Ever since we were little kids we were taught to be good through our actions, we all heard the adults saying: “Be a good boy and clean up your room,” or “Be a good girl and share your toys.” So we learned the formula that our actions are what is expected of us and what makes us be seen and rewarded, so we act. But there are areas in life, like leadership, where actions aren’t enough. In fact, adopting the approach of jumping as fast as we can to fix problems will hold us back.
Why? You see, our autopilot tendency is geared toward doing what we know, fixing problems. Fixing problems distract our focus from intentional strategic thinking that requires slowing down, to reactive tactical solutions.
What is the difference between tactical and strategic thinking?
The definition of the word tactic is to plan, focus on tasks, or procedures that can be carried out; it may be part of a larger strategy. On the other hand, strategic thinking is a larger overall plan that can comprise several tactics. Essentially, tactics are the nitty-gritty details, while strategy is about the big picture. Tactics are an extreme close-up of what is happening right now or very soon; the twig and sticks of the bird’s nest. Whereas strategic thinking is an expensive view, you can take a step back or beyond to spend time thinking about how the future should look like; like the bird meta-view when it flies above us. When we work as leaders, instead of simply looking at the current situation and reacting to what is happening in the right here right now, we need to expand our vision and be intentional. Instead of initial, reactive responses, we need to think our actions through in order for them to be meaningful and influence in the long term with impact and sustainable results.
How? lean back and slow down so we can listen.
In one of the first sessions with a new client, she asked me to help her “design a plan to convince the IT team manager that her solution for the marketing process is the right way to go.” Notice the words: my solution, and the right way to go. Instead of working to solve the problem her right way, I invited my client to go back and listen. Listening can be hard when we have a solution. We want to fix, get over and move to the next item on the to-do list. When we believe that our way is the best way, we lose the ability to be open and see what others in the room have to say.
Here are a few steps you can take to practice slowing down, leaning back and listening first so you can move toward an intentional way of being and doing:
1. Lean Back
When I’m cooking with my son, my impatient doer wants to take over and get things done. He will ask me how much oil to put in the pan and all I can think about is the mess that will be if the oil will spill on the floor. Let’s face it, doing it myself is faster and definitely cleaner - for now. It is tempting to want to take the bottle and keep things clean and let go of the stress the internal control freak I am sensing within. But this is my focus on the now. Yes, it was messy internally and on the stove, but giving him space allowed him to learn new skills. It wasn’t easy to remove myself and push her, the control freak within, as far as possible from the stove area and the pan. I had to find within the ability to overcome my tendencies and let him handle things slowly, and even fail. Not only can he cook by himself and save me the cooking time and cleaning time, but he also has enough confidence to come up with creative recipes of his own that I never would have thought of. Let your tendencies and autopilot lean back and lean in by taking time to listen.
2. Listening without misleading toward your solutions
One of the best ways of leaning back while focusing on listening is by asking questions. Questions that focus on being curious about the wants, needs, and ideas of others can remove us from listening to ourselves to listening to others. The problem is that most of the time when we shift to listening and asking questions, the voice inside us that wants others to follow our solutions and show others that we are right. This is when the questions we ask lack curiosity, filled with judgment, and focus on leading to the right solution we have in mind. What can you do?
Stop using leading questions - leading questions, or as we probably should refer to them - misleading questions, are questions we ask to lead people toward our solutions, or toward our want for others to see that we are right. Questions like: “why do you think your idea is practical?” makes me question your question, what you are actually saying without saying is: “show me why your idea is good because, from my worldview, I believe that my idea is better than yours.” Another leading question is a question that has the solution within: “How can you stay away from using the report you suggested?” or “Do you know that by using this report you can do X, Y, and Z?”
Why vs What questions - One of the best ways of asking exploratory questions is by staying in curiosity. There are two main ways to stay in curiosity, the simplest but not the easiest one is to ask “What” questions instead of “why” or “how” questions. “Why” questions communicate without words to others that we believe our solution is better when you ask why questions, it is as if you’re saying: “I already know the right answer, and it is your turn to explain to/show me why you are not wrong.” What questions, on the other hand, come from a place of curiosity and exploration. “What are your thoughts on this idea?” “What are your ideas for solving this problem?” “What task would you be most comfortable executing?” or as simple as: “I am curious, what….?”
Pay attention next time you ask questions; when you ask WHY questions do you see people defending their idea or feel frustrated with you? When you ask WHAT questions do you see people taking a short pause, and even look surprised? Is there openness and willingness to explore together?
3. Lean Back Again
Each time you want to go faster and lean toward a solution ask another ‘What’ question. Challenge yourself to keep asking “what” questions again and again and again. Stretch yourself to explore as many perspectives, possibilities, and ideas.
4. Check the Energy in the Room
The leaders who know it all, who have all the solutions, focus on educating, explaining, and solving problems. If you have a tendency to teach and educate your team you might notice that when you take over the conversation the people in the room are less engaged, and go inwards. On the other hand, when you focus on asking questions, explore, invite people to find solutions to gaps you or your team identified -people are more engaged, they come up with solutions (maybe not your favorite ones, but when others come with solutions they also take ownership of leading the process.
Pay attention: How comfortable your team or peers are when you stretch yourself to be in curiosity? How engaged are they in the conversation? Do you suck the energy from the room, or does it feel specious? Are people stiff and holding back, or are they talking casually like they would to equals? Do they want to keep the conversation because they feel heard and seen, or are they defending and reacting and even triggered? If you sense that the energy is low, you have a choice: you can keep sucking the energy and explain and educate, or you can shift and let them find the answers. People are resourceful and can reach out to you when they need your help.
Leaning back, listening, asking questions, leaning back, even more, asking more questions, and listening while being present with others’ solutions allow others to feel empowered, resourceful, and engaged. Not only others will take ownership of the solutions they find, but it will also open up space and time for you to focus on planning and being intentional for the long term solutions while others focus on the tactical approach.