Five Shorts - September - Lean Back

Five Shorts - September - Lean Back

Short 1 - Lean Back
Sheryl Sandberg invites us to lean in; my message in the last few months is actually to lean back. Leaning back is your choice to take a moment to reflect or slow down so you can check if you need to do something differently. Leaning back is an intentional choice to not act as you always do. Leaning back is a choice to slow down the autopilot, the tendency and choose a different action or reaction. Leaning back is your ability to create space between you and the situation; you might get too attached or too invested. It can be time to change your mindset and actions. So Lean Back.
 

Short 2 - Mute

Part of leaning back is listening. It is the ability to avoid fixing and being the one talking all the time. It is the ability to listen more to what is BEyond. It is your ability to listen to their ideas without waiting for your idea to show up in their words. It is your ability to listen to what the other person knows when they say: "I don't know."
It won't happen if your focus is on what you want to say. If you allowed yourself to be muted for another moment, you might realize that that person does know the answer.
Possibility - take advantage of today's remote work reality and mute yourself. Dare yourself to share with your team or peers that you mute yourself intentionally. If you take too much screen time and you want to get better at the skill of listening, mute yourself. Mute yourself to move from an autopilot action to intentional choice.
This little action, clicking to mute/unmute - will slow you down. What you really do is ask yourself: is it about me or about listening to them?

Short 3 - Saxophone 

My youngest joined the school band. Yes! I encouraged him to join the band; I know he will thrive playing music with others. What I didn't anticipate was that he will choose the Saxophone Alto as his instrument.
Let me tell you, it is a loud instrument. It is not easy to have a child who plays the band through a virtual school these days. In the first few days, I gave heads up to my clients: "if you hear a dying elephant in the background, don't worry, it is my youngest playing the sax." Then when it started, we laughed together. It is not easy to have a child in the band through the virtual school, but it is not easy for my son or band teacher to do this virtually. But we all work toward a shared goal to figure it out. Most importantly, it brought the sound of music and a good laugh to our house. Who doesn't need a good laugh these days? 
 

Short 4 - Trees 
Twenty-five hours of listening to an audiobook about trees. It is a novel that reminds us that trees are smarter and connected to each other than we think. Still, can I admit that I felt disconnected from the story of the "Overstory" novel? When I write these words, I ponder maybe this was the author's intention to reflect through this book how much the humans in this long novel are disconnected from each other?  It was not easy listening, to this book, but it did influence me to take the time and share my insights from this book with you and others. It created a conversation about the importance of trees in our world. As the story says: they were much long before us and much longer after we leave. They have time...
 

Short 5 - Connection 
Connection – last week, for the first time since the pandemic started, I met with a friend for coffee. We met outside a coffee shop. Many coffee shops and restaurants now have a space to sit outside; it is smart, and I believe that most of us should be outside as much as possible.  It felt as I have forgotten how to meet with another person outside my core family. We both needed a moment to figure it out. I could sense my own clumsiness, but we are adaptable creatures (just like trees.) Sitting with another person, seeing their smile, body language, and even sitting quietly for a moment. It felt good.
 
This weekend we celebrate the New Jewish Year. I would like to take a moment and wish us all a year of much health, joy, and connection.   

Why the BEing energy is a Force that can Influence Others to Embrace Change / Featured Article on Leadercast Website

I was honored to be featured at the Leadercast Website as part of their July 2020 topic: Influence.

Leadercast gives you access to hundreds of short videos from CEOs, researchers, peers and experts for insights and solutions to conquer any leadership challenge that comes your way.

Check my article here, or read it below.

Successful organizations have leaders who can quickly adapt to change. Yet there’s no manual on how to effectively influence employees to drive actions toward desired change. 

Ever since we were kids, we were told that our actions made us good: “Be a good boy and clean up your room,” or “Be a good girl and do your homework before dinner.” As adults, we often see that the ones who are being promoted or recognized in our organizations are the ones who get things done, and we strive to do the same.

The problem is that there are some areas, like leadership, where actions are not enough. Acting without any awareness of who we are as leaders will not lead to the desired outcome.

For example, when you look at athletes during a game or contest—when the crowd is cheering for the other team and heckling them, or when they miss a shot and have to keep going, or when the final point of the game is all up to them—the one who wins is the one who can manage their Being energy while continuing with their actions. This is why I consider Being energy as a force because it can slow us down or help us thrive. When we want to influence others to join our ideas, what we really want to do is move others toward a desired change. The problem with change is that the bigger it is, the more emotions, thoughts, and concerns we have, which means that Being energy is taking up more space and slowing down our actions. One of my clients who led a large organizational change forgot that it took her a while to process her emotions and thoughts before the change was announced to employees. When she met with her new team, she forgot that these employees hadn’t had the time to process their thoughts and emotions like she did when she found out. And when she pushed the conversation toward action, she was met with sarcasm and no results. “They were so rude to me,” she shared with me after the meeting. I responded, “Remember a few months ago when you needed time to process your emotions and concerns surrounding the change? Have you paid attention to their Being energy?” In the next meeting, rather than rushing them to action, she said, “I understand there are some concerns with the new reality. How about we put the plan aside and have a conversation about how we feel and our concerns. I will start.” Being the first to share, her team opened up and shared their thoughts, too. Quickly after that, they were able to move into action without feeling rushed and trust was established in the process. Here are a few pointers that can help you influence people while addressing the Being force:

Clarity. Why is this change important? Does your team have clarity and understanding of why this change is needed? Don’t be surprised if people don’t have the desire to follow you in the change right away. Go back and do the work with a mentor or a coach to get clarity about your why, values and vision, and provide clarity to your team.

Rushing to action. When you sense resistance to change internally or externally, it is time to lean back and realize that your focus is on the Doing energy. Instead, dare to address the Being energy in the room and/or within. When you direct your energy to the Being force within or with others, you move to what I call BEyond leadership. Not only will you be able to influence and lead change again and again, but you will be able to open up and feel the momentum. You will see beyond yourself, beyond your values, and beyond your vision to now engage others in your leadership and help them grow into their best selves.

August - Four and a Half Birthday Shorts

Four and a Half Birthday Shorts
I celebrated my 45 birthday last week I decided that August shorts will be only four and a half. One short for each decade in my life.

Short 1 - My Younger Self
We all have inside us a part of our younger self. I protected her for many years, I was afraid that if I let her go she will not be safe. She was locked, by my mature self who protected her. I had to set her free. It didn’t make sense when I learned that one of my core values is freedom. She became my captain, she stands with her arms open as wide as possible, embracing what’s next. She taught me with a huge smile of freedom on her face to make courageous choices so I can walk my talk free of my own limitations and then she left, she said I can do it on my own.
Who is your younger self?
What role the younger self has in your life? I had to change her role and set her free and she set me free.
 

Short 2 - 24

When I got pregnant with my first son, something weird happened, the nurse asked me how old I am and I couldn't remember. I looked at my husband and he answered  - 27. After that day no matter who asked me for my age my answer was: 24. The little seed in my womb who became my analytical son couldn’t understand how can I keep answering the same age for so many years? it just didn't make any sense to him. With his outstanding mathematical skills, he tried to bring sense, to convince me that staying 24 for so many years is not possible, but even he had to give up to my own sense and perseverance.
Yet, on my 40th birthday, something shifted. I decided to embrace my age in a triable manner through a drum circle with my tribe. I transitioned from 24 to 40 and was ready to say goodbye as quick as possible to my thirties.
Going through a transition in your life? Don’t ignore it and move on quickly.
Our western world is urging us to skip important life moments too quickly. Take a moment to create the space to say hello and goodbye (or goodbye and then hello  - depends on the transition) to people and/or events in your life and you will find that it is easier than ignoring them and feeling no joy.
 
 Short 3 - Seven Bad Years 

I had seven bad years. They were not dark but challenging, not sad or bad, but there was also not too much joy, they were mostly a phase where I couldn’t feel happy. My focus in those seven years was on how can I have what I don’t have rather than acknowledging what I do have. I was distracted.
One of the things that pulled me out of this state –– without even knowing –– was my ability to stop focusing on myself and start giving to others as a volunteer in my community and just being kind. Smiling to a distracted person at the supermarket or letting a rushing one go before me in the supermarket line, I can wait. I was intentional to shift my focus.
A Keeper – a Dali Lama Quote about Happiness:
“Our ultimate aim in seeking more is a sense of satisfaction, of happiness.  But the very basis of seeking more is a feeling of not having enough, a feeling of discontentment.  That feeling of discontentment, of wanting more and more and more, doesn’t arise from the inherent desirability of the objects we are seeking but rather from our own mental state.” ~ Dalai Lama
 

Short 4 - Control

I wanted to control my daughter’s health until she asked me to surrender. She asked me to let her figure out her path. She is almost sixteen and she is wiser than my adult self.  That was the beginning of a spiritual path that my daughter opened up the door for me to explore.
I had to learn how to not control what is not for me to control.
Praying
Every morning I start my day re-learning hope and saying thank you to what I do have in my life.
 

Short 4.5 - It is NOT the end line you need to focus on
“What was your success for this week?” this is the question Steven David Eliot, who is the founder of Rockstar Connect and the moderator of the weekly Rockstar Connect online events asks us, the panelists. The more I attended this panel as one of the panelists who answer this question, the more I find myself going to the simple moments with my family during this quarantine. For example, when my teenage daughter asked me to be my intern this Summer – if you live in the teenage world you know that kids this age don’t want to spend too much time with their parents. I truly enjoy our brainstorming conversations and her help with the executive coaching articles we added to my website this Summer.
My youngest son, Idan, started running with me and he was excited to co- vlog we call it: “On the Run with Idan.” Idan is a real inspiration, in one of our videos he explains what he meant when he said on one of our first runs: “Mom don't focus on the end line what’s important is the starting line.” What? I could not stop pondering about this sentence for the whole run - check out what Idan had to say about this topic - click here.  Please follow us and share – Only on LinkedIn.
What was your success for this week?
 

Five Summer Shorts

Five Shorts for Summer Days
Short 1 - Step out the Zoom-Box
 
So, the Summer officially started, and my question to you is, how are you holding there? It seems that the Year 2020 decided to do everything to keep us on our toes one way or another. So here is what I am thinking about: how can I help my clients who feel tired from back to back Zoom call to feel as they are not burning out?
Here are a few ways I hope will  help you work outside the Zoom box:

1. Phone call – quite revolutionary!! just let go of the screen and call the person you need to speak with through the phone.

2. Walk and Talk – is it hard finding the time to walk? Move one of your meetings for a walk and talk. I have clients that I will urge them to call me and go on a walk while we are having a session. I also have friends that, since the lockdown, we can’t meet for a face to face walk and talk, but we can defiantly both walk while being on the phone.

3. Team huddle? Send your people outdoors and do an outdoor team huddle.

4.  Take the computer and sit outdoors - I know, we all have the neighbor who will mow the lawn, or use the leaf blower the moment you sit outside. But take an hour or two to sit outdoors and change your experience.

5. Six feet driveway meeting – this is real, and it happens, some of my executive clients do this responsibly. If you have a peer who lives close by and a private house, invite them to your driveway, two lawn chairs, and six feet apart and have a conversation.

If you have more suggestions to get out of the Zoom box, please feel free to share. I promise to add them to my post with your name, or if you see this article on my social media feed, add it in the comments – let’s do our best to meet outside the Zoom box.
 

Short 2 - Puzzles

How many puzzles did you do since the lockdown started? I did quite a few, each of 500 to 1000 pieces. With a new membership to audible, I found my trick to disconnect from binge-watching and overusing screens.
 
My little secret of forming a habit is connecting the new wanted action with another action, for example, running and vlogging. So when the lockdown started, I wanted to read more and be less time on screens. I realized that the emotional state pulled me quickly toward the screens obsessing about social media videos that were distracting and with no value. I hated every second of it, and what I really wanted to do was to read.
Here is what I did. Each day with earbuds and a glass of wine, I stepped after dinner to the large formal dining room and started working on my puzzle while listening to a book.
It was a real win: puzzle time, no screen, and listening to many books or podcasts.
 

Short 3 - On the Run / Younger Version 

Forming a habit round two.
I can’t run. Since the lockdown, I don’t feel the motivation to run. I work out every day, I walk, but I can’t run. I love running. So reached out to my youngest son and asked him if he would like to help me go back to running and train for a 5K since it was something he wanted to learn. He was excited to support me. I was excited to help him overcome some mental blocks. You see, my youngest loves to start new projects, but when he meets an obstacle, he retreats. I wanted to help him work on this mental block through running. Running helped me overcome my mental blocks: excuses. Yep! I was the master of excuses until I learned to run.
We started with the coach to 5K approach; you walk one or two blocks, you run one or two blocks, you walk, you run, and so on. But every time, there was the same spot close to the end of the run where he would give up.
Every time I tried to stay calm, each time I asked myself: “should I keep running to the next block or stop with him?”
What would a good leader do?
What would be the best learning for my son: showing up that I don’t give up or that I am kind and compassionate to his struggle. I have to say that I was not sure what should be my next step, so I reached out to my awesome LinkedIn community, and they had great suggestions and insights (as always)
Check my video and comments here.
 

Short 4 - Pivoting
My goal this year was to publish my book and speak at conferences, but then with the COVID19 the email-cancelations started coming. So I pivoted.
I pivot fast and reached out to podcast hosts, who referred me to other podcast hosts - and that’s when my journey as a podcast guest started, and you know what? I LOVE IT.
I met with cool people around the US and around the world for an open-hearted conversation about a topic they and I care for. It is not about selling; it is about value. It is not about income; it is about meaningful conversations and human connections. Most of the podcast-hosts are using this platform as a way to inspire their tribe to become better at what they do or want to be.
Inspiring.
Click here to check my podcasts interviews - more to come.
 

Short 5 - You Have a Choice
Back to puzzles. When it started, all I could think is why am I here and not out there? I was listening to the book “The Choice” by Dr. Edith Eger she survived the holocaust, she walked with Martin Luther King, she is still alive and dancing. I listened to her story and thought, there were not enough voices saying then that it was not okay! it is my responsibility to go out and end white silence. Silence is our worst enemy. Black Lives Matter. Educate yourself (click here for a reading list) and then walk your talk. How? Check this post, better than 100 more words I will write.

The COVID-19 New Reality Guide #4 When Things Will Go Back to Normal…(?)

“I just can’t keep going with this constant change; I can’t wait for things to go back to normal. I feel overwhelmed with taking care of little kids and the changing strategy at work, I wouldn’t say I like change, I like stability. Until I felt like I am catching up with things, every day, I wake up to my manager, letting me know we pivot again. I am just tired and can’t wait for things going back to normal.”

Oh! Change.

Part of my career experience was to take organizations through change. When everyone was feeling as the ground underneath their feet was shaking, I was there excited to take them to the other side of the road, not back to normal.

But there is the Noa who loves helping people and organization go through change; she thrives when she leads teams through change. This Noa feels focused, grounded, strategic, and agile. I know how to work and pivot fast, and it is actually pure fun for me. Indeed, many of my clients thrive right now, and I can even use the word fun regarding how they feel with how they show up in this constant environment. They are sharp, fast, and people trust them and follow them.

Yet, in my personal life it feels as in the last 15 years my life pivot constantly, I can admit and say that every time I thought I could control my life and I will not need to slow down any more for family reasons and at last, can move into full steam with my business, something showed up. First, we had to relocate again, and then I had to establish my coaching business in a new state. Then my husband had to travel more for work, which impacted my schedule, and last we had family issues that required my attention. With the last health issue, my relationship with “When – Then” stopped. What I mean by when-then is that you create in your head a belief that when things are different, then you can achieve what you want. This is a common belief we have with achieving goals, we believe that when we reach a specific goal, we will feel happy, but when we meet the goal – it is doesn’t fill as happy or fulfilling as we expected.

The family health situation was the universe's cruel way of teaching me that life will never fit my needs. Period. Holding on this self-limiting belief was a waste of time, and mostly not being able to achieve what I wanted the way I wanted to make me beyond frustrated. Yep, as I always say, I take my time to learn what the universe is trying to teach me. Still, from the other side of the learning curve, my learning was there would never be a “perfectly normal” things might improve or look different, but I can't recall a time in my life they went back to the same normal - and what is even that normal anyway?  

So if like my when-then clients (and the “waiting-Noa), you scan your life in this COVID-19 reality and tell yourself, or others: “when things will go back to normal, then I will feel different,” here are a few things I want to share with you from my learning and the work with my clients during this reality: 

Waiting will not serve you

 When you tell yourself and others that when things go back to normal, then everything will be fine - what you are doing is expanding the time of feeling frustration and self petty. You extend the waiting.

Anxiety loves waiting

But wait! Isn’t waiting is choosing to be patient? Waiting is actually about not making any decision, and with that, you feel as you are stuck and not move into any action. We humans like having a sense of purpose and feeling stuck can be very frustrating. 

Why planning works?

 Here is the deal, when we wait, w take on no action, which keeps us in the not knowing. Anxiety and other overwhelming emotions live very well when you have no plan. With no plan, they take over your show of the worry and self-judgment: "what will happen?" "when things will go back to normal?" "why can I be flexible like others?". Making a decision not to wait and designing a plan of how your feelings, thoughts, and actions can look like right now in this reality without losing it is stop waiting. It can be a short term plan - how am I feeling better tomorrow or this week, it doesn't need to be for the next month; anyway we don't know how things will look like in a month. But here is then thing, choosing to stop waiting and moving into a plan makes you feel empowered when you feel empowered, you feel resourceful again, and creativity shows up, and with that, you will stop feeling stuck.

What is even normal? 

Stories - we tend to feel and think that everything before was much better than how things are right now. But with so many variables, no one knows how life is going to look like when lock-down ends. I am not saying it can’t happen, but have you considered the possibility that things will never go back to the old normal? Have you considered that even the word normal is kind of 'off' right now? 

So how can you move from waiting to designing a short term or longer plan to support how you feel, think, and act right now so you can lower worry, frustration, and even anxiety levels and feel more empowered, creative and seeing results?

The Guide For The New Reality #3 - When Work/Life Balance Has No Boundaries

"What is your biggest gap right now?" I asked an executive client, "I have no balance in my life," she answered. I have to say that this is one of the biggest challenges I hear when I coach right now, executive and business clients. If I can be very honest, I feel that I am struggling with this gap too.

So what exactly is the work/life balance many of us experiencing in this new reality of COVID-19? It is the want to have clear boundaries between our work time and personal time; when work time ends and the other part of the day starts.

I was wondering why after working from home for almost ten years, I find myself struggling again with setting clear boundaries around my work/life day like many who transitioned to work remotely right now? What changed? How is it even possible?

Here is what came into mind:

When we work from an office, there is, mostly, an action or a choice we make that communicates to us unconsciously: one part of the day is over, and a second part is about to start. It can be taking the train back home, and knowing that you are transitioning from work life to personal life, it can be your two hours commute back home. It can also be going to the gym at your company's building and changing your clothes, and it can be planning a date night or meeting with a friend for a drink after work. No matter what actions or choices you take, they are letting you know that your workday has ended, and another part of the day will start soon. For me, the line that splits between my work time and my personal life was the action of picking up my youngest son from school on the days I didn't have child care. Picking up my son from school was a hard stop and the beginning of after school activities and dinner. 

But what do you do when your workday starts at home and ends at home? What do you do when you don't need to get up to buy lunch, or drive home or pick up your child from school? What do you do when you work with different time zones around the world, and the emergency calls keep coming and coming since the people on the other side of the line know you don't go anywhere? How do you stop?

So before I make a few suggestions that can also support you every time you feel that it is hard for you to close this gap, I want to share why we find it hard to solve this problem. You see, I believe that our problem of wanting to set boundaries between work and life is not the problem; the problem is that we are stuck with a solution. I see this "problem" many times, clients who stuck with a solution that keeps the gap stagnant, and they can't move into solving a problem.

We believe that there is one solution to solving this problem, but what worked before the quarantine probably will not work for us now. The same actions we took before might not bring us to closing the gap.

Here are a few ways you can approach this problem differently and setting boundaries with your work and life:

1. Set a few hard stops that work with your schedule. it might be that working 9-5 is not possible anymore, so let's set hard stops in your day that matches your current situation and are realistic. When you set time you are off your desk make sure to plan it the night before or even the week before if possible. Have your time off in your calendar.

2. If you have young children that need your attention with homeschooling or getting out some steam, coordinate with your partner when would be the best time for each one of you to take time off. It might be different every day or the same. If you are part of your team, try to coordinate that you take time off in different hours that each one of you is available to give answers and cover for the absent one.

3. But how do you stop? From doing much research about working with distractions, one of the tips my clients find helpful and like is to set an alarm clock on your phone (or old school alarm clock) and put it as far as possible from your desk. It must be a walking distance, which will make you get up and leave your desk and even your office and surrender to the sound of stop. 

4. Take a half-day off or even a full day off once a week or ten days. For some of us, setting daily boundaries is not going to work right now, or ever - and that's okay. We are different people, and we work and behave differently. So if you work long days and that's your pace - it is okay, but make sure to set time in your calendar that once a week, you will stay away from your desk completely and recover.

5. Take your stop first thing in the morning and then start your working day. Wake up as far as possible from your computer and phone, start your day early and quietly with coffee, workout, journaling, and even reading and only then dive to your work. 

As you can see, there are many options to create your boundaries, we are different people with different needs, and in times of change, we need to accept with or without ease that what worked before might not work for us in the new reality. I think the biggest learning the COVID-19 is teaching us is that every time we think we figure things out they change and we need to keep adjusting. It might be that humans became too arrogant and there is a lesson for us to learn –– so please remember that even if one of the solutions works for you today and even tomorrow, it might now work next week. We still don’t know the end of this story, but what you can do is look every day and say: is my focus is on the problem of being stuck on one solution? If you are stuck with one solution it might time to step back and ask yourself and maybe ask help from another person - what other solutions available to possible to approach my problem?