"Le-At Le-At" is what my youngest hears when he's racking up his driving hours for his license. "Le-At" means slowdown in Hebrew. Mostly, you will not just say "Le-At." Mostly, it will be a double dramatic "Le-At, Le-At!!!" This is how you say it, especially when people like me (his mom) feel a lack of control, aka when things go too fast. It's the universal language of parental panic!

As a learner, I always seek new ways to challenge myself and overcome mental barriers. In addition to professional and career growth, I believe in exploring various avenues for personal development, as they often intersect.

This summer, I decided to take some time off to evaluate my work and personal life and spend quality time with my family, friends, and myself. During this slowing-down phase, I thought it would be a great idea to set a goal of moving fast without feeling a sense of control like I feel when my son drives the car.

I don't know where this fear of "going too fast" comes from, but that's a topic for a different conversation with a therapist. I don't believe in doing things just because they're scary. Still, learning to ice skate without the fear of falling because I am skating too fast seemed like a great “stretch goal." You see, when I tried to skate on the ice, the little voice in my head goes, "There is a huge possibility you will fall" (of course I will! I am on ice with no experience skating), "It's going to hurt because you don't know how to fall" (yep, I don't have a clue about graceful falls, whether on ice or elsewhere – I'm the one who will give you a full-on falling show!), and so on. There's this underlying fear of not feeling in control when things speed up, just as I feel when my youngest drives the car.

For years, I've felt jealous of people who know how to ice skate or roller skate; I wanted to be like them, with that peaceful, serene look on their faces when they skate (you should plan to check that out soon at the holiday ice rinks). I've tried it a few times, but that voice in my head always held me back, saying, "Nope, this is not for you."

 After my youngest returned from his Jazz Camp and was getting bored, I came up with a plan to take ice skating lessons together. He's obsessed with sports and hockey (go Canes, go Rangers), so it seemed like the perfect idea. North Carolina's heat and humidity in the Summer made the ice skating rink a great escape, and it was a sneaky way to hang out with my teenage son without him rolling his eyes at me every five seconds. Plus, the free public skating sessions that came with the group lessons gave us the perfect excuse to get him out of bed and out of the house every day.

 While going through my ice skating journey, I couldn't stop thinking about how much my experience aligned with the experience my clients (executives, groups, and teams) have when they acquire a new skill or undergo change. Especially when suddenly we feel that we are not at our best and maybe lack control.

Ready? Let's glide...

 

1. If There Is No Purpose, There Is No Action

I'll keep telling anyone who cares to listen that I really don't believe in procrastination. If we're not taking action, it's either because we're not invested or care about the action or we're struggling to see the purpose of taking the action. It's time to own up to it! For me, ice skating is about understanding what makes it easy to drive fast, adapt to rapid changes in my career, and embrace new trends way before others, but it puts me on an ice rink, and I feel like I'm about to crash and burn.

Understanding the purpose of learning ice skating could be the key to overcoming this mental hurdle. I aim for that peaceful, joyful, carefree expression everyone seems to have when they're skating. I don't mind how long it takes me to get there as long as I reach that inner sense of peace and joy when I finally do and then see how I can replicate it in other areas of work and life because it is always connected and improves performance.

2. Accountability Partnership

Sometimes, we underestimate the importance of support and accountability when working towards our personal goals. Having accountability partners has been valuable for me. My daughter's excitement for our Saturday mommy time in a coffee shop encouraged me to write my book while she was doing her homework. My business accountability partner's weekly 8 am meetings have been instrumental in our business success. Plus, my youngest son's determination to skate like a hockey player has been incredibly inspiring. He has the grit and will to go "all in" to achieve a goal. This is the kind of person I needed to be there when things get challenging, and I knew it would become three times harder for me to achieve each step of the way in my goal; I needed someone who is all in to help me show up.

 

3. Teach your brain to keep going and be kind to yourself

While my son zoomed around the ice rink like a pro, I struggled to keep up, moving at a snail's pace. On the way to the rink, my youngest decided to give me a pep talk behind the wheel: "Mom, you just need to let go and go fast," he advised as if ice skating was equivalent to driving a sports car.

But I don't believe in the whole "letting go" philosophy. I know letting go is a journey, not a switch you can flip—easier said than done, right? Our brains need time to shift gears and "let go."

Every time I hit the ice, I skated at a glacial speed, my legs wobbling like Jell-O. My Fitbit watch kept cheering me on "You are in the workout zone, girl; great job!" Yeah, right! My brain was in a perpetual "fight or flight" mode, and my heart, catching up with it, was speeding up.

Recent brain research has taught us a lot about our brains. Our brain is wired to recognize patterns and react to any risk that resembles danger, which is why brain practice and real practice are crucial. Our brain can be rewired and learn that what feels like danger can become a friend.

When my brain was in a fight-or-flight reaction, my legs trembled, and my heart raced faster. All I wanted to do was flee and escape the frustration, but I decided to be kind to myself. These signals became my cue to understand that it was time to go outside the rink and sit on the bench. I took a few deep breaths, jumped a bit to relax my muscles, and told myself I was okay before returning.

When I fell hard and my body hurt, I didn't stop. I reminded myself that I am here to get up and keep going; that's what my brain is here to learn. So I stay.

I saw this little boy, about five years old, who spent a good two hours intentionally falling on the ice again and again, all while enjoying every moment. If a little boy can find joy in repeated falls, I can keep practicing even when I don't feel like it – I just keep showing up for myself like a champ.

 "Dear son," I said in a Zen voice, "What will take you four weeks, might take me a year, and I am totally cool with that. That’s why I signed up for this challenge. My goal is to stay no matter how long it will take my brain to feel I am safe, and anyway, people my age should practice balance a few times a week, so here you go!"

 

4. When things went terribly, I reached out and asked for help.

There was a day when I was practicing, and a guy at the rink approached me and asked if it was my first day (it wasn't; I had been practicing for a few weeks). He proceeded to tell me that everything I was doing was wrong. I later found out that this guy had only been at the rink for a few weeks as well and wasn't the most skilled skater to give a piece of advice, but he still managed to get in my head. Talking ice, I felt frozen. I was stuck—stuck on ice, stuck in my thoughts, and feeling stuck with my emotions. I felt like I didn't know how to fix my skating technique and that the group classes didn't help me build confidence. I asked my son to watch me skating, and he said, "Mom, you're doing fine, but if you feel stuck, maybe it's time to ask for help."

After removing our skates, I went to the front desk and inquired about hiring a private ice skating teacher. I realized the group classes could have been more effective for me, and I needed help.

These 30 minutes changed my life. I needed someone to tell me, "You're not doing anything wrong, but unless you start allowing yourself to go faster, you'll get stuck on the ice." That was it. Sometimes, we need to reach out and ask for help.

Stay away from people who think they know it all. Most beginners know nothing but feel like they can fix everyone else. Instead, be honest with yourself or listen to those who love you and suggest it might be time for extra help. It's okay.

My teacher is mostly the voice I need with this ice challenge. She is the one who shows me how I can improve from lesson to lesson. When I do something well, she celebrates with me and encourages me to try new skills to improve my skating skills and build my confidence and abilities.

  

5. And even though you figure it out, there are days that nothing works, but it is important to focus on progress (one of my favorite words)

A few weeks ago, I had a day. After weeks of my legs cooperating and feeling like I was getting the hang of it, I had a bad day. The ice was bumpier than a dirt road, more people were on the rink than at a rock concert, and I could feel myself spiraling out of control. I kept going, but let's just say I didn't exactly savor every single moment. It was definitely a bad day. I felt regression. But in the grand scheme of things, I've learned to skate faster over the past four months. My legs trembled less and less, I could swizzle forward and backward, and I could even shake my booty while doing pumps and slaloms with music in my ears. I've realized that learning and practicing new tricks is even more fun than just basic skating. When I was learning new ice skating skills, my brain had to adjust to new ways of thinking, like looking forward instead of down on the floor. When I finally mastered a new skill, I felt a great sense of accomplishment, just like my younger self. In those moments, I can't help but smile and feel proud of my progress.

 

6. Being part of a community

When I started running, I learned about all the runners around me who love to run. Now, I see all the other adults and younger adults who also come to practice in the ice rink. After a few times, they stop and say: "Hey, I see you here practicing, you are doing so much better," or "Can you teach me how to stop?" (not my best arena, but let me show you the basics…) or "I see you working on something, can I show you how I learned to do it?" Whether they are 15 or 40, we learn from each other and support each other. We all fall, smile, and keep going, following our different goals for being there.

There is nothing like a sense of community that shares the same purpose and passion with you.

I hope you found value in my ice skating journey observations. If you do, sharing is caring, so please share with others who might be going through a similar challenge, or follow me at @noaRcoach, or click HERE to grab a copy of my book: BEyond Leadership from AwareLess to AwareNess

And please, don't expect to see me at the next Winter Olympics. I'm here for the journey. Now that my brain and I are convinced that ice is fun and brings joy, I am curious to see how much more I can learn from it about other areas of my life to help me develop, grow, and lead BEyond.

What other non-work challenges helped you become a better self?

 In the gallery below, you can see me taking pictures after some practice sessions, and I am next to Snoppy at the Charles M. Schultz (Peanuts Creator) Ice Arena in Santa Rosa, CA. I was very inspired to learn that Schults built this Ice Arena and spent every day escaping his creative time and being inspired by the ice rink. He also played in the Senior Hockey League. Respect!

To learn more about Noa, click HERE

 

 In this gallery, you see me taking pictures after some practice sessions and me next to Snoppy at the Charles M. Schultz (Peanuts Creator) Ice Arena in Santa Rosa, CA. I was very inspired to learn that Schults built this Ice Arena and spent every day escaping his creative time and being inspired by the ice rink. He also played at the Senior Hockey League. Respect!

What other non-work challenges helped you become a better self?