Many times when I speak with leaders I sense that the higher they climb the leadership ladder the lonelier they might feel.
Isolation, I remember the first time I heard that word related to my life context. Few years after our relocation, someone I met told me that I probably have a deep sense of isolation. Leaving our family, friends, and career behind was a very isolating experience for me. Until that person used the word ‘isolation’, I knew there was something, but I couldn’t point my fingers on, but that person nailed it. They were able to express the word I couldn’t find to explain what I had felt for so long. Isolation is one of the deepest experiences you have after relocation, not only you feel alone and isolated, but you tend to isolate yourself. Not because you plan to do so, it is just a natural way to be when you have the feeling that every time you leave your house you feel different than the rest around you.
The second time I chose to use the word isolation was during my last leadership role. You see, there is that unique paradox in leadership. Leaders lead, and when they lead others they need to connect with them, they need to communicate their passion and vision so people will choose to follow them. When you enjoy leading processes and people this is an exciting experience, but mostly you can not escape the challenge and sometimes the challenge becomes a drama. I could sense in some moments how I escalate when I stepped into the path of a challenge with another person, or a difficult situation. I can even sense how I want to dive into the drama. But with experience, you learn how to manage yourself and see what are your options in the situation. But here is the thing, many times when you are there, in the challenge, you are there all alone. Sometimes your friends are part of the organization and you choose not to gossip about the situation, and again, the higher you go the harder it becomes to share your challenges. With some leaders sharing their challenge might look like they share their weakness, a path they are not willing to take. So what’s left? a mentor or a coach can help you go through the experiences and learn what you can do better, or help you make a new choice, make a different decision, or show up differently. These are one, or two hours in a timeline of many constant struggles, where the leader feels alone. This is when the sense of isolation showed up again, but this time I knew I needed to support myself, especially as an extrovert persona who needs to talk through her challenges with others.
Here are a few simple ways to overcome isolations that worked for me:
Accountability Partner - accountability partner is someone who helps you to achieve your goals. Like any relationship, you need to find the person who will be committed to the process. My accountability and I meet once a week to discuss our weekly goals and beyond. When a challenge or opportunity meets us along the way this is our safe space to consult with each other, brainstorm ideas, and help each other become our better selves. I heard about other ways to work with an accountability partner, for example you both meet remotely or face to face to work on a specific task, you share what task you are going to accomplish in the next hour and an hour later you share your accomplishments. As in any relationship you need to discuss with your accountability partner how this partnership is going to look like, and what you both need to stay committed and accountable to the process. It is not an easy process to find the right person, but when you do it can help you feel supported and accomplished.
Mastermind Group - There are many definitions or ways of setting a mastermind group. I see it as an opportunity for a group of people to share perspectives, encourage each other, and help each other to grow. I wanted to have conversations with a diverse group of leaders and business owners from different business areas and different perspectives. The main thing that connects us all is our want to be challenged by others, willingness for a new perspective, and a deep want to grow as people. It is amazing to see the changes that each one of us went through since we started this group, and this is one of my favorite meetings each month. There is something compelling about knowing that others have challenges as you, and it is inspiring to listen to their vision, creations, and willingness to share. Everyone finds value in these conversations and most important a new perspective of how they saw their open personal or work situation. The most exciting thing was to see how everyone is leaving the room with a boost of energy, no matter how they stepped into the roo.
This is when a new idea started percolating. What if I could engage the structure I have created in different Masterminds groups and we could meet outside? There is nothing better than facing your challenge in nature with other bright minds around. Today I lead a few Mastermind Groups a year for Social Business Leaders and to Executives. All Confidential and in each one it is so exciting to see how much the group members become the cheerleaders, supporters, and some even become good friends.
I believe with all my heart that the more leaders connect with each other rather than isolating themselves the more impact and influence they could create in our community and beyond.
My question to you is what is the next step you can take to feel less alone and more connected to others in a way that feels meaningful and with value?