Five Shorts -Why I don't Wait for 2021? Burnout, Energy and Gratitude.

Short 1 - Why I Don't Wait for 2021

A year ago, December 2019, I was full of excitement – I waited for 2020 to begin. 

20 20

This number 2020 - I had this unique feeling that nothing can go wrong; did you share the same feeling? 

And then 2020 happened; so much messiness and uncertainty and still, can I admit that 2020 was a joyful year for me? How come?

The main reason – I stopped waiting. Each time there was an obstacle in my life - I waited, I waited for nothing. Obstacles stay, the question is do you stand and wait for them to move, or do you move.

This time I took advantage of the new reality aka family at home. 

I had no hard stops, no need to pick up kids or run errands; I can do what I want and I learn how to approach my skills in a new way. I learned how to deliver virtual events in an entertaining way (thank you YouTube); I started speaking as a guest at podcasts (I love love love it), I get to network with podcast hosts worldwide.

You see, In this paradox of being in somewhat of a lockdown, I feel freer than ever.

Short 2 - Why You Shouldn’t Wait for 2021?

Why wait?

Why not now?

What is the difference between today and January 1st?

What if there was never a new year to wait for? What would be possible then?

Check my new article about why I believe procrastination is not as bad as we think. Procrastination - Why I Believe There Is Wisdom In Our Resistance And How Can We Start Listening To It?

Short 3 - Energy Bank 

This month's theme is... drum rolls... Energy.

Many of the people I coach have back to back meetings. The never-ending story. The vicious cycle of people being at home and creating more work for each other.

Here is what to do when you feel that your energy is low:

1. Step one – write down all your energy drainers and all your energy boosters:

Energy Drainers: Here you write everything that takes from your energy: people, actions, situations. For example, every time they ask for a five-minute chat, a peer drags you to a 30-45 minutes call while they complain and complain. Maybe energy drainer is when you don't have time to eat lunch or have video meetings all day long or work every day after dinner.

Energy Boosters: Here you write all the things that boost your energy: people, actions, activates. For example:

• Walk outdoors for 20 minutes

• Have phone calls instead of video calls (can you walk while you have those calls)?

• Eating lunch with your child once a week

• Listening to a podcast/audiobook

• Coach one of your team members

• Learning something new or read a book for 30 minutes

• Coffee

• Meditation

• Work in the garden

• Meet a friend once a week?

2. Step two – include energy boosters in your weekly and monthly plan. How? 

• Ask yourself how many of the energy boosters you would like to fit into your week. No judgment; One? Two? More?

• Reality-Check - Open your calendar and see how many of the boosters you CAN fit into your calendar.

• Add the boosters

• Protect your boosters

• Repeat every week, month, and year.

Short 4 - Burnout 

In my book, I talk about the Being and Doing Energies. The Doing energy is the energy of the actions. The Being energy is the energy of our mindset (thoughts, fears, aspirations, beliefs, perspectives) and emotions.
Burnout is when we experience emotional exhaustion. Most of us focus on the actions and regard the being energy. Why is that? From an early age, we learned from the adults that actions are what expected from us and what we are rewarded for ("Be a good boy and clean up your room, be a good girl and do your homework) so we focus on doing.
Burnout is when our container of emotions and thoughts is BEYOND full so we ignore what we feel and think and focus on actions or prefer to focus on actions because inside we know that touching the emotions and thoughts can be too much.
It is a journey to learn how to BE with our emotions and thoughts or to be with the emotions and thoughts of others.
During the Holiday Season when you meet with your family and friends, when it feels too much, or when you hear too many thoughts in your head - slow down and acknowledge what you feel and think, and if needed take a break and recharge.

How?

• Go on a walk/run

• Sit outside

• Work in the garden

• Listen to this 60 minutes podcast about burnout with Brene Brown while cooking

But I am the host I can’t leave them…

• So take 15 - find a quiet room like the laundry room, the garage, your bathroom, your closet, and take five to twenty minutes to breathe, meditate, read a book/poems, journaling or listening to a podcast or TED talk that can inspire you.

• If you have kids take them outside and play with them.

Check out the following two podcasts around burnout

1. Nothing Left to Give - A full podcast around burnout - Click here to check the podcast

2. Brené with Emily and Amelia Nagoski on Burnout and How to Complete the Stress Cycle -   Click here to listen to the podcast episode

Short 5 - Gratitude 

Once a month I meet with my coach. In coaching it is the coachee's responsibility to bring the topic for the conversation –– to indicate what they want to work on. This month I was not sure about my topic. But what did show up is gratitude. Gratitude to many of my clients who show up week after week –– some for six months, some for a year. They show up with a topic, e-v-r-e-y-t-i-m-e. And even if they don't have a topic, they trust that in the coaching conversation they will always learn something new about themselves or their challenges. I am inspired by their want to grow and become their better selves - not just for themselves but also for the impact they create in building relationships with others.

Giver vs. Receiver (not a taker)

to all the Givers out there. A true story…

Funny enough when I started writing this blog post I realized that today is Giving Tuesday. So it is a good place to start and share my thoughts about Givers.

Here is an interesting learning, until not so long ago I was a pure Giver. You might have read the book The Givers, by David Callahan. I didn’t know I was a giver, until a few years ago when I read this book and realized that this is me – I am a Giver. As much as I have enjoyed being a Giver at times, I also suffered from being the victim (yes, yes… it is my pattern, and I have learned how to shorten this way of being) of the takers. I haven't noticed this trend until I was part of a special program where I realized that some people picked up the phone or met with me only when they needed some information to understand the material in the program. But after they took the piece of information they needed they disappeared and when I needed something from them? They were no way to be found. That is when I have learned that takers will take knowledge, but will never share it with others.

Givers, on the other hand, will give knowledge, time and resources to anyone in need. They don’t see knowledge as power; they don't even understand this conversation around power, mostly they will come from a place of abundance. By the way, if you are not sure if you are a giver, here is a clue for you, you will always leave a meeting with another person too late because you want to make sure they got everything needed from you.

But the thing with givers is that we Give, and we enjoy giving, but because we put people before tasks, and many times we will also over commit to too many things, one day we wake up with the victim feeling and say: “Hey! What is happening here? I give and give and give, and no one is supporting me! no one is referring business to me, no one shows a place of an open heart to me, and the people I have trusted and helped grow to his or her leadership had turned away." How come that a Giver who comes from a place of kind heart suddenly feels as if no one cares?

I believe some of you were thinking to themselves: "Hey Givers! make up your mind! Do you help others just because you want to do something out of the goodness of your heart, or do you all just a bunch of manipulators who give so you can get something in return?”

No, True Givers don’t want anything in return, they are so inclined to give that they get to the point (and it happens again and again) where they just feel as they have no resources left. A deep sense of sadness and exhaustion arises, and then stress and fear crawl to the inner giver who steps into an overwhelming state. So what they do? They shut down, close the door and roar at anyone else who is trying to steal their time. Without saying a word, they look at you as they say: “Stay away! This is MY time; it is MY MY MY time to take care of myself because no one else does! I have some work to do, do you see the “No Disturb” sign? until I am done, I am not here!”

So after years of being a pure Giver, I felt as something is missing for me to enjoy giving, and then I asked myself: “What if I will become a receiver? What if I will allow my self to choose when I want to be a pure Giver but will also open my energy to receive?” And that’s when an interesting journey started for me because after years of giving without anyone leaning my way, suddenly people just showed up and asked: “Can I help?” sometimes they didn’t even ask, they just Gave without asking if I wanted to receive. Actually, they didn’t need to ask – because I communicated it without words, I communicated it through a new energy and new way of being that now I am willing to receive, they were able to sense.

When I was looking internally, I was able to notice that for years I was stuck in a positive way of being that blocked any opportunity I had to receive. I must confess that I know what was the reason I blocked my way of being as a receiver, but I will not go there. Still, if you are a giver who wonders why? Why no one leans my way? Ask yourself if there is something within that blocks you from wanting to receive, maybe you have learned long ago that when you receive you need to pay back for receiving? Maybe you have learned that when you receive you lose your power, or it might even bring a sense of shame? Perhaps you have learned that receiving could diminish the giving? and maybe you are confusing receiving with taking? When you go deep, ask yourself what is it that you block from receiving that doesn’t allow others to help/support/promote/mentor/advocate behalf of you/for you? 

So how would it be to Give and also be a receiver?