A few days ago, an executive with young children decided not to cancel our coaching call even though his kids were on his laps, while his wife was taking a conference call with clients in the home office. "I am sorry," he said, "it was the choice between canceling our call or the choice of taking the time with you to recover, get clarity and get your help preparing for a challenging conversation right after our call. So I decided to keep our session with my kids in the background - I hope you understand. I am really sorry." I do understand.

As a professional coach, I get to hear the two sides of the coin: how managers experience a situation and how employees experience it, and there is a lot of learning that I think is essential to share with you. I believe that not only our life is changing now, but it will also impact on how we do things afterward and how the "new normal" will look like when life "go back to normal." This is why I decided to create the SOS series of articles that can help you cope and get a new perspective on your work and life challenges in the covid-19 reality.

"I am sorry," 

So like many others, in the past few weeks, many of my clients shifted their calls with me or meeting in-person to remote calls from home. I see clients who need to share office space with their partner; I see clients who work from their living room next to their toddler's rug filled with toys, I see clients who have to talk with me while their kids are playing and asking them a question, or crying because they don't want to take a nap. An apology always follows the kids (or pets) interruptions. Don't they know I understand?

We Are in a Grace Period

If you are one of those parents that work from home, sharing the office with your partner, your pets, and your kids. Stop feeling that you need to apologize when your kids make noise or sit on your lap, or when you forgot to unmute yourself when you yelled at them to be quiet. Yes, before some of those behaviors were "unprofessional," but this is a time of grace. What do I mean by that? 

Most managers care. Most of my executives' clients care for their people. They take the time to think with me how they can help their people, how they can make sure their people feel supported, what is the best way to communicate with their people without being over-controlling, and even how they can create space for their people so they don't feel overwhelmed.

This IS a Time of Change

Do you feel not professional because your kids need attention and food rather than sitting all day long in front of their screens? This is not easy, but what if we reframe "not professional" and realize that part of our roles as parents is to be professional with our kids too? They need care, running outside, and even some structure. We feel that this is just a temporary situation. Still, I believe that the sentence: "This is how we do business" is breaking into little pieces and will challenge companies and organizations to listen to their people who will demand a new reality that will not go back to the old normal. Things will change after this change. Look around, all the "right" ways of doing things are fading, and suddenly almost everyone is okay with getting messy and moving processes fast to make things work even if not in a perfect way.

Here are a few steps you can take to help yourself or your team feel better about working from home with kids:

Managers:

1. Can You Imagine this? Many couples are sharing one office space with their partner who works too. It is not easy with babysitters or grandparents are out of the question. As one of my c-suite clients shared with me: "I have piles of dishes in my kitchen, piles of laundry, I didn't get to the supermarket, and after my workday ends I need to take care of the house, I am so tired and have no support system."

2. Reality check - I don't believe kids will go back to school this year, how long do you think kids can sit in front of the screens with no attention?

3. Let them know - don't assume your working parents think you understand, mostly they don't. So let them know.

4. Let them know again - Pick up the phone and ask how they are doing.

5. Design the new reality - ask your people what do they need. It is okay to ask for some structure, but make sure to design it in a way that works for both sides and that you have tangible steps.

6. Say Thank You - let them know you see they are making an effort.
   

Parents:

1. Stop apologizing and give yourself permission to be a parent - you are not alone; you didn't choose to work this way, nor have this reality.

2. Talk to your manager and find a win-win- if your manager didn't say anything and you feel like you should have a conversation, let them know that you need some understanding. Maybe there is a way for you to design together a flexible time that suits your personal needs and working goals.