Gratitude Practice - What does it Even Mean?

“Dear journal, I am thankful for my health. Dear journal, I am grateful for my family. Dear journal, I am thankful for the food we have. “
Okay, so maybe there is a better way to approach gratitude? 

Many times when I mention gratitude practice to my leader clients, they have the same look on their face that I used to have when someone said they practice "meditation."; It is the look of "come 'on another woo-woo thing that people who wear tie-dye shirts do?’“ 

In this article, I will clarify gratitude practice and suggest a few ways that might be helpful for you to experiment and see if it helps you boost your energy, focus, and adversity and brings a sense of joy that might be missing in your life. 

Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership. Are you ready? Let's go. 

In one of my last videos, I mentioned the negative bias. The negative bias is a tendency we focus in our day, week, and life on the things that don't work for us. For example, you had a wonderful day at work, and then around 2 pm, there was one annoying coworker comment. When you come home, and your partner asks you how your day was, all you remember from that beautiful day is that one annoying comment and respond with a grumpy face: "I had better…." That's what we call the "Negative Bias." Our ancient brain was engineered to be obsessed with our mistakes, with our failures, because the focus on the mistakes and failures made sure we learn from them; that was our way to survive our life in danger out and about. This Negative Bias mechanism kept us alive. The mechanism stayed as in many ancient brain behaviors, but the need is different. 

The good news is that we can reprogram our brains. Our brain CAN learn new ways that serve our new life needs. One of the ways to teach our ancient brain to lower its focus on the negative bias is to focus on progress, what's working, and gratitude.

• Progress – where can we see improvement?

• What's working – where we can recognize and appreciate what we do well?

• Gratitude – where we can appreciate and be grateful for what we have in our lives?

 To learn more about the Negative Bias and rewiring your brain check out my article HERE.

Multiple studies show that gratitude can boost our well-being and improve our mood. A study published in Applied Psychology in 2011 showed that people who practiced gratitude for 15 minutes before they went to sleep slept better and had fewer negative thoughts. Another study found that people who practice gratitude have fewer negative emotions like resentment and anger.

Being more aware of gratitude's impact on our lives, I have noticed a pattern. When I coached successful leaders who are more resilient and find it easier to adapt to change, I asked them what made these attributes their strengths. The answers were the same repeatedly; they were grateful for what they had had in their life. Many mentioned that expressing gratitude was something they saw in their house with their parents or grandparents or another influential leader or teacher they met in their life journey.

This supports other studies that positive and grateful people are contagious; many want to get closer to them. Many successful people practice gratitude every morning.

How do you practice gratitude?

There are many techniques, but I will share three that most of my clients appreciate and, most importantly, find easy to adapt as a habit. 

1.     Journaling

Here is how I define Journaling; Journaling is writing your thoughts and emotions in whatever fits you. There is no right or wrong way to journal; there is no specific length of writing which is good or bad. It can be one word or many pages. It can be a few times a day, every day, or every few days. It can be different from one day to another. The important thing is that you take the time to express your thoughts and emotions in writing and/or drawing/doodling and any other art that suits you. Maybe even composing what we are grateful for?

Here are two you can try.

• The Long List – take time to write down 50 things in your life every day that you are grateful for. This technique is not for every soul. But the purpose of this approach is that the more you write, the deeper you must challenge yourself to see what you have to be grateful for. The competitive, or those who like a challenge, can enjoy this practice. 

• The Shortlist (the Zen Approach) - If, like me, you prefer short and deep. You write two or three things you are grateful for every day, but you have to be specific. 
  Write a specific sentence that expresses why you are grateful for your health: I am thankful that today I could work out for 30 minutes even though my right knee hurts. Instead of writing a vague short sentence like, I am grateful for my health. Or rather than writing, I am thankful for my family, write a specific example that explains why. For example, I am grateful that my son in college called me today, even though I know he prefers to text. 

2.     Visual/Imaginative way - Scan your day and choose the best images of your past day.

 One of the best ways to reprogram your brain to focus on what's working is before you sleep. Before you go to sleep:

• Scan your day.

• Look at all the visuals in your day, somewhat like a video.

• Click the Pause Button on your remote when you identify a moment you are grateful for and be with it.

To appreciate that moment and keep scanning the video of your day, focusing on moments of gratitude, you can take a moment to enjoy and be with them fully.

3.     Praying

Praying can be a religious practice, but not only. Praying can work well for people who like to express their thoughts and emotions out loud. It can also be an excellent gratitude practice for people engaging in or reconnecting with this routine. Prayers can be poems or quotes you feel can be a perfect way to express your gratitude; they can be religious prayers or prayers from a prayer book you like; they can even be prayers you wrote yourself. Prayers can be a poetic way to feel and express how grateful you feel for what you have in your life.

If you choose to experiment with gratitude practice in one of the ways I mentioned above, or a different way, I invite you to pay attention to your day or the day after you practiced gratitude. When I try a new habit, I do my best to be consistent with this new habit, but when I miss a day rather than being upset with myself, I move into curiosity.

What do you notice about yourself when you practiced gratitude vs. the days you didn't? Did something feel different?

 Did you feel more focused? Did you feel more positive? Do you have more energy? Did you sleep better at night? If nothing changes, let it go. But if you notice a shift in the way you experience life, in your ability to deal with challenges and even experience more joy, maybe it's a new routine you can add to your life. 

Thanks for watching. If you liked this video and would like to keep going Beyond with your leadership, please follow me @noaRcoach, subscribe to my YouTube channel, and check out my Beyond Blog here www.noaronencoaching.com

­Negotiation – three Ways to Reach Mutual Agreement

When was the last time you had to prepare for an uncomfortable conversation? Can you remember how only thinking about that conversation impacted your energy levels. Whether it is uncomfortable conversations, solving a disagreement, or giving someone feedback, all these conversations have a negotiation component within.

Negotiation is a conversation where both sides need to achieve an agreement; if there is no disagreement, there is no negotiation or uncomfortable conversation. Period. Negotiation doesn’t begin until someone says no. Wouldn’t it be great if we can always have people agreeing with us?

The problem is that craving people saying yes to us and agreeing with us can get us stuck in the belief that negotiation is the act of doing our best to keep the other person from saying what they want to say: their no… This is why our mindset navigates the conversation on our hand towards hearing them saying what we want to hear – our yes. With that in mind, the way we address the exchange is from our want; for some, it will be by listening from our yes and ignoring what the other person has to say. For others, the negotiation conversation becomes a game they need to win; it is us against them, an either-or –– which can lead to a conflict. Therefore the question is not how do we handle a no response, but how do we turn the no go to let’s go!  Let’s go is when we have an alternative solution that works for both sides.

When I hear clients want to find in our session the right strategy to convince a peer that his/her idea is not good for the organization. What I observe is that their focus is on convincing the other person that they are wrong. This mindset closes the door to a conversation before we even started it. No one likes to hear that what they are saying/thinking is wrong. “What if instead of worrying about what the other person will say or why we need to be right,” I ask my clients “we can shift our focus to the idea that no one gets to be wrong and no one gets to be right?”
What if we change the focus? What would it look like if the other person and you were both together against the conflict? What would be possible then?

Let’s see the steps you can take to shifting your mindset from no go to let’s go together:

1. The concerns list.

When we think about the uncomfortable conversation we are going to have, many times, there are thoughts, concerns, and even emotions that play a crucial role in how we approach the conversation. Take a moment before you move into an action to pay attention to your being energy (your mindset and emotions) and write down all the concerns you have about the meeting. For example, concerns I hear from other clients many times:

“What if they don’t care about what I have to say?”

“What if they don’t respect my needs?”

Now let’s flip it and look at the other person. What would be the list of their concerns meeting with you? What would they write down?

Take a moment to write all their thoughts, frustrations, emotions, and beliefs.

Start with crossing over to their side. Look at the others' perspectives. Why might they have reacted to something you said or write the way they did? Why are they resisting your stance? There is undoubtedly a reason, and you’ll find that you will bring an open mindset perspective to the meeting when you take a moment to look at the world from their perspective.

2. “It is going to be hard” - What is the mindset you bring to the conversation

When thinking about the meeting, have you found yourself saying to another person or yourself before going to the meeting: “It will be hard,” or “I will need to fight to get what I want,” or “I know I will need to defend what I believe in.” Can you see how defensive and protective your view is in those moments? Without knowing what the other person will say, you look at the conversation from a heart at war. 

We choose how we step into a room, are we ready to put on the boxing gloves, or are we willing to wait and see what the other person has to say? Perhaps all you will need is to explain your perspective rather than defend it? Maybe, just maybe it is going to be easy?

3. Know your boundaries?

We need to know where the conversation starts and what intention we bring, but it is also essential to know where it ends; there are some situations where conversations will not go toward an agreement. This is why it is vital to understand what will make us say the final no and know that this is the end of the path for us or that from here our managers need to keep the conversation. Managers’ intervention doesn’t mean that you are weak, sometimes asking for help is actually the smart way to go; there are many situations that your managers need to solve organizational barriers that our peer and us cannot solve.

When we want to reach mutual agreements, both sides work together to bring as much value as they can it requires paying attention to what the other person’s wants and needs are. This is not an easy task, but slow down and ask yourself: “if I could bring compassion and curiosity to the situation what that person wants and needs are?” even if you view their reasons as irrelevant, not serious, or not realistic, understanding their challenges will once again help you stop fighting them and work together productively so both of you can benefit from the conversation and create value for the organization (or system) as a whole.

Not a fan of networking? Here are Seven Reasons why you should add Networking to your year goals.

“Have you considered Networking?” How many of you made the same face my clients or others make when I ask them this question?

 I know, I know, there are rare people, somewhat like the lions in the savannah that when I ask the Networking question answer with joy and spark in the eyes: “I love networking, bring it on!” Yes, there are a few of those, but many people do not enjoy networking.

 In this article, I would like to invite you to consider a new way of approaching networking. A new intention to how you approach networking if I can suggest.

A few weeks ago one of my clients burst into a long monologue about how much they hate networking. Hate it with passion. I get it. Believe me, I do. I didn’t like to network too and I am an extrovert…Here are the main buts I hear again and again from people and how you can overcome them.

1. “But I am an introvert…”Most people who don’t like to network feel that networking is about a shallow conversation, and if you are one of the people who define themselves or the assessment defines you as an introvert you probably will say: “But I am an introvert, I am just not good with networking.”
   If you have no idea what is all the introversion extroversion conversation let me sum it up. Introverts are the ones who get energy from being alone and take time for internal processing before they talk, while extroverts get energy from being with others and process their thoughts while talking out loud. Now, some people got this all introvert idea wrong, introverts are not shy people, many of them are leaders and speaker. I see the difference between the introverts and extroverts as energy. Extroverts get energy from being with others while extroverts give to others their energy. What it means is that if you are an introvert, it is not that you are bad at networking, you just need to take time afterward to be alone and recharge since you gave a lot of your energy to others.

2. But I don’t like the feeling of selling myself When I started my coaching business I remember telling others that there is a big distinction between selling a product or service of others you believe in and selling yourself to others. This is an experience people have when they seek a job or when they need to sell their services as the owners and soulpreneur.
   When we enter a room with this mindset and the assumption that what we need to focus on is selling ourselves we feel uncomfortable. But here is one of the most important points I have learned from people who are successful in networking.
   The people who are successful in networking don’t sell ANYTHING when they talk with you they focus on listening to you so they can bring YOU value. So focus on having a conversation and get to know the other person., get curious about them, ask them questions and if you listen well you will also be able to bring them value.

3. But if I listen and ask questions how can others know what I do or looking for?Before I answer this question, let me ask you another question (this is what coaches do very well). When you come to a networking event or a meeting with another person, and the person who you are meeting with is talking about themselves for a big portion of the meeting, how does it feel?
   When I ask these questions in a big room, I always get the same answers:

   • I feel unheard and invisible.

   • I think that they are using me to get what they want, but they don’t care about me.

   • They only care about their pitch they don’t care about people.

   In the end, we all want others to listen to our wants and needs. We want to be seen, be heard, and acknowledged. Challenge yourself to keep asking questions until you learn something interesting about them and maybe even to identify what are the points that connect the two of you. This is a good way to share your story from their needs and create a deeper connection that brings value to both sides.

4. But I am better at one-on-one meetingsExactly! I am better with one on one conversations too. And this is also your goal at networking events: to identify the people at the networking event that you would like to meet with them afterward. because from what you have learned about them you can bring value to each other and even form partnerships. And yes! at times you will choose to meet just because you felt there is more to the conversation even though you know right now nothing will get out of it more than friendship, but friends can become your best referrals in the long term. Remember, networking is a long term game, don’t play the short run.

5. But if I spend so much time with a few people how can I reach as many as possible so they can help me?In the end, no one will help you if they don’t know you. People help people they know and trust. It is rare for a stranger to help you find a job, or support your business if they don’t know you. Ask yourself how likely are you to recommend someone on your running group who you meet and chat with twice a week vs. a person you met for a quick 5 minutes’ conversation in a networking event? This is why I teach my clients to attend the same groups consistently. There are many groups you can join or volunteer with; Meet Up is a great place to find your people. If you like to workout find a workout group if you have a hobby join a group of people who share your passion. If you have the time I would suggest volunteering with an organization, there is no better way to get to know people and leaders in the organization and your community than volunteering with a committee, the board, or other projects. As I mentioned earlier, networking is a long-run game, people who know you, see you every week and feel as you invested in them will invest in you and help you when the day comes because they know you, not because they met you once. Remember when you enter a networking event it is not about being a social butterfly; leaving with the largest number of business cards or meeting the most people in the room will not give you an advantage. On the contrary, it will harm you. What will bring value is your willingness to focus on giving value to others.

6. But it is tiring for me to meet so many people.If the idea of meeting so many people in a networking event sounds daunting, exhausting, and frustrating, here is a tip I share with my clients and my audience: “There is no networking police in networking events.” Let me suggest a different approach, rather than meeting all the people in the room and having short and non-meaningful conversations, go into a room and find one or two people that you can have a deep and meaningful conversation. After you had that experience, if you feel that your energy is low, go.
   Yes, I give you permission to go.
   Remember, no one is there to report your short attendance or how many people you met.

7. But I don’t need it I work in the same company for so many years…And one day you won’t, or you will not want to work in that company anymore. Here is the deal, finding a job is first and foremost about connections, whether if it is for a new opportunity in the company you work or in another organization. If we don’t take time to invest in these relationships when the day comes we will find that opportunities go to the peers that invested their time in networking with other leaders and members in the organization and beyond. Again - people help, support, refer people they know and trust if people don’t know you and trust you inside or outside the organization they will need to refer you, or introduce you or advocate for your success. Don’t wait like many of my clients until it is too late, it is NEVER too late to network even if you work in a company; Volunteer inside your company to support an initiative of interest, volunteer as a board member in an organization of interest or a professional association, join a mastermind group or join a group that can help you work on your skills like ‘toastmasters club’ (a speaking club). There are many ways to network even when you work full time.

You can see that there are many buts, but I believe and also see from the conversations with my clients and groups that the more they work on the muscle of networking the more energy they have to network with people. The more they network with the focus in mind on bringing value to others, the more opportunities and relationships they see for themselves and beyond.

7 Reasons Why Networking Can Work for You

“Have you considered Networking?” How many of you made the same face my clients or others make when I ask them this question?

 I know, I know, there are rare people, somewhat like the lions in the savannah that when I ask the Networking question answer with joy and spark in the eyes: “I love networking, bring it on!” Yes, there are a few of those, but many people do not enjoy networking.

 In this article, I would like to invite you to consider a new way of approaching networking. A new intention to how you approach networking if I can suggest.

A few weeks ago one of my clients burst into a long monologue about how much they hate networking. Hate it with passion. I get it. Believe me, I do. I didn’t like to network too and I am an extrovert…Here are the main buts I hear again and again from people and how you can overcome them.

1. “But I am an introvert…”
   Most people who don’t like to network feel that networking is about a shallow conversation, and if you are one of the people who define themselves or the assessment defines you as an introvert you probably will say: “But I am an introvert, I am just not good with networking.”
   If you have no idea what is all the introversion extroversion conversation let me sum it up. Introverts are the ones who get energy from being alone and take time for internal processing before they talk, while extroverts get energy from being with others and process their thoughts while talking out loud. Now, some people got this all introvert idea wrong, introverts are not shy people, many of them are leaders and speaker. I see the difference between the introverts and extroverts as energy. Extroverts get energy from being with others while extroverts give to others their energy. What it means is that if you are an introvert, it is not that you are bad at networking, you just need to take time afterward to be alone and recharge since you gave a lot of your energy to others.

2. But I don’t like the feeling of selling myself
   When I started my coaching business I remember telling others that there is a big distinction between selling a product or service of others you believe in and selling yourself to others. This is an experience people have when they seek a job or when they need to sell their services as the owners and soulpreneur.
   When we enter a room with this mindset and the assumption that what we need to focus on is selling ourselves we feel uncomfortable. But here is one of the most important points I have learned from people who are successful in networking.
   The people who are successful in networking don’t sell ANYTHING when they talk with you they focus on listening to you so they can bring YOU value. So focus on having a conversation and get to know the other person., get curious about them, ask them questions and if you listen well you will also be able to bring them value.

3. But if I listen and ask questions how can others know what I do or looking for?
   Before I answer this question, let me ask you another question (this is what coaches do very well). When you come to a networking event or a meeting with another person, and the person who you are meeting with is talking about themselves for a big portion of the meeting, how does it feel?
   When I ask these questions in a big room, I always get the same answers:

   • I feel unheard and invisible.

   • I think that they are using me to get what they want, but they don’t care about me.

   • They only care about their pitch they don’t care about people.

   In the end, we all want others to listen to our wants and needs. We want to be seen, be heard, and acknowledged. Challenge yourself to keep asking questions until you learn something interesting about them and maybe even to identify what are the points that connect the two of you. This is a good way to share your story from their needs and create a deeper connection that brings value to both sides.

4. But I am better at one-on-one meetings
   Exactly! I am better with one on one conversations too. And this is also your goal at networking events: to identify the people at the networking event that you would like to meet with them afterward. because from what you have learned about them you can bring value to each other and even form partnerships. And yes! at times you will choose to meet just because you felt there is more to the conversation even though you know right now nothing will get out of it more than friendship, but friends can become your best referrals in the long term. Remember, networking is a long term game, don’t play the short run.

5. But if I spend so much time with a few people how can I reach as many as possible so they can help me?
   In the end, no one will help you if they don’t know you. People help people they know and trust. It is rare for a stranger to help you find a job, or support your business if they don’t know you. Ask yourself how likely are you to recommend someone on your running group who you meet and chat with twice a week vs. a person you met for a quick 5 minutes’ conversation in a networking event? This is why I teach my clients to attend the same groups consistently. There are many groups you can join or volunteer with; Meet Up is a great place to find your people. If you like to workout find a workout group if you have a hobby join a group of people who share your passion. If you have the time I would suggest volunteering with an organization, there is no better way to get to know people and leaders in the organization and your community than volunteering with a committee, the board, or other projects. As I mentioned earlier, networking is a long-run game, people who know you, see you every week and feel as you invested in them will invest in you and help you when the day comes because they know you, not because they met you once. Remember when you enter a networking event it is not about being a social butterfly; leaving with the largest number of business cards or meeting the most people in the room will not give you an advantage. On the contrary, it will harm you. What will bring value is your willingness to focus on giving value to others.

6. But it is tiring for me to meet so many people.
   If the idea of meeting so many people in a networking event sounds daunting, exhausting, and frustrating, here is a tip I share with my clients and my audience: “There is no networking police in networking events.” Let me suggest a different approach, rather than meeting all the people in the room and having short and non-meaningful conversations, go into a room and find one or two people that you can have a deep and meaningful conversation. After you had that experience, if you feel that your energy is low, go.
   Yes, I give you permission to go.
   Remember, no one is there to report your short attendance or how many people you met.

7. But I don’t need it I work in the same company for so many years…
   And one day you won’t, or you will not want to work in that company anymore. Here is the deal, finding a job is first and foremost about connections, whether if it is for a new opportunity in the company you work or in another organization. If we don’t take time to invest in these relationships when the day comes we will find that opportunities go to the peers that invested their time in networking with other leaders and members in the organization and beyond. Again - people help, support, refer people they know and trust if people don’t know you and trust you inside or outside the organization they will need to refer you, or introduce you or advocate for your success. Don’t wait like many of my clients until it is too late, it is NEVER too late to network even if you work in a company; Volunteer inside your company to support an initiative of interest, volunteer as a board member in an organization of interest or a professional association, join a mastermind group or join a group that can help you work on your skills like ‘toastmasters club’ (a speaking club). There are many ways to network even when you work full time.

You can see that there are many buts, but I believe and also see from the conversations with my clients and groups that the more they work on the muscle of networking the more energy they have to network with people. The more they network with the focus in mind on bringing value to others, the more opportunities and relationships they see for themselves and beyond.

On the Run - or How I Started to Vlog and Doing Social Media Videos

A few months ago I attended a business summit where one of the speakers taught us how to go live on Facebook, or as we call it: Facebook Live. At the same time, I was working on a special short keynote speech for a conference in front of a live audience. It was somewhat like a five minutes TEDx talk speech. Now I am not new to speaking in front of an audience, but I tell you, to craft a five minutes’ message on stage was one of the most challenging projects I have ever had had in a while. Beyond the message, there was another component in the room: seven video cameras that will capture my message in one shot, no retakes. Which means that the video could turn out to be a professional video that represents my speaking skills, or not. 

Back to the presenter at the Summit, one of the things that pulled my attention when the speaker was sharing his knowledge about going live on Facebook was the idea that the more you use Facebook live, the more comfortable you feel in front of a video camera. Although I started using more and more videos as part of what I do, I could still sense that I am not as comfortable as I wanted to be with video cameras. Since I wanted to get better with video skills and feel more comfortable in front of a camera, at that moment, I decided to experiment with Facebook live.

And that’s how one journey evoked another journey. To find a way to commit and be consistent with my Facebook live, I decided to connect the Facebook live with another activity – my runs. I run 2 or 3 times a week, depends on my schedule, so I decided that after each run I will do a Facebook live. I called my Facebook live: “on the run.” These Facebook live talks are casual talks; me with pink cheeks after a run, still catching up my breath, sweating and sharing a thought that came to mind while running. Beyond the practicing I felt that going live on Facebook will be an opportunity for me to walk my talk of getting messy, It wasn’t about creating the perfect well-crafted speech, it was about showing up with my raw thoughts and share them with my audience with no editing. And that’s how it all started.

Creating my intention to share my thoughts on Facebook required a new skill, from pure connection with self, I had to figure out what topic I should speak about after each run. 
Sometimes I knew right away what the topic is going to be, but sometimes no real topic came to mind and I could sense how I am trying to force the topic on me. This is how I learned that I need to manage my thoughts, sometimes what I needed was to surrender, let go of finding a topic and allow the topic to find me. I had to learn how to quiet my mind and allow my running time to be what it meant to be for me, a time to think about nothing else, to connect with nature and see endless opportunities in the blue (or cloudily) sky. 

Last week, when I went on my run, I felt that maybe I should shake things a bit and change my running route, and rather than turning left in the usual way I turned right. The moment I turned right, I smiled and told myself: Cool! Here is a topic for today’s Facebook live, I can talk about habits and how great it can be to shake things around, find a new way to do things, see how a new way can impact you and what you can learn from the experience. Perfect!” But at the same time, something unusual had happened, I had a sharp pain in both knees while running, it felt like needles pinched my nerves again and again and then it stopped. Ha! I told myself, my body doesn’t like the change, should I listen to what my body is saying to me?
I decided to keep going, but I could sense how this little change in my route felt so uncomfortable for my body; the downhill was uphill, what used to be behind me was now in front of me everything felt a bit off. But the sky was blue, and I was so excited to share my experience with my FB Live audience. I was almost home when I passed a lady who was walking with her dog. The lady and I smiled at each other, as we do in our neighborhood, I kept some space from her and the dog, but I know that Labrador-Retriever dogs are very calm and smiley dogs.  And then it happened faster than the wind, the dog jumped, I thought it was a friendly jump to say hi, but then I could feel it. I looked at the lady with pain and told her: “Your dog just bit me!” we both looked at each other with surprise. I was hurt, not because of the pain from the bite (yes it did hurt!) but you see, I love dogs, as a child, my house was filled with dogs and animals. Beyond the burning pain, and the anti-tetanus shot and antibiotics and canceling all plans with clients, I think what hurt the most was that a dog, an animal I love so much just bit me. 
For the rest of the day, I kept asking myself, what had just happened? Did the instant pinching pain in my knees was my body's way of communicating with me that I should not choose the opposite direction? Should I listen better to my body rather than going against it? What is the lesson I should learn?
But there was also another thought that brought a smile to my face: remember what I shared? I planned to share on Facebook Live how beautiful it can be to change our habits and see what we can learn from them but sometimes, just sometimes... reality bites… 

Oh! If you want to check my 5min keynote talk – you can check this link.

New update June 2020 - if you want to follow my social media vlog, on there run - connect with me on Linkedin, or follow me on Instagram.
 

Followers?

Yes, I became one of these people who read 2-3 books at the same time. Most of them are books around what I do as a coach. I am looking for inspiration, nuggets, a line that will pull my attention to dig deeper and this week was no different. The inspiration came from the word followers. I got caught in the leader-follower term that we all use now. I think before it was the word "subordinates, " and since we are moving from the top down management to leadership so now we have the word: followers. But the more I think about it; I am not sure I would like to stick with this term, followers, let me tell you why.
 I believe that my role as a leader is not to make all the decisions, but to create an environment that makes others shine. It is interesting watching myself struggle with not going into solutions when I lead (or even when I parent). As a coach, you stay away from fixing, or go into solutions for your client which is 99% very easy to me. But as a leader to allow the other side to come up with solutions, experiment with them and see where it will take us that's a work in progress. Everyone talk about what the leader needs to do to make people follow them. Leadership by its very definition presumes that there are followers to lead. And if there are followers to lead, that creates the necessity of an actual leader. Essentially, leaders exist because of followers and followers exist because of leaders (Hogg, 2001). I admit that I see it the other way around. I think that as I see it, it is about what the leaders need to stop doing, or even just do less? The less they do, the more space they create for others to shine. So if you stay with me, we move into Zen approach leadership where less is more. The less you suggest, the more others shine, the more you go to the back, or to the side, the more others want to go to the front. Even in the messiness of others, I have learned that it is what I don’t do or try to fix in them that will allow their storm to calm down and come back different when they are ready. So that made me think… if... I as a leader go more and more to the back if I focus on asking questions, if I manage myself to do less and create more space for others to move to the front, they are not followers. 
Pause for our story time. Last time I talked about one of my biggest gifts, this time I will share one of my biggest weaknesses. My orientation, my sense of direction is just horrible. Put me in the car with GPS, and I will probably get lost. Every time I am sure that I walk or drive in the right direction without a map or GPS I walk/drive to the opposite direction.
When I was in college, my friend and I attended the same class for a year. For a year, every time we left the classroom, she slowed down and let me lead the way. Every time we left the class I took the wrong turn, then I would look at her and realized that she was giggling. After a semester she stopped and said: “Noa, I can’t believe, we come here every week, and every time we leave the classroom you head in the wrong direction”. 
Yes, luckily my husband and my two boys have an incredible sense of direction, and I follow their lead, which takes me back to the word: followers. When I walk with my husband in a new city I don’t even try, I trust that he will take me to the right place, but in that trust, I let go of curiosity or learning, I move the responsibility to him. You see, as a follower, I don’t need responsibility, it is my husband's job to make sure we get to the right place. Now, in the next day, if I will need to walk on the same route that my husband and I walked the day before, I will have no memory of the path, I will need to start from scratch with a map as I have never been there before.
So you see, my concern when we use the word followers is that as leaders we want our team, our employees, our client or members to be engaged, to be responsible – but we come from an intention/mindset of seeing them as followers. How can they take on responsibility??? by the way as a leader do you want everyone to follow you?

“Hey! I need your help” I texted my husband who was sitting in an Irish Pub at the other side of the world “do you have a different word for 'follower?'” 
Yes, that’s another problem I have, I start from my end thought and forget about all the intro. So I began my text message again, now with a full intro, or at least as much as I can write when my create brain wants an answer right here right now. I waited to see what words he will share. 
I know as a leader and as a coach that I can’t allow myself to use the mindset of wanting others to follow me or invite others to create a culture of followers. 
So I came up with the term: WALKERS.
When we walk, we can walk side by side and have a real conversation, but sometimes when the path is too narrow, you can walk before me, or choose to slow down and allow me to lead. It doesn’t matter unless we are hiking in North Carolina during spring, or summer or early fall and then I will probably ask you to go in front just in case we bump into a snake, but that's a topic for another post.

By the way, my husband came up with the word: “Devotee.”
What would be your word?