What I Was Thinking About?
Comparison
I am amazed again and again, that on the same week different clients choose to discuss the same topic. Suddenly they all procrastinate, or all struggling with introversion, how is that? I don’t know, but I do enjoy that the exploration with each one of them takes a different direction in the conversation that inspires and even triggers new learnings for me.
In the last two weeks, the shared topic was postponing work to the last minute. You see, we all have patterns of how we DO things, but rather than working with our ways of doing things we compare ourselves to others. Comparison can be a killer; still, it is part of what our brain does. Our brain is a comparison engine. In every new situation, it automatically screens through our memory and finds one or a few situations we encountered in the past and is similar to the current scenario, then uses that information to figure out what to do next. Most of the time, you do this without you even realizing it. This cognitive reflex can work to your advantage, and sometimes it doesn’t. But since it’s happening anyway, you might as well make it work for you more often than against you–at least as best you can.
There are two ways that comparison will not help you, when you compare yourself to others and when you compare yourself to yourself.
Comparison with self; When we moved to the US, every choice I made was compared to the Noa I was before the move. But my situation was not relevant, and I had to create some space for flexibility and new choices that I was not willing to do. Moreover, when I did achieve success points, I chose to ignore them - they were not enough.
Comparison to others; When one of the executives I worked with shared that he always wait for the last minute to do his job I checked with him – when you wait for the last minute and do your share, do you create a low or high product? Many people who wait for the last minute are too stressed out to create a good product, and everything falls apart. For others, like the executive, I mentioned, creating their part in the last minute actually generates an end product that is beyond exquisite. the stress serves as a generator of creative solutions.
We forget that we work differently, and we judge ourselves by what we believe everyone else does.
A new way to approach comparison is by asking yourself: what is your way? if stress and last-minute work bring great results so why do you go against it? One tip for people who push in the last minute, take the time in between to recover; people who provide a superb product at last minute don’t take into consideration that they might sleep less, eat less and work more, so take a moment before or after to recover. Your cycles of how you work are just different than others.
When can comparison serve you? When you see someone that does things better than you and you think, “I aspire myself to be like this person,” take them as a point of inspiration, not frustration. If it is not the case, stop comparing, and define you.
When you choose to let go
“Let go” I am not a fan of this phrase, especially when others use it because they think they are trying to help you. Not only they don’t, but they might also do the opposite and create for the one who needs support or listening ear frustration and self-judgment: “why can’t I let go?” they ask themselves.
However, there are moments when we look at the mirror and tell ourselves “let go.” That was my Summer. I decided to let go. Let go of being the perfect Summer mom. Let go of writing. And let go of goals. I needed a break. Last week on the first day of school, I dropped off my teenage boy and girl at their high school, my tears of “how they grew” were replaced with their tears “we can’t believe we have to go back to school.” Last tear of joy on my side when they closed the car door and I was able to head to my early morning run while the cool early morning wind was telling me: “ready for Fall?.” At the same moment, as happens many times when I run, a great idea came into mind about my book. That idea would not show up if I made myself write during the Summer. I had to let go; I had to put things aside and let my brain do what it needs to do without me being in its way. The process of writing teaches me to trust the creative journey and trust that sometimes rather than pushing we need to release. It feels like nothing, but as I say: “in the nothing always something shows up.”
Letting Go2 - Declutter your life and headspace
Living in New York City for eight years taught me about letting go of stuff. When most people live in two-bedroom apartments, they learn to keep the essentials and let go of the rest. You can walk in the streets and find furniture, toys, and clothes. You take what you need and when you don’t, you let go. It taught me that not everything needs to be purchased new, and you can find much treasure in the space of recycling. Moving to North Carolina meant living in a bigger space, but I tried to be intentional about how much I purchase. My daughter, who turned 15, reminds me that it is okay to have fewer clothes and less stuff, and helps me keeps my promise which is not an easy thing to do when Amazon Prime, is only one click away.
Yesterday my husband and I left the house early in the morning for two miles run and two of a walk, then we stopped for a quiet coffee and headed back home to start the project none of us was excited about. In the next five hours, I sorted through all the stuff, mostly kids and adults’ clothes, and let go of most of our material. I reached out to a lady I know, and her husband came with a truck and collected seven boxes of clothes, toys, shoes, and more that are going to be used by people who need it more than us. Knowing that our house is lighter with unnecessary objects for us that will bring joy to others brought a sense of peace to my heart. What stuff can you let go of?
What have I watched lately?
This time Seinfeld. I was not a fan when they started the show. Then I met my boyfriend, now my husband, and I learned to love this show. When we moved to New York City, watching it again was, even more, exciting, and a few weeks ago we pulled the DVD player from the DVD drawer and started watching it with our daughter who says that she was born in the wrong era. She is a Guns and Roses and Metallica fan; she loved watching Gilmore Girls with me, then Friends, and now it is Seinfeld time. Like the Beatles, and Mary Poppins, I love the shows, movies, books, and music that no matter what generation read, listen, watch they are still relevant and loved.
My Most Watched Video Last Month on Social Media
Are you an extrovert or introvert? Do you feel limited by the one or the other? My most-watched video in August focuses on reframing the definition of introvert and extrovert and I use energy to explain it. Define what does it mean for you to be an introvert/extrovert, don't let others define it for you.
Click here to watch the video
For more inspirational shorts and on the run videos check my social media feeds: @NoaRCoach (LinkedIn/Twitter/FB/Instagram)
Noa @Next Events - Come and Say Hi :-)
September 20th - first meeting of 2019 -2020 Women Walking Mastermind. 3rd Friday of the month. It is FREE but you must sign up for the event. Sign up here
October 25th - SHRM Tampa Leadership Conference "to BE or not to BE"
November 11-12 - FabTech Chicago. I am honored to be invited to speak again at FabTech, "Tha Value of Your Leadership" and "The HeART of Conflict"
Want to attend the conferences? Feel free to ask me about conferences speaker coupon codes to get your discount