behaviors aligned no matter where you go or what others think. You stay true to what is most important to you even when others don't get it.

Do you feel a gap right now between the way you show up in one place and the way you show up in other areas of your life? I want to invite you to notice yourself. Notice your behavior, thoughts, and actions. Where does everything feel aligned? Where do you feel out of balance?

Gradually add one thing you do well to every aspect of your life and see what is available when you bring it everywhere. 

For example, curiosity, if you are curious at home, with your friends and strangers, but lack curiosity at work, try to bring curiosity to everything you do and everywhere you go. Ask, ask and ask even more and see what the impact on your life or others is. 

You might lose your balance even when you work on it, but the more you notice yourself and your gaps you will expand who you are and grow.